Help mums….

[TheGreenJoker]

Would you pay £700 for 3 nights to go to Ibiza next year ? It’s a hen night for a circle of girls I’m in . £700 each lol
I’m thinking no… but I’m a people pleaser and don’t wanna let her down but I’m already thretting about it

It’s pricey! But can you afford it? And do you want to go?

I don’t want to go but don’t no how to say no!

“Sorry not my cup of tea and I can’t really afford it”

What about she gets funny tho :/

No I wouldn’t. And if you don’t want to you shouldn’t. “I won’t be able to make it, I hope you have a great time”.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Would you enjoy it?
Are you sure that it will be only £700?
Can you afford it?

If all yes - go.

Tough luck if she gets funny. If people plan hen do’s and weddings in far flung places at great expense to other people then they have to accept that not everyone can go.

Yuck ! Only cool if you're in your early to mid 20s and child free. As a mum and wife, I can't think of anything worse to be honest.

Anyway, it's bloody expensive and sounds like you don't want to go. I'd really emphasise that you're grateful to be invited but you can't go. Don't give excuses. If you're pushed just say you really don't have the cash. Wish them a fabulous time and offer up a meet up pre hen do.

Do you have to give a reason?

I can’t afford it, sorry
im busy that weekend!
I don’t feel comfortable leaving the kids overnight
I can’t get the time off work
im too old for ibiza
My partner is away that weekend too and I don’t have any other childcare

…although it’s probably best to be honest or not give a reason to avoid spinning a web of lies!

I don’t think people should fall out for not attending hen dos abroad, but if that’s what she wants, then it’s her loss!

I would also worry about this (people pleaser/overthinker).

So if you don’t want to go and can’t necessarily afford it (or at least don’t want to afford it considering you don’t want to go there) I’d say “Ibiza isn’t somewhere I want to go/not my vibe etc. and I don’t want to put a dampener on it leading up to it and then being there when I know you guys will love it and I want you all to have the best time”.

If they reply “nooo you want put a dampener on it you’ll love it…” just reiterate “no honestly, it’s not for me so you guys go but I’d love to do X/Y/Z with you all at some point”.

That's her problem, no one has the right to say what you spend your money on.

I’d go.

No it sounds like hell on earth. If she gets funny with you because you don't want to spend nearly 1k on a few days then I'd rethink your relationship.

Why so expensive, what does it include?

Why does it matter? If you don't want to go and think it's too much money just say so. If you declining it is badly received you can reevaluate the friendship.

That’s very expensive for 3 nights. I wouldn’t go in your shoes. I wouldn’t worry if she was funny with you about it. Expecting someone to pay prices like that for their Hen do is very entitled behaviour.

Then she isn't your friend.

Then she's not a friend. A friend won't pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. A friend won't cause you money difficulties.

I strongly suggest you get comfortable with saying no to people. It's no different to learning any other skill that you initially found difficult, like swimming or riding a bike for example. Once you've mastered it, it's liberating. You'll never find yourself doing shit you don't want to do solely because someone else wants you to and you'll no longer wonder whether people only want you around because they know they can make your decisions for you when it suits them.