What To Do About Friends Who Keep Saying “ We Must Meet Soon”?

[RabbitsRock]

I have a few like this & it can be frustrating, especially as mostly they’re not even suggesting any possible dates to meet up. Obviously I can make suggestions but I don’t want it to always come from me. How long do you persevere in situations like this?

I would make an effort a few times, and then just leave it up to them. If that means we don’t meet, so be it.

I arrange the first meet up and then do nothing unless they contact me.

I’ve ended up booking things for myself and going ‘ok I’ve booked my tickets, let me know if you’re coming!’

If I’ve given dates for a coffee or something then ball is in their court and I let it dwindle. Unless of course I know this person has extenuating circumstances, which is often the case given the richness of life, away from the black and white world of Mumsnet.

I tend not to pause my plans for other though. Don’t hang around for people. It naturally leads to friendships phasing out though as once you do eventually meet up with these laggers you’ve had so much happen in life in between that then there’s no way you can get to anything meaningful over one coffee or dinner. The deep stuff comes from little and often friendships rather than meeting up once a year ‘we must get together!’ friends.

I have a very flaky friend I used to be quite close too. I realised I was the one doing ALL the running/chasing/logistics and basically let things fizzle out a bit. The next time I saw her, she said "We really need a catch-up!!" and I said "That'd be lovely - I'll wait to hear from you with dates", with a beatific smile. She looked slightly surprised - I think she got my very slight passive-aggressiveness but quelle surprise, I haven't heard from her since 😁 and that's fine! Everyone's not for everybody.

If they've a track record of being flaky, I ask them to text some dates and we'll arrange it from there. Never happens. Time passes until they say we should meet up then the cycle begins again. I really don't lose sleep and just meet with friends who are reliable.

Exactly this. This is my response to all. “Great, let me know when you are free” so the ball is on their court.

I don't, people have good intentions it doesn't work sometimes so I move on

Yes. If it’s one sided I think you have to give up. I have a friend who’s delighted to be asked, always turns up, says she’s enjoyed it, but never initiates anything. So I’ve given up. It’s so lazy!

Smile and nod.

I can see how it's annoying.

But to play devil's advocate - if you are the 'flakey' what else are you supposed to say?

If you bump into someone that you've been out with a few times but can't find the time to prioritise, and/or is a friend that you've grown apart from, how else do you handle it?

*flakey friend

“It was lovely to bump into you. Good luck with the thing you just mentioned. Take care!”

Nice to see you, good bye.

Nice to see you. Take care.

Pretend you are hard of hearing and say "Yes, let's meet Musk on the moon."

Fair enough.

you're all braver than me.

I could easily say that to a casual acquaintance, but I'd struggle to say it someone who was expecting more.

I have a friend who says 'you know where I am', expecting me to visit her. It gets a bit frustrating, always having to meet on her time/turf. Love her, but she's hard work sometimes.

This ^ is my go for response.
I do make exception in some cases if I feel that the person moves carefully rather then produces stock reply. Then I text some dates for the first meet up and go from there.