My son.

[NCDailyGame]

He's 26. Yes an adult but he's terrifying me.

This evening I had to call the crisis team because his head is 'scrambled'. Everything is too much. He's not coping with life. I've had 5 attempts of him taking his life, most recent being a few weeks ago. The mental health nurse came in and said she was going to write a letter and the doctor would contact him. The doc wanted to just up his meds - they're not working, no meds work for him.

I am stressing the f out because he left his phone open on a message today to a friend and again it said that he plans on doing 'it'....

We called the crisis team tonight and they weren't much help. He's just NOT getting the help. He's had therapy, but he's still so unwell.

I am worried sick. I want my son well. I don't want to lose him. I've tried every avenue of getting him support/help and there's nothing else I can do.... he's worried because appointments and things usually take place during work hours and he's just started a new job.

I love my boy so much and I hate seeing him so unwell.

At 26 has he been diagnosed with mental health babe??
Starting a new job...in what field??
Xxx

Ffs...mental health is brushed under the carpet...its not on.

You and ur poor son struggling...darling...xxx

Yeah. He was diagnosed with depression back in 2017 (and given meds). Every mental health person he's come in contact with thinks he's on the spectrum but we've never had any official diagnosis on that. I am familiar with people with Asperger's and I could confidently say, he's on that spectrum somewhere.

My boy just cannot cope with anything. I believe there's a situation with a girl and she's messing him about and his reaction to that is like his world is ending. He feels abandoned, distraught, suicidal, lost...

His sector of work is caring. People with learning disabilities, elderly.. cross the board caring actually.

I am so worried.

I'm so sorry OP - it must be so stressful for you. Does he live with you?

This is so awful. Could you contact your MP to see if they will support you and his doctor getting him sectioned until they find meds that will work? Keep saying he's a danger to himself.

It sounds like the job and the young woman are adding to his distress.

Would he seek an autism diagnosis? This might be useful to get appropriate support. If you/he can afford it a private psychiatrist assessment could also be useful. If his difficulties are lack of emotional regulation due to autism and events (new job, girl situation) DBT would be useful. He might also be mis-diagnosed with clinical depression when he is in fact in autistic burnout (MH professional here) I feel for you both

I came on to say exactly this ^^

Do seek a diagnosis and DBT. It had great results for my undiagnosed autistic partner also suicidal.

Can you listen to some podcasts together about ASD? Look up Dr Neff and Divergent Conversations. Or The Hidden 20%

An autism assessment privately is in the region of £1.9k - £2.5k, I just don't have that money..

In my opinion if he was on the Autistic spectrum they could help him with the regulation of his over sensitivities and his struggles to manage 'life'. The smallest things to someone like me (now), to him are the worst. And I DO get it because I was diagnosed with BPD but since being medicated I've been ticking along lovely...

Just wish the docs would act on the letter they were sent.

You take out a loan get the assessment and pay it back over the next couple of years.

Priority is for him to be in therapy: to have a safe space to unload but also get help with managing his anxiety.
I feel you OP, mine is 15, on the spectrum and he's not coping well with life. He also refuses therapy. There is nothing worse than standing by incapable to save the ones we love from themselves.

@maximalistmaximus

I'm on a minimum wage job not making ends meet as it is. There's no way I could take on a loan . I'd ask his dad if he wasn't so busy keeping his new wife's 18 year old son. He wouldn't even lend our son a tenner the other day.

@arcticpandas

My son is crying out for help. He is desperate to feel any way other than how he does at the moment.

Don't get into debt.

Look for local support groups, charities and community centres both for him and you as carer. Exercise and fresh air have quick results. Can you take a bit of leave to help him get a healthy routine? Is he getting all benefits he is entitled to? Breathing space.

If you have no income no assets you take out the loan then go bankrupt.

When you have a child in need you find a way.

Go via right to choose for diagnosis

www.clinical-partners.co.uk/nhs-services/right-to-choose

Bankruptcy isn't going to help the situation. It'll make it 10 X worse.

I haven't been in your shoes with a mentally ill child, but just to say I second and third those saying DBT. I've had it for BPD and complex trauma, but there is such an overlap between these and autism I've often wondered if it would work for those on the spectrum ? It's worth a try.