I feel vulnerable about sleeping

[ReadersWife]

I've resurrected an old user name about the same subject. I have had difficulty sleeping going right back to when I was young. I've recently been diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD and it seems that sleep is an issue there, but it really doesn't fit with how I feel about it. I'm a night owl and go to bed late and I always fight the need to bed down. I feel vulnerable about sleeping. When I was young my godfather used to come into my bedroom when I stayed there. I've had lots of therapy over the years about what he did or didn't do. I do know that he used to kiss me, on the lips and more. But I also know because he told me after we split up that my exH used to take intimate photos of me when I was asleep. I used to sleep naked and would sleep on my back with my legs spread and he would get up in the night and take intimate photos of me. He was a self-confessed porn addict and I would see Readers Wives sites open on his laptop when he had gone to sleep so I have no doubt he uploaded those photos. I want to go to sleep and feel safe, but I don't. Even when I am alone. How can I move past this? It's 2am and I'm exhausted and want to sleep. It's a fight I have every single night, so tired and want to sleep but scared of how vulnerable it makes me feel.

Report your godfather to the police.

You can report both your godfather and your ex husband to the police. If your ex did upload photos of you then there’s evidence of what he did. Take courage from the recent trial in France. Sexually violating someone while they are unconscious is a crime.

Assuming you live and sleep alone now maybe consciously doing things that will help you feel safer at bedtime will help. A hot bath before bed to relax you. Chamomile tea or another of the blends for bedtime. A lock on your bedroom door. A soft nightlight. Soothing music or nature sounds. Pyjamas rather than a night dress. A weighted blanket or maybe cocooning yourself in your duvet. Or perhaps if that would make you feel trapped, lighter bedding and a fleece throw for warmth. Having a soothing phrase that you repeat in your mind until you fall asleep. A window slightly open so you get some fresh air and don’t feel stifled (only if that would feel said course). Maybe even have something to cuddle. If not a cuddly toy a spare pillow possibly. If you can organise this sort of thing into a ritual and go to bed at the same time every night, you might find the whole thing sort of over takes your fear.

More therapy might be useful or maybe you have gone as far as you can with that. But even if you do have more, taking those steps improve your sleep, if only a little, will improve your life in the short term and make you more able to get the best from therapy if you return to it.

I hope you find some peace soon

Didn't some old porno mags used to have a section for reader's wives? Is that what you're on about?

Oh gosh that sounds so hard, op. Your bedroom should be a place of absolute safety. I'm so sorry that those bastards took that away from you.

I'm wondering if there are any practical changes that might help a little? Reclaim your bedroom and make it absolutely yours? I don't know what that might look like for you, but for me I moved everything around and removed everything that didn't belong in a safe sleeping space. I ended up with just my bed, my teddy bear, a chair I love, a bookshelf of books, a pretty nightlight, and a couple of ornaments. I got new bedding too. Sorry if this isn't a helpful suggestion.