I have a c section on Friday..

[AnxietyLevelMax]

My second rodeo so in a way i am not panicking, first c section (although emergency after a very long and traumatic labour) turned out to be not as bad and recovery was surprisingly quick but oh boy…epidural hurt as f* which is really scaring me now and i have a very big threshold for pain.

i am more worried about how i am going to split myself between my 4yr old DS and newborn (same gender). My first born is such a great guy and i love him over the moon, it feels like i cannot love anyone else as much as him and thats really not fair on the baby. I am genuinely sad i wont have as much time for my 4yr old. I am also getting over not having a daughter..no more kids for me so this was my last and only chance.

my dad has sadly passed away right before christmas and its so painful he wont meet his other grandson. I am strong as much as i can be but have moment when tears are coming down and can’t stop them

and how the fudge are we going to survive financially? I am taking 9 months off cause we cant afford additional 3, have about 3k on credit cards, 5k savings, DH salary and SMP wont cover everything so need to budget everything as much as possible to make sure savings won’t evaporate before i go back to work (which is PT only so only twice as much as SMP but still..) Its literally making me sick worried

and in laws are coming for long 3 weeks in a few days…they deserve another thread😂 not sure
how i am gonna survive them that long…they can be, lets say politely, “insensitive” and i really wish they wouldnt come when i am feeling like shit after c section and need peace and quiet and things to be done my way for the first couple of weeks😂

just a rant really. I am scared we should be one and done which we were considering for some time and now its going to ruin us mentally, physically, financially, emotionally and it will take good couple of years to get back to a comfortable position

It will be a great day. Wishing you a huge amount of happiness. You will make it all work.

A lot to unpack here 😅
I dont have all the answers but planned c section is nice! Way nicer the emcs. Bring a spotlify playlist and your dh can take pics.

Get a present from the baby to your son (a good one obvs) and also get your son to help with the baby he is your "special helper/assistant". Its an easy way to encourage a nice relationship

Mine have a less than 2 yr gap but my dd helped out with nappy changes getting new nappy or outfits running nappy bag to bin etc etc pretty much from day 1

In terms of days out they are super centred on my oldest and baby just comes along for the ride so dont worry too much it really wont be all about baby.

Inlaws just be blunt and say what you want and what you dont want and suit yourself.

Good luck!

How are you doing this morning @AnxietyLevelMax? Hope you slept well and aren't too uncomfortable carrying a full term baby inside. I felt bad only replying quickly last night and didn't mean to gloss over your thoughts and minimise what you are going through...
I also had an emergency C section first time around, then a planned one. Honestly, it was so much easier. I was also a less stressed mum second time around and I can say instantly when your baby arrives, your heart doubles in size and you find an extra gear of love you didn't think possible. Genuinely, I thought the same as you do now thinking, I was already at 100% love output, and would compromise the others in the family.
Financially, affording a second is hard but you do get through it. You will make it work. You don't spend quite as much on the second one as you know where to cut corners and save. You also correct the mistakes you made with the first by not picking them up so much and letting the, sleep. You are firmer with boundaries and you just 'grow' in knowledge organically.
In -laws is a harder thing to reassure you about. DMil came to help me and did her best but only stayed one week. However, give in laws tasks or ask them to do some research out the house ... like ask them to go around the supermarkets and see which have the best parent and child parking for two children once you get driving again. (I'm sure you know the answer already - but any excuse to send them out the house when you can!)
It will be amazing and your new little person will be much loved and treasured.