"At university, I struggled to stay awake and maintain concentration in face-to-face lectures but did ok in classes and with recorded lectures where I could move around or do something with my hands while listening. I'd leave work until the last minute and get by through all-nighters. Periods of intense hard work interspersed with other periods where I lacked any focus whatsoever."
I quoted this part of your post because it resonates SO MUCH with me! And my life is still like this in many ways even though it's 20 years since uni and I'm allegedly a 'grown up' 🤣 and feel like I should be better at life! I was pondering today why it is that I feel so much more energised when I've got "too much" to do, am flat out, juggling different things... But it all gets done on a tidal wave of adrenaline?? And then I crash. But also it's a fine line cos at other times having too many things to do just makes me paralysed not knowing where to start. Maybe it's the urgency that makes it energising, there's almost not time to make decisions or overthink, it just has to be done!
I did really well at school and uni but felt like a fraud a lot of the time as either I relied on my ridiculously good memory in exams etc, or I pulled all-nighters getting assignments finished in the nick of time. Sometimes I really tried to do them sooner... But that work was never as good! So frustrating!
I qualified as a primary teacher, loved it but burnt out pretty quickly and after 5 years went down to part time to try and claw back some semblance of a life. I'm a real perfectionist but also a pro at procrastinating... Not a great combo. Always had piles of paperwork needing sorting out which made me feel so ashamed. Rubbish at planning, but would pull it out of the bag when there was pressure eg lesson observations. Loved the actual teaching though and think I was quite good at it. I did continue in teaching one way or another (supply, PPA etc) until last summer plus did other related jobs and a random gap year volunteering in a pre school in Africa in the middle. I get itchy feet and need to move on/ change after 3-5 years in one place/ job... The last school I worked was a record as I was there about 9 years, but was only ever very part time and those years included my maternity leave and doing another part time job alongside teaching.
And motherhood has brought a whole new level of difficult. I've had mental health stuff before but had awful PNA and PND with my baby, so much so that she's an only child. I went back to teaching one day a week for some sanity (!) and have only just left teaching but still work with children. Haven't found it as restful as I'd hoped leaving teaching - I think the structure suited me. I don't get on well in school holidays unless we are away from home as I crave the routine of term time (daughter now school age). Not good at planning my own time/ diary. Terrible at 'rest' - always need to be doing something even if it's doom scrolling.
I've totally forgotten what you asked... Just for experiences? There are some of mine, in a big stream of consciousness blob! I haven't got as far as seeking diagnosis, I'm also not sure if it could be ADHD or ASD, or maybe it's just me and my weirdness! My daughter is diagnosed autistic and I'm beginning to suspect she might have ADHD also. I definitely identify with lots of what you're saying though... Mental overload, can't keep on top of the house/ juggling parenting, job, life etc just seems so much. Recently a friend of mine who was looking for cleaning work has started cleaning for me, but what I'm actually paying her to do is clean WITH me, so I get things tidied/ sorted while she cleans/ is a body in the room. After realising it really helped me having someone else just there, not necessarily doing anything, so I could focus on tidying, I heard about 'body doubling' and it occurred to me that was what I was doing!
Right I'm going to stop there before this becomes a ten thousand word essay. Hope your assessment comes soon and is helpful! 💐