Found out attacker now in prison, not sure how to feel

Namechange6578 · 2025-02-22T01:07:51+00:00

I don't know what I want from talking about this. But just got back from a night out with my best friend and she told me something, very delicately I might add bless her she's lovely... I was raped over 20 years ago, it got thrown out of court on the morning of the trial due to lack of evidence. She has heard recently through someone her partner knows that he's now in prison, in their words "for being a nonce" I feel happy?? That at last he has punishment. But is it normal that I want more details, I don't know why but it's woken all these feelings inside me. I'm home now, confused. Husband in bed (we were together when it happened and he was someone jw went to school with) and my two beautiful girls. I haven't dwelled on this for so so many years but it's just awoken it all. FFS

SerenStarEtoile · 22/02/2025 01:52

Hi OP

I’m so sorry this happened when you were younger; and I’m so glad you found a lovely man to have your girls with.

I think it’s normal to be happy that your attacker is finally in prison; it’s some vindication for you and payback for him. They do say that in life you eventually get what you deserve; also better late than never!

Having said that, I also think it’s normal to have feelings that were buried rise to the surface. At the time, there was no satisfactory conclusion for you, and I’m really sorry that happened. You knew the truth, but apart from your own circle, you weren’t heard.

Some counselling with someone who specialises in this area would probably be helpful.

Best wishes.

Original poster

Namechange6578 · 22/02/2025 02:03

Thank you so much for replying. At the time I had one chat with victim support through the police, but no other counselling as such. I do feel validated in a way, like look everyone what he is!
It's hard after all this time, I'm glad my friend told me but it's also brought all these feelings back to the surface

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Original poster

Namechange6578 · 22/02/2025 02:13

Just to add, I'm feeling like the justice system is so shit. Are there others in the 20 years he has abused?? Before he was caught?

My word against his it was I understand, but 20 years... Better late than never but I struggle to believe they were isolated incidents 😢

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Lurkingandlearning · 22/02/2025 03:29

It’s a double edged situation isn’t it. It’s good for you to know he’s finally met with justice but it’s bound to rekindle your pain. And as much as you’re glad he is finally in prison I imagine you might feel some resentment that it isn’t punishment for what he did to you. That crime has been unanswered.

I too would want to know all the details. When I read about certain people being sent to prison I often wonder what happens next. I’d like to know they are in the worst prison and have little or nothing to give them any pleasure in life, that they are afraid and unhappy every day of their lives. I know I’d feel a lot stronger about that had I been one of their victims

NorthernChinchilla · 22/02/2025 07:18

Just to say OP, certainly in our area, you can self-refer to Victim Support? Doesn't have to be a recent crime, or one that's been reported to the Police/currently going through the justice system. They may be able to help, and/or refer you on to a specific charity that helps people who have suffered sexual assualts/rape.

bythebanksof · 22/02/2025 10:41

@Namechange6578 That must be very difficult. Something that you had not thought about for a long time, and it's back again. Sadly, this is fairly typical. Based on the posts above, it seems like you had little support at the time. You could consider calling your local sexual assault service. You might benefit from having the opportunity to speak with someone.

I work in the legal area (and prior to that 5 years as a police officer). It's very normal for victims to want to know "more". Victims (and the jury) are typically very uninformed with respect to the bigger picture. Of course, I can't know in your case, but in the cases I've worked on rapists typically have a whole string of crimes associated with them for which there was never a conviction. It can be petty theft, battery, and so on. Sadly, it is very likely there are more victims.

Question 1 for you: are you going to discuss this with your DH? Think carefully about that. You said your DH knows the person? Take your time, there is not rush. That is shocking news, and will take some time to process.

Question 2 for you: is this something you think about regularly? Or was this completely forgotten about and is in the past? Looking externally, counselling has been very helpful for people I've worked with, especially if it is something impacting them on an ongoing basis.

Note: I'm asking you to ask yourself these questions, not for answering me in this forum :)

Wishing you all the best OP. Take care of yourself.

BackToBedford · 22/02/2025 16:31

Assuming you know the person's name, then I'd expect that would some internet searching you might find some additional information online.

I'm sorry that you did not get justice, but that seems so typical? Thankfully he has been caught and imprisoned, but that means there are indeed additional victim(s).

It must be a rollercoaster of emotion to think back to that time again. Best wishes!

Original poster

Namechange6578 · 22/02/2025 17:15

BackToBedford · 22/02/2025 16:31

Assuming you know the person's name, then I'd expect that would some internet searching you might find some additional information online.

I'm sorry that you did not get justice, but that seems so typical? Thankfully he has been caught and imprisoned, but that means there are indeed additional victim(s).

