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Newborn baby help

16 replies

kayj1970 · 24/02/2025 13:10

I need some help/advice and I havent a clue where to go or what to do!!

My son and his gf have just had a baby boy. He was born a month early at 5.5lbs, in my opinion, down to the mother's conduct whilst pregnant. A brief history:

My son's gf had a daughter removed from her care, last year, due to neglect. I cannot find out the ins and outs of this. The child now lives with her dad and my son's gf has supervised visitation. She also had an abortion last year. It has been reported to me that she has drank alcohol and smoked all through her pregnancy. I live 200 miles from them, so I only hear this from my family and friends. The child is one week old and is in the Special Care Baby Unit, but may be allowed out in the next few days. I have just found out that my son and his gf have been out drinking all weekend and not seen much of their boy and my concern is once they get him home, he will not be cared for properly, give her past history. As the paternal grandmother, do I have any rights to find out if social services are involved or get any help, as i feel helpless at the moment! I feel my son is lying to me to keep me happy, which I certainly as not. What should I do??

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 24/02/2025 13:17

Can you not drive up to the hospital today and see what the situation is? Arrange to meet your son there and go visit baby to start with.

kayj1970 · 24/02/2025 13:41

I live 200 miles away, it’s not that easy and I don’t want to drive all that way to be lied to or the midwives can’t tell me anything

OP posts:
YesHonestly · 24/02/2025 13:43

You can submit a referral if you’re concerned.

If she has had a child removed previously I would be surprised if SS aren’t involved, but I wouldn’t take it for granted.

Google the town name and MASH and their contact details should come up. You can raise concerns but they won’t go into details around whether they have involvement with newborn or not.

Interested in this thread?

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cheseandme · 24/02/2025 13:44

I personally would be getting straight in my car and going to assess the situation.
Hopefully the child protection team are already involved.

YellowHatt · 24/02/2025 13:45

Sorry OP but if I had a newborn grandchild in needing special care I’d drop everything for a couple of weeks and set up in a hotel nearby. Does your son not need your support? If only moral support? Wouldn’t he want you near?

Caspianberg · 24/02/2025 13:48

Yeah I would just drive.
I assume you’re considering whether you might need to actually to take over guardianship for a while, or permanently? In which case a trip is a tiny inconvenience

call your son, tell him you would like to come up and see him and baby a few days and go from there. Take a few family emergency days from work

Squeakpopcorn · 24/02/2025 13:51

YellowHatt · 24/02/2025 13:45

Sorry OP but if I had a newborn grandchild in needing special care I’d drop everything for a couple of weeks and set up in a hotel nearby. Does your son not need your support? If only moral support? Wouldn’t he want you near?

Good post.

Astronautstar · 24/02/2025 14:05

I don't understand why you're not there to visit and offer support like most grandparents do.

Acc0untant · 24/02/2025 14:13

It sounds like they're both being terrible parents.

You can report to social services and see what comes of it. Unless the parents are willingly going to let you take the baby home there'll not be much you can do. The hospital won't (or shouldn't) give you information.

nepobaby · 24/02/2025 15:13

What horrible awful parents they are. I don't understand why you didn't drive up there the way this poor little boy was born.

This has to be a windup.

I hope the correct services are already involved and are planning for this boy to go to another loving family.

nepobaby · 24/02/2025 15:14

YellowHatt · 24/02/2025 13:45

Sorry OP but if I had a newborn grandchild in needing special care I’d drop everything for a couple of weeks and set up in a hotel nearby. Does your son not need your support? If only moral support? Wouldn’t he want you near?

The son is a grown arse bloke choosing to go out and get drunk whilst his child is in intensive care...

Pathetic excuses of parents they are.

Acc0untant · 24/02/2025 15:16

nepobaby · 24/02/2025 15:13

What horrible awful parents they are. I don't understand why you didn't drive up there the way this poor little boy was born.

This has to be a windup.

I hope the correct services are already involved and are planning for this boy to go to another loving family.

Special Care Units typically only allow parents (or siblings of the new baby) to visit.

Aknifewith16blades · 24/02/2025 15:36

What a difficult situation OP. I can see why you are concerned.

You could call the NSPCC who will advise on next-steps.

ValentinesGranny · 24/02/2025 18:35

That poor baby. I can't believe you haven't visited already. My GC was probably born the same time. I did a round trip of 600 miles the week before when I was made aware she'd be arriving at a similar date (and birth weight, (no alcohol or cigarettes involved there), to make sure I cleared my diary to visit the day of her birth and be around to give my support.
Please be a troll.

cheseandme · 24/02/2025 18:39

Hopefully as the Mothers other child was removed from her care then she will be on Child protection radar !!

YesHonestly · 25/02/2025 17:15

ValentinesGranny · 24/02/2025 18:35

That poor baby. I can't believe you haven't visited already. My GC was probably born the same time. I did a round trip of 600 miles the week before when I was made aware she'd be arriving at a similar date (and birth weight, (no alcohol or cigarettes involved there), to make sure I cleared my diary to visit the day of her birth and be around to give my support.
Please be a troll.

Did the parents ask you to do that?

The OP hasn’t been asked, and as visiting is restricted on NICU, the OP wouldn’t have been able to visit anyway.

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