Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

For those who have cleaners

24 replies

Zeroperspective · 26/02/2025 21:38

My pensioner mum told me today she has employed a cleaner. I'm over the moon for her! However she told me only after telling me it's a secret and nobody else knows.

I told her I think it's fabulous as I'm aware she's been struggling to do things, I'm in another country so I'm relying on what she tells me and what a relative that lives close by (also pension age and tries to help but also isn't really able) tells me. During the conversation it became clear things are worse than I previously realised in regards to her physical abilities as she ages.

She's embarrassed and doesn't want to be judged for having a cleaner, I've obviously reacted (genuinely) positively and I'd like to encourage her to tell other relatives who live in the same country as her and could help out, be eyes on the ground so to speak so if there is more of a decline in what's she's able to do, either now or in the future, I can arrange whatever help is needed.

Please can you share your reasons for having a cleaner so I can share with her that it's not just for the "rich or lazy" (no offence intended to anyone it just her growing up these are the only people who had cleaners) she's worried she will be judged or that people (one particular but that's another thread) will think she's got loads of money when actually she's only got her pension and has to budget carefully to be able to afford the help.

OP posts:
YourBlueDuck · 26/02/2025 21:42

I have a cleaner because, quite simply, I hate cleaning. She cleans, changes sheets and irons and I think of it as buying myself 3 hours back. Expensive yes, but money well spent in my book!

CuteKoalas · 26/02/2025 21:44

If I could afford one I definitely would. Just to half the load or do the jobs I like the least. Like cleaning windows and woodwork.
Especially in winter. I have zero motivation to clean yet I hate it not done. It's a battle.
I'm summer I love nothing more than a few days going through everything

minipie · 26/02/2025 21:48

I have a cleaner because she can do in 3 hours what would take me all day and she produces a better result.

It’s no different in my head from paying someone to do my hair. In theory I could do it myself - and if I had no choice financially I would - but it would take forever and look much worse.

pizzaHeart · 26/02/2025 21:48

I suspect it’s a cultural and generational thing so your mum needs reasons relevant to her situation.
How old is she? And how is her health? Could you empathize that at her age doing certain things are not advisable because of risk of fall, muscle strain or high blood pressure. Especially if she lives on her own .
She also might feel better saying that she’s got some “home help” rather than a cleaner.

Heelworkhero · 26/02/2025 21:49

I have a cleaner as I hate cleaning. Even when I wasn’t working I had a cleaner.

zaffa · 26/02/2025 21:51

I have a cleaner because I have a five year old, three cats and work full time, as does DH who is also studying. I also have a gardener.
I'm not loaded but my life is infinitely easier for having this help.

beholdmylastfuckflyingaway · 26/02/2025 21:52

Because I'm a slattern and my husband is a pig.

We adore our cleaner. She makes us look normal and fabulous.

3 hours per week and the best money I have ever spent.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 26/02/2025 21:59

I put getting a cleaner off for the same reasons, even when I could afford it I didn't because it's a posh thing 😅 But now I've done it and I'll never stop having a cleaner, it helps my peace of mind so much. I'm a single parent and carer for DM so life is crazy and I justified it to myself because of that; but even when I'm older and live alone I'll keep paying for one over any other 'luxury' because it helps my sanity and it's a huge help for not that much of a financial outlay.

user1471453601 · 26/02/2025 21:59

I've said this before on this site, but it bears repeating.

I've got a cleaner. I could say it's because I'm old and frail (I am) but I've had a cleaner a long time before my health became an issue. I had a cleaner because I could afford to pay her a decent wage, and I hate cleaning.

Over the years she's been coming, she's become a dear friend.

She has a key to my house, in case I fall (which I'm prone to) and I trust her enough to feel comfortable with that.

Amolient · 26/02/2025 22:10

I have a cleaner and I see it as no different to ordering a takeaway. I can cook, I have all the equipment and the time, but I regularly like to pay someone to cook for me instead.

Similarly, my husband could change the wheels or tyres on our car, but he brings it to a tyre shop instead.

Nobody ever raises an eyebrow at a typical “male” activity like car servicing being outsourced, but cleaning is seen as woman’s work and so outsourcing it is seen as slovenly and shirking your duties.

VWT5 · 26/02/2025 22:15

If this helps - an analogy about my Mum OP.
I recently found a cleaner to help me - and as soon as I told my DM (92 - lives 3 hours away), she sounded so happy and upbeat about my situation (funded from pension) and then immediately got a cleaner herself.

It was as though she felt she somehow “needed permission” - after thinking about it for years and being fiercely active and independent.

To share the reasons - for me, a huge weight and worry off my shoulders, I can spend time doing things I want to do (exercise and improve fitness), in DM case, so she can spend more well deserved time reading (and watching MAFS 😂)

Hurdlin · 26/02/2025 22:15

Why does anyone outsource anything? Because they can afford it, because the person providing the service can do it better/quicker/more efficiently, because they don't want to, or can't, do the task.

Does your mother cut her own grass or her hair? Does she do her own decorating? Does she ever eat out? Get a taxi?

