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I just feel so torn

2 replies

Joulesdog · 19/02/2025 07:02

My gran had a stroke on Saturday and is now essentially in a coma, about to go into palliative care. Trying to get her back to the care home from an acute ward.

When my mum called me on Saturday I dropped everything and drove straight over. I live about 1.5 hours away from my family.

I came home last night to get some more clothes and sort the kids out. They're staying with DH as it's half term and easier.

My mum, my aunt & 2 cousins and I are doing shifts in sitting by my grans bed over night and during the day.

I just feel so over stretched. I'm still working this week as I'm nhs and a grandparent isn't high priority for compassionate leave, I've been staying at my mums who lives 45 mins away from the hospital, my family are all going home to their partners and their own beds where I'm not. I haven't seen my husband or kids since Saturday really.

I stayed at home last night and felt so much better but the guilt trip from my mum was unbelievable you need to be here, and know you've done everything you can for her so you don't feel bad when she dies etc

Not to mention my Gran is on a ward with norovirus and I'm on immunotherapy for cancer so I tried to say I really don't want to go and sit by her bed for 12 hours over night on a ward with a sickness bug that will take me out if I catch it.

I don't even know what im asking. Is it bad to just say to my family I won't be doing it? The fallout will be cataclysmic if I don't 'do my bit' but my life is 1.5 hours away, it'd be different if I could come home and have dinner with DH etc but I can't.

OP posts:
MonetWaterlilies · 19/02/2025 07:05

Your Mum you absolutely not be trying to make you feel guilty. This is not about her.

Don't give her opinion another thought.

You do what you can and what you feel is right.

(My Mum tries this kind of thing with me too so I understand how awful it can make you feel. But be strong!)

Thelasthurdle · 19/02/2025 08:46

Absolutely don't let your DM guilt trip you.

You can only do so much OP before you risk making yourself and ill and what good would that do ?

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