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Original poster

please help me with my teenager

13 replies

miserablyliving · 18/02/2025 12:29

Second day of half term and DD 14 is miserable and angry with me because I've said if her boyfriend comes round then we'll go out rather than them spending the afternoon in her room. I was already planning for us to go out, as she can struggle with sleep and I think she needs daylight and stimulation.

I've offered her/them a choice of activities locally (climbing, bowling, laser quest, walk and hot chocolate, stuff aimed at her age group at arts centre, visiting a city an hour away we've never gone to before etc) but she is refusing even to talk to me.

I'm struggling with my mental health and can't see what to do for the best. She has also been struggling with her mental health, self harm, not eating etc, which is also why I want to get her out of her room. Should I give up or push on with trying to get her out?

OP posts:
2dogsandabudgie · 18/02/2025 12:37

I don't think there's any point forcing her to do something she doesn't really want to, it will just make for a miserable afternoon.

Were you going out with them because at that age I wouldn't want a parent tagging along if I was out with friends locally.

scanni · 18/02/2025 12:41

I think it's quite normal for teens to just want to stay home sometimes and that's absolutely fine. It's a bit weird that you are offering to take them lots of places as if they are 4 year olds on a play date though. Surely if they want to do any of your suggestions they would do them alone?

Lifestooshort71 · 18/02/2025 12:44

Perhaps they could spend the afternoon in her room and then she could go out with you a different day?

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Original poster
miserablyliving · 18/02/2025 12:49

Thank you. I think from what you are all saying my depression and my anxiety about her are clouding my judgement and I'm worrying too much about her spending all day in her room.
She now feels very down and says doesn't want to see him any more.
I wouldn't be tagging along with them but they would need a lift to most of the places I suggested.

OP posts:
GoodVibesHere · 18/02/2025 12:53

Ah having teens is such hard work and stressful at times. Especially when your own mental health situation isn't great - I'm in that position myself, so really feel for you. It takes it's toll doesn't it?

To be honest your DD may just need to relax and rest up over half term. Maybe leave her to be with bf all day, and cook something nice to have together this evening. Would she watch some tv with you?

Original poster
miserablyliving · 18/02/2025 13:01

She's cancelled him now, and won't come out of her room or eat anything. Hopefully she'll calm down and we can somehow work out how to unfuck what's left of the day at that point.

OP posts:
screamtoabloodysigh · 18/02/2025 13:08

I think EVERYTHING made me miserable at that age. I was well known for cutting my nose off to spite my face too.

If i had I planned for an afternoon in with my boyfriend, it would have involved attaching our faces to one another, rather than going out!

I'm meant to taking dd out on Thursday but I'm fully prepared for her to blow me out if her mates find something better to do.

Original poster
miserablyliving · 18/02/2025 13:23

Haha my parents would never have let me spent an afternoon in my room with my boyfriend (cue spending my late teens shagging in the park) so perhaps I'm struggling with that a bit too.

Mostly I think my problem is that her room is where she self harms, over exercises, hides food I think she's eaten, hides alcohol and vapes etc, and, especially since I've become aware of all this and since she tried to kill herself last autumn, I am supervising more and wanting her out more. I think she's doing much better now, but I am afraid of what is happening when her bedroom door is closed. Realistically with the boyfriend it's almost certainly attaching their faces to one another so I should chill out.

OP posts:
spuddy4 · 18/02/2025 13:24

I get that you want to do something nice for her and get her outside but I couldn't think of anything worse at that age than a trip with my boyfriend and mother. I wouldn't take it personally, teenage girls are difficult (I say this from experience with my 19 year old dd) and hormones make them right miserable gits at times. Maybe let her do her own thing when she's with her boyfriend but suggest that just you two do something? Teenage years are tough OP and I'd rather do the newborn stage for 6 years solid and be sleep deprived!

StasisMom · 18/02/2025 13:28

I think it's understandable you feel this way, this sounds very hard to deal with.

Original poster
miserablyliving · 18/02/2025 16:07

She calmed down and I dropped her round at her boyfriend's. I have to work most of tomorrow but we're doing something together on Thursday. Thanks for the perspective here.

OP posts:
Bbq1 · 18/02/2025 16:19

miserablyliving · 18/02/2025 16:07

She calmed down and I dropped her round at her boyfriend's. I have to work most of tomorrow but we're doing something together on Thursday. Thanks for the perspective here.

I have no experience of this, Op but I feel for you. I think a lot of people giving replies trying to be helpful are missing the fact that what you're dealing with here isn't just typical "teenage stroppiness", it's so much more than that with mental health issues, the self harm, not eating etc. I am glad dd has calmed down and gone to see her bf and that you have plans for Thursday. I hope going forward, things work out for you and maybe you can access support for you both?

Original poster
miserablyliving · 18/02/2025 17:24

Thank you. Support is hard to come by but I'm trying to get some.

OP posts:
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