Are my 'manners' too strict?

[Stormyinacoffeemug]

I suppose I am getting older and therefore more intolerant of people's behaviours that don't align with my beliefs but these days I really see myself behaving differently to people around me. I was pondering if I was just brought up with a weird set of manners or if other people were taught this way too? Very happy to be told I am weird or too judgemental as surely there are loads of things I could be judged for too!!

For example:

1. travelling on the bus today, two men with a small child were loudly talking about how one of them had been recently sacked due to an ex-girlfriend making malicious phone calls to his boss. I was trying not to listen but it was spoken loudly and with great detail. I would have been horrified to be sacked and wouldn't have shared the details at high volume. Same people didn't park the pram properly and as the bus went around a corner, the pram (and child) fell sideways into the side of the bus.

2. new staff member, on her second day, using the spare desk in my office (central office for people in my team, not spare desk), answered her personal mobile to share a friend's good news. My team are not allowed to answer personal calls at work unless on a break. It wasn't the rule breaking that bothered me but for some reason the feeling that she felt it was ok to have a personal phonecall in my office - I think this was me being weird.

3. staff member who shares every detail about her eating, medical and toilet habits. Literally no personal information is off limits, she updates me, my colleagues, people we share the space with and our customers constantly throughout the day. Every single detail, even when she had an upset stomach last week, bottom end, after every trip to the toilet. Surely this is impolite?

4. staff member who is best friends with my supervisor - felt it was acceptable to tall me details about my supervisors sex life. Wrong in so many ways.

5. Friend who shares a hobby, discusses a mutual friends mental health even when she isn't there, to people we know or to strangers. Always proceeds the comments by saying 'I'm sure she wouldn't mind me telling you' - she would mind, a lot.

6. another bus example, a woman shares details in a phonecall about her recent appointment at doctors regarding gynaecological issues. Why!!

Ugh. No, those situations are the epitome of bad behaviours (some way worse than others, though.)
The new hire needs to be reminded swiftly about the rules on personal phone calls. And that it's not ok at all to use your office.
The oversharers are all beyond the pale, the awful one who tells you aalll about her life, medical history, toilet habits and so on needs a chat with HR.
The two idiots oversharing other people's business are gossips, and unpleasant ones at that. Tell them you don't want to discuss it, it's highly inappropriate and move away sharpish. .

They are oversharing but I am not sure what generation you are but that's what the younger generations do.

Not saying it isn't annoying but just the difference.

There's a positive side that on non gossip topics people realise they are not alone, something isn't acceptable as the norm and people have less outlets.

I watched a video before that said people had more friendships, hobbies, church etc decades ago but now people expect work to be everything (and talk loudly on buses!)

Yanbu except answering a phone call in a communal office. Is it a shared space?

I once worked somewhere that tried to tell me I had to switch my phone off during the day. I wasn't a teacher, just office work.

I, like many people, have a child in school. If he is injured or taken ill the school will ring me. My phone will be on vibrate and I will answer it. I'm not a teen, I am perfectly capable of ignoring my phone except when absolutely necessary. I found their attitude controlling and ridiculous. I didn't stay.

As long as any incoming call is handled quickly at low volume, I don't see a problem. My friends all work and wouldn't call during the day for a chat. It would only ever be something urgent.

You just have standards and thank goodness some still have them.

This is why I never confide anything personal to anyone. Too many people are gossips.

All of these examples are awful! I agree many people these days don't have the manners that I was brought up with.

I wouldn’t really consider people who overshare / aren’t very private to be people with “bad manners.” What is saying too much or talking too loudly seems subjective and or context dependable. But I think it’s reasonable to feel like you don’t relate to or like these qualities in someone else.

Maybe real 'manners' would be not judging people?

This, i try and have good manners myself but to me bad manners is also judging people and trying to control others so I have a line I won't cross for myself only

I wouldn't consider these a "manners" issue.

I wouldn't do any of them, but some people are happy to discuss things in public.

In most of these cases I would say either "Let them!" (Mel Robbins style) or do something about it. I wouldn't get upset about a quick phone call, just don't let people take the piss. The TMI staff member, I would tell them that you don't want to hear all the gory details of her illnesses. I would tell the friend to stop gossiping.

Obviously, try to be diplomatic. But saying something is better than stewing and ranting about it on a public forum later.

Some people have no shame.

I think if you're constantly finding that other people share more than you think they 'should' then that does mean you're out of step with general societal feeling on what is appropriate to talk about - which does change. That doesn't make either you or them wrong.

Those sort of people assume all of that is normal - which of course it isn't. I agree, the older I get the less tolerance I have for low standards of behaviour.

Sharing other people's business is just wrong, taking a quick personal call in the office is fine as long as it is short and using a low voice. Sharing your own gynae issues is fine so long as there isn't too much gory detail, I don't think these things should be taboo any more than sharing about a broken ankle or whatever.

I don't think it's really about manners, good or bad, but oversharing every little detail of personal stuff seems to be the way these days. If you don't want to hear it, tell them. Politely.

Do you own the business, the way you call it your office.?