Job with long commute

[Gracebaker]

WWYD - commute for 2 years or move family?

For my current job (which I enjoy and can’t imagine doing anything else) I have to work in a different city 1.5hours drive away, likely for two years, (could possibly be three) after which I could work back in current city. Have two young children 1 and 4. Thinking about dropping hours to 2.5 days a week, driving up on the Wednesday late morning and staying two nights and driving back Friday, having the weekend with the kids, all day Monday with both kids and Tuesday with the youngest. Have supportive DH but he also works away the other half of the week in the same further away city, he’ll be there for another year and then he’ll be able to move back here.

So we would split the week childcare wise. (I would look after them mon-Tues and him weds- Thurs and I’d be back Friday around 6.30pm). Plus combo of nursery / school in the daytime.

Does this seem crazy? Already filled with dread at leaving them for two nights. We love where we live and want to live here long term, but the other option is to all move closer to the jobs in the further city, for 2-3years and then move back here. WWYD - commute or move for this length of time?

Do you need to be in the office physically or can you do a mix of what you are proposing/wfh

I'd give it a go and if it becomes unmanageable you have the option to then move?

If you love this career, will it still be there for you in 2 years if you only do 2.5 days a week ?

That’s too much of a compromise for me, I’d move.

Do you own or rent in your current city?

Is three years a certainty as to the maximum or is it dependent on say a new office opening, which might not happen?

I can’t WFH in unfortunately

No it’s very likely I’d be able to work back in my current city, just might be three years rather than two

If you rent I'd move to the other city. If you own it's trickier (due to the costs and hassle of buying and selling).

We are renting here, we have delayed buying as we knew we’d have this commute / relocation coming up. If we know we are staying we will likely buy

Yes I’m on a training scheme so it’ll definitely still be here

I commute what should be 1.5 hours but during rush hour can quickly turn into 2 hours and honestly, I’m shattered. It’s a 3-4 hour chunk of my day being stuck in slow moving traffic and driving in the dark.

2 years is longer than you think so I’d probably move closer if you can!

Thanks yes I thought this also, we could always move after a year or even a few months if it’s too much I guess

We rent here, the main thing is uprooting and moving only to move back again in a couple of years, also changing DS school (which he starts this year)

As you're renting now, that makes it easier to move - I would. Commuting takes such a toll on you physically and logistically.

Thanks yeah I don’t think I’d want to do the commute every day, I’d drive up on Wednesday and stay over, come back Friday, maybe take annual leave some weeks to come back on Thursday instead

So you are sure your employer would be happy with 2.5 days per week?

Yes, so it would be 3 days with 1/2 day admin time, it’s a training scheme so it would just extend my training but I could go full time again when back in my current city

With both of you working in the same far-away city it seems like nonsense to stay where you are. One of you driving that far every day must cost a fortune as well as being exhausting. I do a 1.5 hr (each way) drive commute about twice a week. It wipes me out if I do it two days running!

I'd seriously consider moving over there if you can find a house, school and nursery!! I appreciate that this is easier said than done.

You should move to the other city now .
You talk about uprooting the family to come back but the reality is with that schedule you will not be growing any meaningful roots where you are now as you’ll be in a rat race of an existence trying to maintain life and keep up with things .

I previously did that type of commute and my child was much older . It really does take its toll .

Your family life will be at a better pace if you are closer to work and it will be less stressful for you all .

Yes I agree it is madness for us both to be commuting so far to the same place! It’s also that after a year my DH will be able to work back here again, so if we moved then for the following year he would be commuting back this way 😂 there is an excellent school here for DS and we have a great childcare / nanny set up for our one year old and all of our friends and their LOs here so it feels really hard to leave! I think the effort of finding new schools / nanny is really putting me off although maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as I’m thinking.

After the year, would your DH be able to do all the child care cover (with nanny/nursery) and you increase your days (staying away Mon-Thu if needed) to get through your training quicker and move back earlier?

yes that’s a possibility/ he would be able to cover the childcare mostly and I could go to four days after a year. I’m coming off mat leave so I was thinking of just doing three days anyway so I’d have two full days off a week with my littlest one, but I am worried about how much I’d miss them the two nights I stayed away, but also it would have benefits for getting work etc done in the evenings and then being completely present when back with them

But sorry no just re read your message - the rotations happen at the same time every year despite how many days you work so I’d be back after two years anyway