I'm so done with parenting teenagers

[whatifear]

really really REALLY had enough. I have signed myself off work because I just feel so miserable. I have 2 that are 15 and 18. the oldest one in particular is so so critical of everything I do all the time. wants my help but I'm never doing it right. I know that this is normal teenage behaviour but I think it steps into not normal. I have realised that I mustn't argue/disagree so thought the best approach was to listen and be non comical in responding etc. but that's not good enough. they get so angry with me and today there was a massive outburst and lots of crying because 'they can't speak to me'. I am totally bamboozled. this is just not true, they have always been able to talk to me about anything and everything. I know way more details about their lives than I wish I did I feel gas lit. it is a total onslaught of sustained criticism. I just can't take it anymore. I don't want to see them or speak to them. I will be expected to apologise and I will get another 'lecture' about how I was wrong and how they wanted me to react/what I should have said. I want them just to f off and leave me alone. I don't even care that they were upset. they keep creating conflicts out of thin air and I just don't want to bloody engage, go away

I think I might go a step further and go on a week's holiday

she doesn't let me do this. I have been trying to be non-commital but it also upsets her. she wants my opinion. but my opinion has to align with hers

Not normal, OP. Sounds like they have joined forces to push you around. I would disengage. Don’t offer advice when you’re only ever told you're wrong. You’re all also still grieving. Won’t be popular with other posters but personally, I’d quit asking them to do chores. I suggest this because you can’t keep doing the same things and expecting a different response. It’s not working. They’re old enough to figure stuff out for themselves.

Give yourself a break and pull back and plan something you enjoy. Parenting teens can be hard but it shouldn’t be this hard and it should also be fun. I hope you get there.

I had a bit of a break done after my OP. did some reflecting and conceded that I am stressed so I haven't been the best parent, probably detached, irritable, sensitive, less supportive etc.

Have you got mental health support in place?

You could request an Early Help Assessment by your child's school / college or GP surgery.

So difficult. She's your daughter so telling her to fuck off and having nothing to do with her presumably isn't what you want. Even if it's what you'd do if it was anyone else.

Her behaviour sounds very bullying.

Really really firm boundaries may be your best way forward. Explaining to her that you don't think like her, and can't & wont communicate in this way that confuses you and causes you enormous stress. You could say you can talk to her in [x] blocks of time, and that she will have to accept your responses are your responses - it's fine if she doesn't like them, but you are entitled to them.

I like the idea of roping in an aunt or grandparent if possible to talk about her manner with her in a supportive way. Hopefully she can turn it around and give you some peace.