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Original poster

Getting kids ready for a party

21 replies

Lojong · 22/02/2025 13:27

Does anyone else find this incredibly stressful? I think I've inherited some really unhelpful stuff from my mum that I'd love to shake off. Just reflecting after a stressful time getting ready for a party today.

I feel huge pressure to have my girls looking neat and lovely, hair to be nice, lovely outfit etc. They are scruffy muddy kids so it's a bit of a transformation tbh! Why can't I just let them be - I definitely feel I will be judged and this would feel horrible. I wish I didn't care. I feel like this when getting them ready for school photo day too. Maybe I'm just not that good at making them presentable but I wish I was and just want them to fit in...anyone else?

OP posts:
MumChp · 22/02/2025 13:40

Step down.
Nice clothes on. Hair brushed. Out of door.
It's just fine.

PercyFone · 22/02/2025 13:46

You really really won't be judged. No one cares, and within 3 minutes of getting on a bouncy castle they all look like haystacks.

mnahmnah · 22/02/2025 13:47

As long as they are wearing clean clothes, none of the rest matters! Grab the present. Leave the house.

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TwentyTwentyFive · 22/02/2025 13:48

Honestly this sounds like you're creating a scenario which just isn't happening. No one is judging you or your small children for not looking picture perfect at a kids party. Hair in a ponytail and practical clothing on and go. It's not a fashion show it's a birthday party.

Lampzade · 22/02/2025 13:49

Op, with respect your stress is self induced

Original poster
Lojong · 22/02/2025 14:12

MumChp · 22/02/2025 13:40

Step down.
Nice clothes on. Hair brushed. Out of door.
It's just fine.

Edited

I wish I could feel this way! I spent time trying to do French pleats as there's been nits around recently but abandoned it as child was wriggling and it was too hard, just put a hairband in in the end.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lojong · 22/02/2025 14:14

Lampzade · 22/02/2025 13:49

Op, with respect your stress is self induced

Absolutely agree, all stress is really isn't it - the way we approach certain things and I'm sure others will get stressed about things that I don't because of how they think. Just looking for a bit of empathy and points that might help me let it go a bit, all are helpful so far.

OP posts:
MumChp · 22/02/2025 14:15

Lojong · 22/02/2025 14:12

I wish I could feel this way! I spent time trying to do French pleats as there's been nits around recently but abandoned it as child was wriggling and it was too hard, just put a hairband in in the end.

Show quote history

The ponytail or plaits is just fine. Don't waste a lot of energy on it.

NuffSaidSam · 22/02/2025 14:17

You need to unpack this for yourself.

Clean and presentable is all that is needed for a children's party.

Let them choose what they want to wear and how they want their hair etc. Don't send them the message that who they are day to day isn't good enough. You'll set them up with the same issues you have if you carry on with this, unpack it for their sake.

Parker231 · 22/02/2025 14:17

Lojong · 22/02/2025 14:12

I wish I could feel this way! I spent time trying to do French pleats as there's been nits around recently but abandoned it as child was wriggling and it was too hard, just put a hairband in in the end.

Show quote history

How old are they and what’s the party activity?

InTheRainOnATrain · 22/02/2025 14:18

Unless this is Grandma’s party in a michelin star restaurant you’re being way OTT! Clean clothes but whatever they’d wear normally, hair brushed back in ponytail to avoid nits or cupcake icing getting in it, grab the present and job done.

Mumneedstea · 22/02/2025 14:27

Your post reminded me of a friend of mine who's kids are always impeccably dressed... In fact, the entire family is impeccably dressed - think colour matching outfits, her son and husband will have the same colour blazers, mum and daughter will have dresses that match the blazer colours or contrast perfectly with it, her daughter's hair would be perfectly braided with matching ribbons.
They look perfect, but they're always running late and my friend is constantly stressed. I would rather be on time than be constantly stressed 😊

Do yourself a favour and make this easier for yourself.

Original poster
Lojong · 22/02/2025 14:27

NuffSaidSam · 22/02/2025 14:17

You need to unpack this for yourself.

Clean and presentable is all that is needed for a children's party.

Let them choose what they want to wear and how they want their hair etc. Don't send them the message that who they are day to day isn't good enough. You'll set them up with the same issues you have if you carry on with this, unpack it for their sake.

Yes I really want to. I do accept them day to day, and they are scruffier than many peoples kids day to day. This really doesn't bother me as I know they are happy and don't care much about appearances, which makes me happy.

But in my mind for some reason, events like this are not day to day - they are times when you can't just be yourself, you need to scrub up or you won't be acceptable to others. That's a bit messed up isn't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lojong · 22/02/2025 14:28

@Parker231 6/7 and it's a girly getting nails done kinda party.

OP posts:
Mumneedstea · 22/02/2025 14:29

I'm assuming this is for a children's party and not something more formal? In which case, as PP have said, they just need clean regular clothes and hair brushed

NuffSaidSam · 22/02/2025 14:30

Lojong · 22/02/2025 14:27

Yes I really want to. I do accept them day to day, and they are scruffier than many peoples kids day to day. This really doesn't bother me as I know they are happy and don't care much about appearances, which makes me happy.

But in my mind for some reason, events like this are not day to day - they are times when you can't just be yourself, you need to scrub up or you won't be acceptable to others. That's a bit messed up isn't it.

Show quote history

It is a bit messed up! That's probably come from your upbringing. You can recognise it though and that's half the battle.

Original poster
Lojong · 22/02/2025 14:30

Mumneedstea · 22/02/2025 14:27

Your post reminded me of a friend of mine who's kids are always impeccably dressed... In fact, the entire family is impeccably dressed - think colour matching outfits, her son and husband will have the same colour blazers, mum and daughter will have dresses that match the blazer colours or contrast perfectly with it, her daughter's hair would be perfectly braided with matching ribbons.
They look perfect, but they're always running late and my friend is constantly stressed. I would rather be on time than be constantly stressed 😊

Do yourself a favour and make this easier for yourself.

This is definitely not us, I do feel we are surrounded by a lot of kids who look like this, particularly in this child's peer group so I have a sense it's what's expected. I feel it a bit with my older child but the group vibe is different.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 22/02/2025 14:33

Lojong · 22/02/2025 14:28

@Parker231 6/7 and it's a girly getting nails done kinda party.

At that age they are going to run around a lot and probably get messy so clean tidy clothes but nothing too dressy and hair tided up out of the way.

newkettleandtoaster · 22/02/2025 14:38

I find just about everything with kids stressful....but not this.

Clothes on snd out the door.

With respect, nobody cares what your kids are wearing.

Mumneedstea · 22/02/2025 14:38

Ah - so in this case, the issue is that you're comparing yourself and your kids to others who probably have a different lifestyle that yours.
In my experience, they may be judging you,but that says a lot more about them that you.

If your girls love dressing up, that's great, but they also need to learn that not wanting to be like that is also ok, and right now they're probably getting the opposite message from you.

Original poster
Lojong · 22/02/2025 15:16

Mumneedstea · 22/02/2025 14:38

Ah - so in this case, the issue is that you're comparing yourself and your kids to others who probably have a different lifestyle that yours.
In my experience, they may be judging you,but that says a lot more about them that you.

If your girls love dressing up, that's great, but they also need to learn that not wanting to be like that is also ok, and right now they're probably getting the opposite message from you.

This is helpful thanks. As my honest reaction to 'it's ok to not want to dress up' is 'is it really?'. I think as a child it was not ok for me to want that. I'll reflect on this.

OP posts:
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