It must be a rollercoaster of emotion to think back to that time again. Best wishes!

Yes I did end up googling today and found a news article which gives more info. He was done for online grooming 13 year olds, sending / asking for indecent photos. Had been done for it before and the final time turned out to be an undercover officer, so think thats why he got a prison sentence. Only got a few years but at least he'll now be a registered sex offender I guess.

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plantpottie · 23/02/2025 11:47

The fact you were brave enough to report him, prepare for court and try and get him convicted makes you an absolute hero in my eyes.
The justice system let you and his other victims down, but the fact that you reported him and he was charged and the details of your case will surely have been on his record and possibly helped the police identify him as a risk and re-offender and helped contribute to pushing him up the priority list for building a case/a sting operation against him.

All your feelings seem absolutely normal and understandable and think going and talking about it to a professional who's experienced in supporting victims of these sorts of crimes would be a good idea.

bythebanksof · 23/02/2025 12:10

100% agree with this > The fact you were brave enough to report him, prepare for court and try and get him convicted makes you an absolute hero in my eyes <

I don't currently work in UK, but with more integrated police work/systems it is indeed very possible that the OPs original reporting was instrumental in the case progressing.

bythebanksof · 23/02/2025 12:11

.. apologies for the mess up formatting in the above. Don't know what happened!

Original poster

Namechange6578 · 23/02/2025 13:12

For some reason I didn't think they took previous accusations into consideration, if it did help then I am so glad I did go through with it!

My now MIL called the police initially, I never once thought about withdrawing and it was 7 months before it reached court. I was all ready to go in and speak, they'd arranged a screen for me to stand behind - but despite the CPS deciding to pursue it I guess the judge that morning didn't think there was a realistic chance of conviction.

Funnily enough, the person that heard the conversation about him now being in prison, also heard one of the group say that they thought there was something years ago that happened..
So I also think maybe any doubters at the time may now believe me which is a good feeling !

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BackToBedford · 23/02/2025 13:34

@Namechange6578 That must be really difficult to think there were doubters at the time :( Based on your post it seems that there were multiple offences over a long period of time. That's awful to think about. As you say he's a registered sex offender now, and in prison. It's not justice for the victims, but at least he has been finally caught that to people coming forward! Hope he has a terrible time there!!

plantpottie · 25/02/2025 19:06

@Namechange6578 I think there would have been less doubters at the time, but unfortunately it's so hard to convict and maybe, although I'm sure it doesn't feel this way, that although it must have been so distressing at the time to have the case pulled last minute, perhaps the CPS did the right thing to spare you the ordeal of cross examination etc in court when

plantpottie · 25/02/2025 19:15

Sorry pushed too soon!

....it looked like very slim chance of a prosecution.

The arrest and the case building, your evidence, the interviews etc will still be documented and in his file, particularly if he stayed in the same area. Often police have to build a case to catch someone like him over a very long period of time unfortunately.

It may be that other victims come forward now he's been convicted because it's safer to do so now he's in prison and that the police will believe them.

The court can't hear evidence about former crimes, convicted or not, because they have to hear the case in front of them without the prejudice of knowing about other crimes convicted by the accused.

But if found guilty then the judge can hear more about the accused history to ensure sentencing can reflect that. Obviously that's when former crimes can be mentioned, I'm not sure about arrests, but I'm sure because of how far your case when the police and CPS definitely believed you, and I assume it would have been mentioned at that point because of it's relevance as a sexual crime.

So please don't feel your case was dropped because you weren't believed or a credible witness, it's unlikely that was the case at all x

Original poster

Namechange6578 · 25/02/2025 21:14

plantpottie · 25/02/2025 19:15

Sorry pushed too soon!

....it looked like very slim chance of a prosecution.

The arrest and the case building, your evidence, the interviews etc will still be documented and in his file, particularly if he stayed in the same area. Often police have to build a case to catch someone like him over a very long period of time unfortunately.

It may be that other victims come forward now he's been convicted because it's safer to do so now he's in prison and that the police will believe them.

The court can't hear evidence about former crimes, convicted or not, because they have to hear the case in front of them without the prejudice of knowing about other crimes convicted by the accused.

But if found guilty then the judge can hear more about the accused history to ensure sentencing can reflect that. Obviously that's when former crimes can be mentioned, I'm not sure about arrests, but I'm sure because of how far your case when the police and CPS definitely believed you, and I assume it would have been mentioned at that point because of it's relevance as a sexual crime.

So please don't feel your case was dropped because you weren't believed or a credible witness, it's unlikely that was the case at all x

Thank you for this message x

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