Compassionate leave - help!

[Wingingit07]

👋 hello

I need some help please! I'm so very tired and exhausted so going straight to the question... I will need compassionate leave for MIL soon (we are very close and I have children). If work offer 5 days compassionate leave can I self certify for 7 days after? Or is compassionate leave considered as the sick leave? Would I do 1 week compassionate leave then need to go to dr for a fit note?

I'm basically unsure if you can self certify for 7 days after compassionate leave or if it has to go through GP following compassionate leave

Ideally I'd require 2 weeks off.

Thank you

I actually agree with this op, look after yourself and I'm sorry for your loss of your dh and that you are going through another hard time.

can I add . I would keep the children in nursery as much as possible . Let nursery know ..

we lost a very close friend when my Ds was 4 .. He was very very clingy , struggled me been out of sight - This was over the Christmas holidays.i was really concerned how he would manage going back to reception . In reality it was the best thing for both of us . Gave me space to grieve and gave Ds a chance for normality .

Thanks all for the lovely comments and the answers to the original post.

Negative comments such as why would you guess 2 weeks, won't your children be at school, why are you planning to be sick when you're not etc have stopped now. I am sorry again I didnt give full details in my original post, i just assumed I could ask a question here and be given the facts of what is correct by someone whose been through the process or a hr guru (rather than what people think is morally right)
...Kindness always prevails and thankyou again for the comments. I will look at options too for the present moment to ensure im not burning out right now.

Ps my MIL is 60 (not elderly, in my eyes)

60 is premature and traumatic on top of losing a husband early as well.

BTW, my GP just wrote on a certificate for me to do "multiple bereavements." I was incoherent with grief when I spoke to them. Humanity prevailed, and on that occasion, I did actually use the FIT note as intended and only took time to manage admin (funeral director and registrar, etc). A further bereavement was the one where my manager just rang me and told me unequivocally to take a fortnight. I didn't work for a fortnight then. Both approaches worked for me. I had time, support , and flexibility. I went back to work grateful and continued to be a loyal employee.

I suspect the harsh responses come from those either denied humanity themselves or with limited life experience.

Are you talking about when she dies or for funeral. Unfortunately there could well be more than two weeks between the events, so you would divide the cl.

Lots of people are not reading your posts. I'm so sorry you're getting such cold responses from some people.

Of course it's devastating to lose your husband's mother when you've lost your husband. This is not a normal in-law situation. You absolutely have a right to have time off amidst this trauma. It is very normal to be off sick after an upsetting bereavement. It makes no difference whether your children are at nursery! Some empathy is missing in a lot of these responses!

sorry to hear about your MIL. See what is offered when the time comes, and then get signed off sick if needed.

Fwiw, I was happy to allow 2 weeks of compassionate leave and another week over the funeral, for a team member whose family member died before xmas. Long standing employee and the kindness went a long way. A few years previously my manager allowed me a week after the death of dd, and then I had to get signed off.

I’m so sorry @Wingingit07 if my comment came across as one of the shitty ones. I really didn’t intend it to be, it was supposed to be factual, and I can’t apologise enough if it upset you. I’m very sorry about your MIL and DH. In your situation, it’s completely understandable to need the time off, and agree with posters who’ve said that you can get signed off now if you need it.

to you. I really hope that the manager who only gave you a week off is no longer your manager. Unless they were more compassionate than your post makes it sound.

Check your contract. Not all employers offer compassionate leave (paid or unpaid). Everyone entitled to dependent leave. Statutory is unpaid. You can however if the situation impacting your own health and your GP agrees you need time off get a fit note after a week of self certified sickness.

I was signed off sick for a month with carer stress- father terminally ill - when my Dad was in hospice. GP didn’t seem at all concerned about doing this.

Go to GP and get signed off for how ever long. I knew someone who's dad was diagnosed with cancer had 3 months off with the stress of it all as she had to care for him. They were fully paid.

You can , all my team have who have been bereaved. You class it as stress.

Have you lost a close relative ? Two weeks is nothing.

i work with someone who lost a parent at christmas... they still have not returned to work and are submitting sick notes on a regular basis, no idea what's on the sick not but i would assume stress!

a couple of years ago my very close friend passed away after i had been their main carer for 2 years while terminally ill.. my work refused to give me any compastionate leave because they were not related or close family. i went off stick the very next day, i had 3 weeks off in total (should have been more but didnt want to take the piss) and i belive the fitnote simply said bereavement.

i would argue it depends on the relationship you have with the deceased, although as ive mentioned i work with someone who took a year off after their dad passed away and is currently still off after losing another parent at christmas.

my DD's in their 20's lost their dad 3 years ago and i think in total they took about 3 weeks off work! different people grieve in different ways, and some just take the piss

@ashamedtramp @notatinydancer

It was a question, not a criticism. It was early in the thread and there was no context. Yes, I've lost a very close relative. Given OP's circumstances I completely understand why she anticipates she'd need that time off. I also understand she was looking for more practical advice on getting time off but honestly that's quite difficult to answer depending on your work place.

I'm.very relieved that my managers are significantly more open to providing compassionate leave than many people on here. I hope you have the same.

Every bereavement is different, every relationship is different. Sudden traumatic death can leave you in shock and unfit for much. Prolonged illness and decline with high caring responsibilities can leave you on your knees. Funerals are incredibly demanding. The question is, are you fit to work? I hope your GP is supportive in certifying you as not fit if you are not fit. Mine was wonderful.

I would guess if you already know you will be out of a safe state to work for two weeks, you may well need longer in reality. I hope you get time to recover.

I went through a really traumatic bereavement after a long, drawn out and equally traumatic period of caring. It hit me like a bus and there were various investigations after the death. I was given 2 weeks compassionate leave plus some holiday and sick leave later down the line with the investigations as I really suffered. Just have an open conversation about your concerns in that you don't quite know how long you will need, and will likely need some flexibility.

Compassionate leave can be discretionary too. If you have an excellent sick history then good practice would take that into account. I really hope you are well supported through this difficult period

@InsegnanteScozzese I didn't really feel it relevant; everyone has different relationships with people ie an aunt could be closer then a mother. If somebody is saying ideally they'd need 2 weeks off for grief, we need to trust that is how the person feels and who are we to question why somebody may feel they need this time. Knowing the context or my workplace doesnt really change the answer as they're should only be 1 answer to my question (i just didnt know what it was hence asking). I really didn't think asking a practical question required information about my child being at nursery not school, age of MIL, explanation that I lost my husband etc (appreciate you didn't ask these questions) I was merely just seeking an answer 'no you can't self certify after compassionate leave' or 'yes you can'.

Thankyou all for the information you've given me with your own experiences, from the responses received in answer to my original post, I understand you take compassionate leave (if granted) then you can self certify after up to 7 days and then anything after receive a medical note for the dr if required (should I need this time) please correct me if I am wrong. I'm sorry for everyone who has also been in this position, it really is so upsetting 💐

Your latest post is spot on in terms of what you’d need to do time off wise.

sorry you are going through this. Grief and the anticipation of it is crap.

The only reason it's relevant is because, to my mind, it changes the answer. If you're taking the time off because you will be grieving then sick leave seems appropriate. I didn't know if you were taking it off because you needed to figure out childcare then sick leave wouldn't be appropriate. It was hard to know that without some context.

I am very sorry for your loss and wish you and your children all the best.