How often do you/did you visit or see your dc at uni?

[JennyTals]

Like how often did you go and visit them, or how often did they come home to visit, outside of holidays ?

And how did you find that changed over the years?
Like was it more frequent during the first year ?

First year, they both came home a lot. Every 3 weeks or so for maybe the first trimester. After that it was pretty much holidays only. If they hadn’t been having the time of their lives for whatever reason, I’m sure we’d have seen more of them.

We went see the eldest once and the youngest not at all.

We go there about twice a year, he comes home at some point in the Christmas break and the summer break.

DC1 is in third year, two hours away, he came back for holidays and reading weeks in first year, we visited once, then he found a p/t job in his uni city so came home summer and Christmas in his second year, plus another weekend to surprise us. Final year, he's been home for a big family birthday and might be back for a bit over Easter.

DC2 is in first year, one hour away, came home for Christmas and is popping home this week for a couple of days as it's reading week. We visited once to take them both out for dinner and a gig.
Miss them like mad but very happy they're settled and gaining independence, they know they can come home any time and they do, while building a life away too.

Dd is currently doing a masters at Nottingham, we live in Norfolk, 2.5 hours drive away. During her first and second year she came home every couple of months for a reading week or whatever and at Christmas / Easter etc any time university was closed. We went up on the train a couple of times for the day to see her. I don’t like doing the drive as it’s too long for me (obviously I did it to drop her off / move her stuff etc but find it very stressy). Third year and now she’s been home a few times but is now working as well as studying so it’s more difficult. She does come back whenever she can. (She’s just gone back after randomly coming home for a few days). We don’t generally plan to go and visit really. It’s easier for her to make the trip back here rather than the rest of us go there (her 13 year old brother has autism and I have health problems).

First year she was having a terrible time. She came home quite a lot but had a job here too.
we visited her a bit too to try and encourage her to love the city she was really lucky to live in.
second year she came back a lot less but still probably once every 5/6 weeks and then for a few random birthdays inbetween. We also went and stayed nearby a couple of times during holidays.
This year she’s having the time of her life, she came home at Christmas for 3 weeks but other than that not at all.
we are going down at Easter so she possibly won’t be back until the summer.

Is it roughly 3 lots of ten week stretches?

When do they usually break for the summer? They won't even be there for the best part, the summer

Never. He was the other side of the country. Kept in touch via WhatsApp and some phone calls. He came home in the holidays.
But how much contact does your DC want/need? That is what’s important.

Mine only really come home if there is something at home they want to go to
We go once a term and take them for lunch/dinner
They are both having a ball x

I’ve name changed as I’ll probably get flamed.

I see my 18yo first year dc every week. He’s only 1 hour away. He’s doing really well, likes the course, made a little group of friends. But he’s autistic so I go to make sure he’s ok, take him a meal, take his washing, generally have a chat with him to make sure that he has everything under control, in his calendar and knows what to do and where to go for the upcoming week. He asks me random things and he’s learning more and more about practical stuff. For him, this is the path to independence. For others, it isn’t. You have to do what’s right for your own child.

I was 500 miles away from home and flew up and back. My mother couldn't be bothered to take me to uni but luckily my aunt drove me. Mother never visited me once at uni or bothered to go to my graduation. She's a toxic old cow though.

I think distance is important though. I'd like to think I'd see DS a few times a year when he gets to uni?

Hiw does your dc find the move from Norfolk to Nottingham? Do you live near the beach ? Do they miss it?

I thought this question would vary alot.

DS started in COVID so didn't come home until Christmas, which looked doubtful for a while. Shot back to uni as soon as a second lock down looked likely. Generally only came for holidays, but often stayed over the summer due to having a job there. We didn't visit unless required for transporting all his gear.

DD usually comes home for holidays and will usually pop back for a weekend at least once a term. Again we generally only visit for moving purposes.

Must have been a weird uni experience during covid times

What do they do for accommodation if they want to stay for the summer ..?

Dd loves Nottingham and has become very judgey about where we live unfortunately (!) she basically thinks where we live is boring, no “life” and she enjoys the nightclubs and bustle of living in a big city. We live about 40 mins from the beach so the beach isn’t really a big thing for us but we are very rural - we are surrounded by fields and country walks. I moved here from south London when dd was a toddler to give her a better quality of life - and now she’s shunned it all for Nottingham 😂😂 you have to laugh really. Maybe when she gets older she might appreciate Norfolk more; who knows.

Why would you get flamed for that? That’s lovely. You’re giving your child what they need. ❤️

Shell be pining for the beach when she's older

Agree

My dc prefer to come home rather than us visit them there. I would say they come home for a weekend in between each holidays. They love their course/friends/house but say they miss their room/bed/pets/siblings/us

I'll admit I do treat them well when they are home, I take them up a cup of tea in bed in the mornings, I make sure the fridge/cupboards have their favourite foods and I cook their favourite meals.... just little things but they love it.

For my son, pretty much never. I didn't go to see him and he never came home outside of the holidays! The journey was a long way, too far to really do it as a day trip and I work half a day at the weekends. Also, he seemed very busy and unbothered about it.
I only went there to help him move in and out of rooms and new properties, and on his 21st birthday.
In the later years he didn't even come home much in the holidays.

DD went in 2019, 330 miles away. Four year course, year three abroad.

We took her there end Aug 2019 and visited Feb 2020. She returned home March 2020 and struggled with lack of social intervention during covid, so stayed here all of year 2 as well (as she had us, a 39 hours pw job and still managed to study). Year 3 she was abroad, returned at Christmas and we visited around Easter. Year 4, she returned for Xmas and the last four months she was totally focused on dissertation/final exams.

Contact was partly limited due to distance, but she loves meeting other people and values her friends so keeps in touch with them, so in reality if she'd been nearer we might have seen her a bit more, but not a lot. Mind you, we received constant photos and often a whatsapp video so it was like having her at home.

I visited my eldest once (in the four years she was there) and never visited my youngest 🤷‍♀️ They did come home though during the holidays...I lived overseas at the time, so 'coming home' was a 12 hour plane journey.

They survived 😉

DS is in his first year at a uni 400 miles away. First term we visited for a weekend and he came home once. This term he has a reading week so has been home 5 days. Then after Easter it’s just exams and revision- not sure how much he’ll be at home but as he’s trying to save up for a summer holiday, it might be a lot.

He was 1.5hr away, I would visit about once every 4-6 weeks, do a big shop with him and have lunch out together, he would come home every holidays and important dates in between so saw him on average about once a month.