Autistic son and alcohol

[GooseEs]

My son is 18 and autistic. He's almost 19 actually

When he turned 18 he bought some Disoronno, I'm teetotal but will have a small bottle of this at Christmas and he liked the taste.

Since then he has been buying the odd bottle. No problem.

He is depressed and has been put on medication.

But lately he's been buying hard spirits and relying on the to make himself feel good.

The other night he came in telling me he'd thrown up. He had drank 3/4 of a 70cl jack Daniels bottle whilst on Zoom with his friends.

I set a bed up for him in my room.

I told him he can't do this anymore and he agreed. He said he wasn't drinking again.
He told me to check his shopping for alcohol.

Well he bough raspberry vodka, 70cl again a few days ago.

I sat and had a discussion with him about how unsafe it was.

He just doesn't seem to understand at all.

He has VERY linear /black and white thinking.

I told him about units, about alcohol percentages. About measuring tools for different types of alcohol.

Like how in a bar you would order a glass of wine because that is 4% alcohol but whiskey is 35% so you buy that in small shots and you get a single or double.

He seemed to think thatbis the bar trying to rip you off and you should get a full glass of whiskey 😩

He said its more cost effective and males sense to drink the 35% as it gets you drunk quicker.

I tried to explain that getting drunk shouldn't be the goal but sipping a drink, with a mixer whilst chatting with friends is the best course.

I showed him what a 25ml measure of his vodka looks like and how he should limit them.

I told him I would be checking the bottle in the morning to see what he had drank.

Can anyone help me navigate this please.

Yes is is almost 19 but he is ND and mentally young for his age. His bed is covered in teddies!

I told him that if he can't take it easy I would be banning him from drinking.
I know some may disagree with that but he could kill himself! My uncle was an alcoholic and choked to death :(

I suggested that instead of vodka or whiskey (he likes the flavoured ones) he buys a 4 pack of flavoured cider instead??

Also for further context his father had been teetotal for about 2 years as he had a mild to mid alcohol dependency and he is very much like his dad!

Bump :(

Sorry to keep bumping but so you think in this situation it's appropriate to say no spirits are allowed in the house?

It's very difficult, because physically he is nearly 19. Whilst lots of 19 year olds make unsafe decisions, drink way too much, etc I get that he isn't making these choices with accurate understanding.

Can he really understand % abv? It doesn't sound like he does. So maybe simplify it: show him the label with number of units. Maybe buy a bottle of weaker, fruit flavoured cider as a comparison for the conversation.

Agree with him that he can have up to (eg) 4 units on a Friday or Saturday evening, and that would be x ml of flavoured vodka or y bottles of flavoured cider (or whatever). That way you're setting a limit and giving choice within that, rather than setting up a battleground.

Point out that he gets more for his money if he buys something like flavoured cider / soft drinks.

Send him links to the NHS guidelines and also photos of liver cirrhosis and other health implications excessive drinking can cause. Sometimes people need to see visual photos which stick in their head as a reminder.

I’m think the autism is a red herring here. He is developing a problem with alcohol and is producing a number of arguments as to why his intake is acceptable. Everyone who wishes to continue drinking in a way they’ve got used to will produce similar arguments.

Do not enable his drinking. Do not allow him to give you the responsibility of checking his shopping. Do not set up a bed for him. Do not medicate him through a hangover. He needs to feel the consequences of his actions. In short, treat him like an alcoholic as he is going down that road quickly.

Where is he getting money from? Can you ask his father to speak to him?

It might be easier to persuade him to not drink if he's asd and maybe use the you are on meds so you shouldn't be drinking. Have an asd 18 year old, he doesn't drink at all so don't have experience but he is better with a very clear rule and believing the rule himself. Though it needs to be with his agreement rather than imposed to avoid secret drinking. His meds leaflet might say don't drink which might help.

It's so hard as a mum to an adult isn't it? My son has a (fairly recent) brain injury but is also 19 and likes a drink.
He shouldn't drink due to his medication but his consultant said one or two wouldn't hurt but he doesn't understand that a couple of bottle of beers isn't the same as a couple of large measures of spirits.
I honestly don't know what the answer is. At the end of the day they are adults and can make their own decisions and yet we still want to look after them and protect them.
I'm worried if I push too hard he'll end up drinking secretly or lying about it which is worse.

Hoe is he affording this. Jack Daniel is like £25

You shouldn't combine anti depressants with alcohol. It can actually make things worse. Perhaps reading up on his meds and going down that route might help?

I don’t think you can control another adults drinking, its pretty normal to experiment (and to make mistakes) at that age. I think all you can do is explain the dangers and advise sensible drinking. I also have an 18yo autistic kid who has alcoholic relatives and sometimes drinks too much, i think its part of growing up.

Why is he drinking -is it to assuage his anxiety? Or depression?
I have adhd and loooove alcohol I feel happy, successful,relaxed when I drink - but seems Im low in dopamine and the alcohol fixes that.

If it is similar for him would medication help?

You can buy zero alcohol

Wine, beer, cider, Guiness

I’ve encouraged my NT boys to drink beer not spirits… there’s only so much beer you can drink. Are there any nhs leaflets that could help? Sorry OP sounds like you’re doing all the things I would.

Good point. My 18yo really like Guinness Zero

My autistic son does this. Less so now he’s got a job he loves.

I think it’s quite common in ND, self medicating to feel normal and sliding into addiction.

With ds it was difficult to manage as he didn’t care what I thought about it. He was an adult who bought his own. It wasn’t the taste he liked, he liked how it made him feel.

I’ve been very clear to him the risks he’s taking, he’s very clear that he doesn’t care.

Being happier in his job has definitely sorted it for now. Is your son unhappy? Are there any changes he could make that might help him feel less need to drink?

My autistic son, very depressed at the time and trying to feel better, developed a sort term habit of drinking whiskey that he ordered from Amazon. Acute social anxiety so couldn't go to the shop in person.

Ended when taken into hospital by ambulance with hypothermia after he had drunk way too much.

Now he doesn't drink at all. Still acute social anxiety and housebound but sober. Maybe because he is more accepting of limitations and not self medicating in quest to be 'normal'?

More accepting of limitations is not really what I mean. Maybe more accepting of self. Ie I am not a failure as a human being because I can't do x, y, z which others can do.

Physically disabled people don't consider themselves a failure in comparison to able bodied. ND should not consider themselves a failure in comparison to NT.

He likes the way it makes him feel he says.
It think it's the only way he feels relaxed.

The zero alcohol ones, He would say 'what's the point in them'?

It's hard to explain how his brain works.

None is very unhappy

He left college without putting much effort in as he had a plan to 'not be here anymore' :(

We've been on 2 different antidepressants now and he says neither of them made any difference.

He says he is living for me.

The mental health services discharged him immediately back to the GP because he said he was trying not to act on the urge.

@GooseEs I’m so sorry, it’s so difficult!

Is there anything he enjoys doing?

The only thing I’ve found that could be remotely comforting is that for autistic teens it can take longer to come out of the awful teenage years.

Gaming, talking to friends, drawing.

He does like walking. I'm so desperate for the sun to come out cause I feel like that helps all of us!