It's hard admitting you need a bit of support, but I'd encourage her not to care what anyone thinks - hard as it is!

I love my cleaner. I loathe cleaning and work long hours so prefer to spend my free time doing something (anything) else.

ObviouslyNamechangedforcleaner · 26/02/2025 22:23

I have no job, no children, am not retirement age (late thirties) and no health conditions. I have a cleaner and I HAPPILY give her money every week. She changes the beds weekly, stops the place looking like a hovel, irons the bedding and my husband’s shirts, empties the dishwasher filter AND washing machine filter randomly, checks the fridge, takes in food deliveries if I’m out. Cuddles the dogs if I’ve booked a massage for the same time she’s there.

I have literally no legitimate reason to have a cleaner. I just love it. Her. The results. Everything. I’ll eat pot noodles daily over actual food to save money before I give her up. Or just potatoes. No butter or salt even.

Your mum should definitely. Why the hell not.

GreatTheCat · 26/02/2025 22:47

I have a cleaner because I'm disabled... And my sons crap at it.

Motheranddaughter · 26/02/2025 22:51

I pay £18 an hour 2x3 hours a week
I do no cleaning
I do work very hard and my chargeout rate to clients is 20 x what I pay my cleaner per hour
So it’s simple economics

Zeroperspective · 26/02/2025 22:51

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences, I did say to her that it's absolutely worth the money for the physical and mental energy it saves her which she can now spend doing things she enjoys. The comparisons to outsourcing other things like haircuts or takeaways etc is another brilliant angle I will definitely be using to help her be less uncomfortable/embarrassed about having a cleaner. I'm hoping by sharing your stories with her I can get her to a point of normalising this and feeling able to share it with others who can then help lessen her load in other ways.

OP posts:
Zeroperspective · 26/02/2025 22:55

pizzaHeart · 26/02/2025 21:48

I suspect it’s a cultural and generational thing so your mum needs reasons relevant to her situation.
How old is she? And how is her health? Could you empathize that at her age doing certain things are not advisable because of risk of fall, muscle strain or high blood pressure. Especially if she lives on her own .
She also might feel better saying that she’s got some “home help” rather than a cleaner.

She was a home help herself for several years so this may actually be a good way of phrasing it, she helped others and now it's her "turn" to be helped. I also hadn't thought about phrasing it in a way that directly links to her health but given she has arthritis in her knees, intermittent problems with her back and is on blood pressure medication this absolutely resonates, I did allude to it generally about freeing up physical energy but I will be more specific. Thank you 😊

OP posts:
Applecrumble24 · 26/02/2025 23:05

I have a cleaner because I work hard and can’t be bothered to clean on my days off.
I love having a cleaner, wish I could afford every week but she comes fortnightly

spoodlesee · 26/02/2025 23:22

I miss my cleaner but can't afford £40 a week along with everything else.

blueshoes · 26/02/2025 23:29

For me, time is the most precious commodity. So 4 hours of cleaning by the cleaner doing heavy duty vacuuming, mopping, polishing and wiping down is well worth it. She is efficient and gets much more done to a higher standard than I ever could.

Whilst I do spot clean between visits, she does the bigger jobs I don't have time for and actively dislike (like vacuuming) all of which helps to maintain the house and keep the interior in good condition, thus stretching out the time before I have to refresh the interior again.

Vetoncall · 26/02/2025 23:38

We have demanding jobs, a lot of dogs and a big house, and neither of us wants to spend our free time cleaning it. Our cleaner comes twice a week and is worth every penny. If it helps your Mum and she can afford it then she should have no scruples about it - she's also providing employment and income to the cleaner.

salcombebabe · 27/02/2025 00:15

I have a cleaner because my back is just wrecked. I used to be so OCD about my home and its cleanliness and tidiness, but now my back is so bad I've had to give in. Luckily my cleaner is just like me and is very thorough and leaves everything looking absolutely spotless!

SallyDraperGetInHere · 27/02/2025 00:28

Vetoncall · 26/02/2025 23:38

We have demanding jobs, a lot of dogs and a big house, and neither of us wants to spend our free time cleaning it. Our cleaner comes twice a week and is worth every penny. If it helps your Mum and she can afford it then she should have no scruples about it - she's also providing employment and income to the cleaner.

I was going to post too about creating employment. When I went back to work, I made (just about) enough money to pay one person to cHold mind, and another person to come once a fortnight to clean.

My elderly mother likes to say that the lady who comes to her house just helps do ‘heavy’ jobs like changing duvet covers, hoovering the stairs, etc, but in reality she does many little things that mum would exhaust herself doing. The presence of another adult popping in to keep things nice is a huge help to her, and reassures us adult children who are a bit too far away (and busy with our own responsibilities) to do so; she is part of our family roster and is treasured. Plus she is earning (we contribute).

Zeroperspective · 27/02/2025 21:24

Thank you all once again I've some good phrases to drop into conversation with her that will hopefully help change her mindset and to be more comfortable with having a cleaner. I really appreciate all who took the time to post

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread