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Original poster

What to do with moany 3 yo?

14 replies

CuddyCuddler · 17/02/2025 20:54

She's lovely, kind, gentle, etc, but just moans all the time! Everything is negative.
Let's put your shoes on to go out. "I don't waaaaaant to."
"I'm huuungry." Do you want a snack? "No. I don't want one."

Is this just a phase we weather? Or are there any ways we can point her towards happy and positive?

OP posts:
Sonolanona · 17/02/2025 23:37

  1. Distract
  2. If that fails, ignore Grin 3 year olds can be very frustrating. Plus it's February, the weather is rubbish (I don't care about the ' just put warm/wet gear on'...who wants to stand freezing at a park or go for a walk when it's grey, cold and miserable?!

Sometimes being relentlessly positive helps , or funny ' Well I'M going to put your shoes on (my feet) instead...race you!' Or a quick change of ideas, 'ok we need to go out, shall we take X toy with us' etc but sometimes they whine and you have to just crack on with it and hope they cheer up when they are 4 ... it's a funny age and stage!

( I had 4 kids and now 2 grandchildren that I look after including a 3 yr old and some days are more challenging than others Grin)

Original poster
CuddyCuddler · 18/02/2025 08:42

Thank you for your very helpful post. I think we do all that but maybe just not enough. It gets so wearing being positive and distracting when she moans literally every time she speaks. We will make a renewed effort.
It's a relief to know she might grow out of it though. I was picturing a moany 10 year old!

OP posts:
mbosnz · 18/02/2025 09:25

For me, it turned out that my negative, moany three year old was undiagnosed with coeliacs, so she had a permanent guts ache, the poor little bugger! This impacted everything she did, how she perceived it, and when we found out, that was a huge help.

Not saying this is the situation, but if there is any potential underlying cause, or hint of one, it could be worth investigating. (You can imagine the lifetime supply of maternal guilt, I've got over this. . .)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Behaviour & development Families
Spookywoodhollow · 18/02/2025 09:29

We used the over explaining method… “I don’t want tooo…” would be met with. “I know what you mean, it’s grey today! But I also know that it’s really important to leave the house everyday and get fresh air as it’s good for our bodies to move around. And it would really help me if….” Etc etc and basically talked him into submission. I think he relented to get me to shut up.

i also thoroughly believe that empathising while also doing what you need helps. So agreeing with them that they’re doing a fun game already and it IS annoying to leave it helps a lot.

if you haven’t read it already, the classic “how to talk so little kids will listen” is excellent..

selondon28 · 18/02/2025 09:36

What others have said is good, but I also had a firm line in saying that I find it really hard to understand them when they speak in a whiny voice, could they use a normal voice please. And repeat….

Original poster
CuddyCuddler · 18/02/2025 09:49

mbosnz · 18/02/2025 09:25

For me, it turned out that my negative, moany three year old was undiagnosed with coeliacs, so she had a permanent guts ache, the poor little bugger! This impacted everything she did, how she perceived it, and when we found out, that was a huge help.

Not saying this is the situation, but if there is any potential underlying cause, or hint of one, it could be worth investigating. (You can imagine the lifetime supply of maternal guilt, I've got over this. . .)

Thank you, but I don't think it's anything like that. She is really good at telling us when she has a sore tummy (with a bug etc) and I think she wouldn't miss a chance to moan about it if it was sore 😂

Don't feel guilty. You can only do the best you can with the info you have.

OP posts:
Original poster
CuddyCuddler · 18/02/2025 09:51

I have tried the overexplaining and the empathising, but not telling her I don't understand whiny voices. Hmm 🤔, anything is worth a try! Thank you.

OP posts:
Notgivenuphope · 18/02/2025 09:52

selondon28 · 18/02/2025 09:36

What others have said is good, but I also had a firm line in saying that I find it really hard to understand them when they speak in a whiny voice, could they use a normal voice please. And repeat….

This. Come down to her level, hold at arm’s length and give a firm STOP WHINING.

Original poster
CuddyCuddler · 18/02/2025 10:09

I have tried that too! 😅 A difficulty with that one is I've found it's really hard to explain what whiny is. She says 'whats whining' and all I can do is imitate the whiny voice to demonstrate but I don't think she understands what she's doing 'wrong' tbh.

OP posts:
BarnacleBeasley · 18/02/2025 10:15

Notgivenuphope · 18/02/2025 09:52

This. Come down to her level, hold at arm’s length and give a firm STOP WHINING.

Show quote history

Haha, if I do this I get really loud crying instead.

OP, my 3yo tends to be less whiny and negative if I tell him what we're doing next instead of asking. E.g. 'it's snack time now!' instead of 'do you want a snack?'. Or 'we're going to the corner shop and then to the park' instead of 'let's go out'. It doesn't always work, e.g. if both parents are home and one is not going out, he is savvy enough to know that there actually is a staying at home option. But if there's no option, e.g. it's just him and me and the dog needs to be walked, then he just gets on with it. It also helps if he knows the itinerary instead of it being a surprise transition. So we normally talk at bedtime about what we're planning to do the next day, and then again at breakfast time.

Jay3004 · 18/02/2025 10:42

No advice but just wanted to let you know you’re not the only one dealing with this at the moment 😂 I’m hoping it’s a phase!

showmethegin · 18/02/2025 10:58

DS will be three in June and I hate the whining so much. We found just saying "I can't understand what you're saying" everytime he whines helps. He seems to be learning that to get what he wants he has to ask properly!

I empathise, it's the pits and the only thing in parenting that makes me want to lose my temper.

Notgivenuphope · 18/02/2025 11:00

BarnacleBeasley · 18/02/2025 10:15

Haha, if I do this I get really loud crying instead.

OP, my 3yo tends to be less whiny and negative if I tell him what we're doing next instead of asking. E.g. 'it's snack time now!' instead of 'do you want a snack?'. Or 'we're going to the corner shop and then to the park' instead of 'let's go out'. It doesn't always work, e.g. if both parents are home and one is not going out, he is savvy enough to know that there actually is a staying at home option. But if there's no option, e.g. it's just him and me and the dog needs to be walked, then he just gets on with it. It also helps if he knows the itinerary instead of it being a surprise transition. So we normally talk at bedtime about what we're planning to do the next day, and then again at breakfast time.

Show quote history

Then you walk away and ignore the crying. Kids are smart. They soon learn that this behaviour gets mummy very cross and then she gets firm.

BarnacleBeasley · 18/02/2025 11:05

@Notgivenuphope true, but then no-one has a nice day/a good night's sleep/whatever. So there's a place for being firm, but in general I try to keep everyone well regulated so we don't need to get to that stage. I said no to a fourth story last night, because we always have three stories (DS made a last-minute attempt to claim that one time we had an extra one, therefore it was possible), and I did get some crying, ignored it, and we quickly moved on. But I think that mainly worked because of the regular insistence on a clear routine, announced in advance, rather than the getting cross.

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