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Sis n law confiding only in me

2 replies

mumsthewordi · 21/02/2025 22:00

Hello all,

My oh is one of three brothers, he doesn't get in with the youngest - youngest has many insecurities, has been quite selfish as they were grown up, never worked and lived off the parents and blames my oh for always stealing the limelight (go figure, he has a job kids and home).

Anyway oh bro has only been married a few years , has a baby and is treating his wife badly - not helping at all with kid, and being mentally and verbally abusive to her, but he doesn't talk to either me or my OH, so I know he wouldn't take kindly to her opening up to me of all people.

I've asked her to talk to him , try counselling or talk to his mum or other bro whom he gets on with, yet she keeps sending me his abusive texts, and complaining about him. I just don't want him to have another reason to have a go at OH about - oh knows she's confiding in me and said I'm an adult and can talk to whom I want, I wouldn't say we're mates as such and I don't know how else to help other. Also feels she's venting rather than wanting to take any action.

What would you do ?

OP posts:
SerenStarEtoile · 22/02/2025 00:28

Hi OP

You sound like you’ve been a good friend to her but I think that’s all you can be.

it feels like she’s wanting someone to sort this out for her, but she’s the one who has to do that. You’ve given her support and good advice re the other brother, but she hasn’t acted.

I know it’s distressing but I think you should be clear that you can be a listening ear but if she wants change, she is the one who must take charge of that.

If there’s going to be uproar in the family, it’s best you and DH are not the instigators - that’s a complication that could cause further trouble and potentially a rift in the family because it will be ammunition for the deadbeat and muddy the water regarding his abusive behaviour.

mumsthewordi · 22/02/2025 15:01

Yes good advice thank you
I've not been so strict to say I can't help
But I've just said "sorry to hear."
I'm not giving much for her to go on
Feels a bit mean

OP posts:
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