Death bed notes

[ladybird780]

I’ve always been - sorry to say - embarrassed that my Dad committed suicide. I was a very young teen and the way the whole family made it known that it was shameful.

I have always struggled obviously given the upbringing but am from the millennial (working class) generation that had no choice but to DEAL with shit - my question is, I’ve read a book recently that had a ‘goodbye’ note - we didn’t get anything from my dad so it made me wonder what I’d want from it - almost as a healing exercise.

I started making notes but got sad - if you could have a note from your lost one - what would it say?

Oh goodness, what a lot to deal with . I'm sorry for your loss.

Have you had any therapy? You could investigate this in a supported way perhaps.

My dad was an alcoholic and died just after I turned 20 essentially from his addiction (my mum died when I was in primary school). I found a card a couple of years ago, a birthday card he must have given to me and my sister 1 month before he died- it basically apologised for all he’d put us through and how proud he was of who we were. It really is so dear to me now.
I would have loved it to be filled with some of his favourite family memories too.

My mentor died of cancer at 60 yo. She was older than me and an extra nan to my children. I mrmuss her so much and cherish her letter dearly.

I’m the same OP, my Dad committed suicide last year and no note, nothing.
I wish we had more of an insight as to why he did what he did, or actually just a goodbye note saying that he couldn’t carry on anymore and that he loved us all and my own children.

As we now have so many unanswered questions and I’ll always to my dying day ‘why’.

I'm so sorry OP, especially that you were taught that your dad feeling unable to go on living was in some way shameful. It's just very very sad.
A relative of mine who I was fond of committed suicide when I was just out of my teens and fortunately did leave a note. It said that none of us should feel bad because we had always been kind to her, but she was in constant pain and in fear of it getting worse, and lonely having lost the person she loved most, and just had to go. She apologised for the distress it would cause.
The note was helpful, though it didn't stop us all feeling guilty and miserable.
A note from a dad who committed suicide while his children were still young, might go something like this. 'I'm in such a dark place that I think you'll be better off without me. I just can't see my way to make anything better. I do love you and I want you to be happy and live your lives'.

My father committed suicide when I was 17, also without a note as far as I'm aware, though my DM did explain why she thought it was. Effectively, it was a MH issue but I never felt any shame from it. I understand that he would have found it impossible to write about in a note though.

Oh gosh OP. I'm so sorry. And to others who have lost parents to suicide.

I lost my mum very suddenly and unexpectedly which which blew up my world but I cannot imagine the how hard it must be to lose a parent to suicide, especially when you are so young yourself.

I hope you access all the help and support available and I hope you've been able to find some "peace" for want of a better word.

Apologies if this just sounds patronising. It's something there aren't any words to express.