You are a nice bunch, can you advise me on how to just be a friend..

[ThewrathofBethDutton]

I have a very old friend who is going through a very tough time of her own making.

This is where things catch up with you, and in this instance, they have caught up with awful consequences. Think life altering changes. (Not health related, more career related).

I am her go to person, she does have others. I am being supportive, positive and “just a friend “ so non judgmental.

I can see where it is going, I can see what will be thrown her way but she is in denial, almost delusional.
It is as clear as day to us all, she will eventually come to the conclusion herself. She needs to come to this herself.
So I just go along with her, just smile and say nothing. It’s so hard. If I/we her friends say anything to the contrary of her beliefs, it will result in disaster, I know it will.
She just needs us all to be a friend, that’s it.
Can’t speak to our mutual friends about it as it feels very disloyal & gossiping.
Any advice? I need a mantra to keep me on track to be a good listener but no opinions.

I often ask myself, if a friend is distressed, are they looking for support/sympathy or solutions, and proceed accordingly. So maybe just repeat “sympathy not solutions” as your mantra?!

If she is confiding in you because she is concerned about work, just ask 'How can I help and support you? What do you need?'

Then as far as you feel able, give her what she needs from you. But don't lie. If she asks your opinion, find the most tactful way to phrase it. E.g. if she's given up her job to become a singer/novelist but is tone deaf/can't write a coherent storyline, and asks what you think, find a reply that is true but doesn't knock her, like, 'I'm staggered and impressed that you pursue your dreams so actively and I'd be over the moon for you if it works out.'