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Am I doing the right thing?

6 replies

gingerbreadmumm · 17/02/2025 17:51

So today I got a call from my child's school, from the deputy head.

My ds (12) - never been in any trouble before - today had an altercation with one of friends. He'd pushed my son out of the lunch queue and when my son went back into the queue went on telling him he'd pushed in and pushing him out again. My son got upset and in the words of the head who saw the incident "was dis-regulated" and ended up biting the other child.

I'm absolutely mortified. He's literally, never even as a toddler bit someone or even got in any kind of trouble at school.

School have talked to the other child's parents and the child and obviously spoken to my ds and helped him to write an apology letter to the other child. They are also going to sit the two boys together tomorrow and senco/deputy head will talk to Ds too.

I've talked to him when he came home and he's so upset about it, regrets it, wished he'd never did it and even that he'd ran to the lunch queue in the first place. I've told him it's never ok to react like he did - regardless of anything the other child did. He says he doesn't know what happened, he'd got upset at the other boy and it's obviously escalated.

As a family we are going through a bit right now - again no excuse - I don't know what else I should be doing or how to handle the situation.

I obviously want to support him emotionally but also I know he needs to understand it's not right.

As I said, him and the other boy are friends and hang out/play together at school and online - they've had fallings out before. Should I tell him not to hang with this friend anymore? Or does that make it worse. Do I just leave it to school?

We both feel just awful

Thx in advance

OP posts:
stickmanohstickman · 17/02/2025 17:55

It sounds like both you and the school have dealt with it appropriately so I would just draw a line under it now. Biting is unusual at his age so I’m guessing whatever you’re going through at home is affecting him and has caused him to act out like this? (Obviously you don’t have to say here what that is!) Are the school aware of whatever the situation is so he can get some extra support there?

gingerbreadmumm · 17/02/2025 18:03

Thank you

His sibling is disabled and hasn't been in the best of health and demanding a lot of attention recently and is due quite a big operation in the next month.

I hadn't really mentioned to school - though did today when the deputy head called and he said he'd mention to the other deputy head. I probably should have told them sooner but like I say it's not really and excuse x

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 17/02/2025 18:05

Did the other boy get physical first? Like was he actually pushing him out of the queue? If so then he got what was coming to him in my opinion.

Organisedwannabe · 17/02/2025 18:08

Sounds like your son needs some additional support. I would ask for a meeting with the Senco and ask if there is anything he can access eg counseling, learning mentor, young carers group or school nurse.

gingerbreadmumm · 17/02/2025 18:15

Organisedwannabe · 17/02/2025 18:08

Sounds like your son needs some additional support. I would ask for a meeting with the Senco and ask if there is anything he can access eg counseling, learning mentor, young carers group or school nurse.

Yes I think you are right- he's always seemed ok but maybe I've missed that he's not

OP posts:
gingerbreadmumm · 17/02/2025 18:17

ThejoyofNC · 17/02/2025 18:05

Did the other boy get physical first? Like was he actually pushing him out of the queue? If so then he got what was coming to him in my opinion.

From what my ds said - the other boy was ahead of him in the queue and he was behind but the other boy still said he'd pushed in so pushed him out the queue. My ds went back in the queue (maybe in front of the other boy I'm not sure ) and then was pushed back out and it escalated...

OP posts:
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