Has your partner’s attractiveness faded with age and lack of effort?

[SparklyNewMe]

In a long-term relationship here, he is mid-fifties, me mid-forties. Both have always taken care of ourselves in a well-groomed way, healthy weight, nothing fake. Probably 6-7 out of 10 on a vanity scale. He has lost interest in looking good in the last few years.

No denying that with age it has started to take more effort, but DH has not felt the pressure to make that extra effort, in fact he cares less. Personal hygiene is impeccable but facial hair grows out in all the wrong place, he cuts his nails less often, shaves less, does not bother to tidy his neck between haircuts, dry skin he does not bother to moisturise. Does not even bother with nice clothes, same stuff on rotation. He will only scrub up before a big event or holiday, very comfortable in his skin and, I guess, does not care if I find him attractive. I have mentioned this to him, but understandably he got angry. It feels very sad, like a part of his personality has changed, I used to be so proud of how he presented himself. I know the world would not stand for a man saying to woman to take better care of herself, so I am unreasonable. Still, kind of very sad, I do not fancy him as much with grey hair poking out of his nose and Brezhnev brows…

I think that as long as the two people in a relationship are on the same page about it and both only have “took a shower today” as their requirement for finding each other sexy, it’s absolutely fine. You presumably aren’t the only one who feels that way, I see a lot of couples walking around where it’s pretty clear neither person cares about looking good, and hopefully they’re both happy with it. It becomes a problem where one person has simply gotten lazy and stopped making any effort, and the other person sees that as a big “fuck you - I don’t give a damn if you find me attractive or not, who cares what you think about anything” - because that lack of caring what your partner thinks often spreads into other areas of not caring about your partner’s opinion or feelings, and is the beginning of the end.

Have you looked around lately? Or better still tried some OLD? Seriously, the next time you’re in the supermarket or out on the street walking, take a really good look at those middle aged men and think about what you just said 😁

It's really funny to me that there are people out there who think that men looking after themselves is immediately love island levels of preening.
While some women would be turned off by a man having a moisturiser routine, nothing is more unsexy to me than a man who would refuse to do something that they might enjoy or might help them on the basis of some outdated view of masculinity. Its so interesting how we're all wired so differently!
i mean, this might be because if you really genuinely believe using moisturiser makes you less of a man, you're not very smart, and if you think doing something 'girly' is somehow a negative thing then you're an old school misogynist too. i understand sometimes that its a 'feeling' driving it rather than a 'belief' but im surprised at how many people genuinely do believe it makes you less of a man, when 'manly' traits are essentially made up of 'not what we consider feminine' traits and are something totally made up anyway! Sorry, just thinking out loud - nothing sexier to me than a man who couldn't give a shit about making sure he was sticking to some made up rules of masculinity!

Another thing to consider is that mid 40s we both looked a lot better than mid fifties - we are the same age btw - but both of us had still great hair/skin/bodies mid forties and by mid fifties we are def more wrinkly and saggy and grey/thinning hair and fighting against weight gain - you are 10 years behind your DH so maybe in 10 years you will be in the same boat? Just a thought...

I think the 10 year age gap may be relevant, I'm 53 and sadly I think I've aged quite a bit since 43:(
I would casually mention the hair protruding out of ears etc and hope he takes the hint.
I bought DH some moisturiser as a stocking filler at Xmas but he barely uses it.
Clothes wise we used to go shopping together and he pretty much wears whatever outfit I chose for him. He's never been motivated by clothes.
He has aged better than me, apart from receding hairline.
I think I used to be more attractive than him when we were younger but now it's the other way round.
He's very fit and exercises every day, whereas I am overweight and my face seems to have drooped downwards!
Ive had 4 DC, lots of stress and carried the bulk of caring for seriously ill DC which I think its taken its toll on my body/face.
To a certain extent I think a lot of people are less bothered by appearance as they got older,more comfortable in their own skin.

Agreed. When I look back at photos of dh and I in our 40s compared to now (both late 50s), I'm shocked at how different we look!

Brezhnev brows had me in stitches😂