This doesn’t concern me at all but I’ve been told I’m naive?

[2024YR4]

a few weeks ago a new child joined my dd class (and have other siblings in the school). The mum seemed nice , nothing stood out as ‘strange’ . To me she seemed like everyone else really? She mentioned in a conversation about her dd and also older dd having a few medical problems (it was relevant to the conversation- she didn’t bring it up and hasn’t talked about it overly at all)

Another mum in the class who I’m very good friends with has warned me that there’s an ‘issue’ with the new mum. She went to high school with her and apparently she got in huge trouble for faking serious illnesses and in the end had to move schools due to it. She’s saying that she finds it concerning that both dds have so many medical issues and how she wants to let the school know about what happened in the past?

I dont feel that’s the right thing to do ? To judge someone for something they did a very long time ago! I said to her that I really didn’t have any bad vibes off her at all and she hasn’t at any point gone on about medical
stuff so it’s best to not interfere ? Am I being naive ?

I’d probably stay out of it for now. It may be a little sus that both her christen have medical issues and she was known for faking them, but as you say it was all a very long time ago and it really isn’t any of your business.

id stay out of it all. If your friend wants to bring it up with school then that’s up to her but I’d leave it.

Are records passed from one school to another? It sounds as though her children would have had quite a bit of time off school, which would be on record. Poor kids if their mum is like that.

It’s really awkward , I don’t think she even recognises my friend as someone from high school but apparently everyone was aware of her due to what happened . I don’t really want to get involved at all but it’s been so awkward at park meet ups this week

If your friend wants to do something about it, it is her choice. Don't take sides or get involved.

Don’t get too involved with the other lady and her daughters' medical issues either.

Keep it simple,friendly, but superficial on both sides.

I have no idea ? I’ve seen her pretty much every day at drop off / pick up since she started so I assume attendance isn’t a problem

I think your friend is in the wrong. You can't judge an adult on some attention seeking bullshit she did as a teen, although I do understand why your friend is a bit cynical about this woman. It might be no harm to keep an eye on these kids in case it's a munchhausen by proxy type situation, but if she isn't going on about it for attention it's more likely to be true. Sounds like a bit of bad karma.

My ex H would take the piss out of me for trusting people. I chose to until I'm given reason not to. I would maintain whatever friendship you have or want with her and see how it goes. Definitely don't get involved with telling the school. That's bonkers. Only do whatever is necessary for the good of the children, not for the gossip lovers.

She’s only mentioned it once in detail when it was relevant to a conversation and a second time fleetingly it’s not like she’s bringing it up all the time thats why I didn’t feel worried.it didn’t ring any alarm bells at all. I have to see it from my friends perspective though as she has told me how awful the whole incident was at high school so I’m really confused and as I mentioned before it keeps creating an awkward atmosphere

I think actually it's a good thing for it to be raised in school. They will just keep an extra eye on absences and illnesses

You say nothing. Your friend is the one that knew about her last so she's the one that should inform the school. But do not share this information with anyone else because if it's inaccurate you'll find yourself open to libel

I have no idea if you’re naive or not, I find this interesting though as Münchausen syndrome can be pushed onto kids. Maybe that’s what your friends thinking.

It's all rumour at the moment. Maybe your friend is correct but even if she is it's wrong to judge her now and make assumptions.

Who knows if she was actually faking. Think how many stories we hear of schools/parents not taking diagnosis seriously particularly mental health/learning difficulties particularity women/girls.

Agree with pp. Keep an open mind, don't get involved in the spat.

This. Always wise anyway with a new acquaintance.

But....

As a mother with a DS who has multiple issues (Autism, anaphylactic allergies, Tourettes, asthma, epilepsy, cold urticaria etc) i well know that mothers can be easily dismissed as being over protective, helicoptering etc. I have seen on my Ds's records the words 'very involved mother' which basically means they think I'm making it up. Which angers me immensely. All of the above incidentally were finally properly diagnosed usually by me not letting things go, despite the dismissive responses I got from HCP- particularly in the case of his finally properly diagnosed cold urticaria.

So I would say that unless it directly affects you you simply do not make a judgement on it. And you don't listen to anyone who has an opinion but has no actual direct medical involvement.

I haven’t mentioned it to anyone else and I don’t intend to. I suppose my friend does have a bigger overall picture it just made me feel uneasy as I did some pretty stupid things as a teen I wouldn’t want them coming back to haunt me now ! Obviously not on that level (I had a stage of shoplifting make up and got caught) but I’d still be mortified if it came up and affected my life somehow now !

All you know is hearsay from another parent, so I would step well back from this one and keep out of it altogether. If the other parent decides to speak to the school, that's up to them.

If this child becomes good friends with your dc and you discover something that gives you concern in the future, only then would it be the time to mention it to school. In the meantime, leave well alone.

I think your friend might have a point. What if she does munchausens by proxy to her poor children.

I doubt your friend has the full picture. Teenagers don’t “get in huge trouble for faking serious illnesses” - professionals at schools don’t take the word of teenager who says they are seriously ill and go along treating them as such without their parents ever being involved in the equation; and they don’t reveal one pupil’s private information to all their classmates. As others have said, I’d approach her with the same normal level of caution you would any new acquaintance you’re getting to know, and get to know her gradually.

I had many a rumour go around about me at school, including one that I told everyone I had cancer, which people assumed because I lost weight and was getting time off for 'medical' appointments (it was a psychiatrist but didn't want everyone knowing), I was pregnant about 20 times, shagged probably every boy and teacher going......

Except it was all just the old gossip mill. Tell your friend to stop gossiping about things that may or may not have happened years ago.

All you have is some gossip. It’s not actionable in any way. If your friend thinks she needs to contact social services, then she should do so. She should not be talking to other parents unless she believes those parents actually have useful information to share with the authorities.

Even then if she is truly worried about the children, she should keep her statements limited. She could let you know she is reporting and if you have concerns you should also enter a report. She shouldn’t feed you her perspective.

I think your friend sounds like a nasty gossip. If she was genuinely concerned (which I doubt), she’d have raised it through the proper channels and not used it as an opportunity to spread rumours.

I don't think it's unreasonable that she lets the school know. They can sit on the information and if other things are coming up with the children then it might be a piece of the jigsaw that means the children get help (if needed).
But I wouldn't discuss it with her; it's between her and school.