Dreams. I have never dreamt about my children

[harijes]

I'm a dreamer, very vivid dreams, very real.

Will try and keep this short, but happy to expand.

Married 25 years, four children, all under 6. Just. Adopted twins, then two. (Clarification before anyone asks why so many)

Previous long, hard, court solicitor career.

I can wake and tell you vivid details from dreams, past cases, work trips, things going wrong.

Never, ever have my children featured.

We have had a difficult life, hard working, I'm now at home and work in the nursery. (Retrained). That never features either.

A friend we lost, he is there most nights. Deceased people. But never my DH much.

Is this unusual?

I have many ghosts in my past I would like to lay to rest. Lots of post natal anxiety, both via adoption and losses and biological children.

But why are they never there?

I do occasionally dream about DS2 - but never (that I remember) about DS1! And in my dreams, DS2 is usually a baby. (He's just about to turn 30!)

I’d imagine it’s because dreams can be very disturbing and the brain doesn’t let you have disturbing dreams about your own children as that wouldn’t be evolutionarily advantageous

I dreamt that me and DS were feeding penguins a roast dinner last night. Very random, but generally no, he doesn’t feature in my dreams.
When I dream about DH, it’s always him telling me he doesn’t love me or want to be with me. Which I think is anxiety about this happening. Real life DH is much nicer!
Totally agree that random people from my childhood, that I literally forgot existed and haven’t seen in 20 years, pop up in my dreams. And they are often set in my parents / grandparents houses but never my current house!
Dreams are so weird!!

Same. I’m a vivid dreamer and often aware I’m dreaming in dreams. Very rarely a vague notion of one will pop up but because I don’t feel in control, I get anxious I’ll see some horror befall them, so I’ll wake myself up!

My dd is 19yo and I don't think I've ever dreamed about her, in some dreams I'm looking for her but she isn't actually there.

It is weird given how much I think about her!

I don't dream very much, but also hard ever dream about my DC. Maybe a few times.

Before I had DC there were a few very vivid dreams in which I had DC. My DC dream about me.

I dream very vividly every night. It's terrifying how real they are and I sometimes know that I'm dreaming and can "control" them or wake myself up when it's a nightmare.

I have only ever dreamed of my children once that I can remember and it was a horrible nightmare that one of them was dead. I woke up panicking and dripping in sweat and it took me a good week to get over the feelings.

My usual dreams are of my childhood home and surrounding area and my very first workplace from 20 odd years ago.

I often tell DH that I think I'll have dementia when I'm older as my memory when I'm awake is shocking, however my dreams remember people and places from almost 30 years ago. I also tell him if I ever go missing with my dementia then he should check either my old home or workplace as I guarantee that's where I'd end up.

Thinking more about it, I don't dream about my family very much at all, or even my friends. I dream about things I'm worried about that are coming in the future, like I might dream a weird version of a meeting that I'm stressed about. Or I dream about the past, or alternative versions of reality. I'm always my own actual age, and I usually have DC but they're "off screen". I regularly dream about an ex that I haven't seen for 15 years, but we are both the ages that we are IRL now, and usually I'm in love with him, in the dream.

I think dreams probably work by representation. But our kids don't represent anything, they're just them. So real and substantial, not at all abstract. If anything, things in dreams probably represent them, but they don't represent anything other than themselves.

I do dream about my kids, not all that often but they are there sometimes, as well as other random shit!

Gosh I didn't even realise until now. I have 2, eldest is nearly 3 and I don't dream about them. I have regular dreams about DH, my family, occasionally old school friends I'm not in touch with, occasionally old colleagues.
How strange! Maybe my brain recognises I get enough of the children during the day and gives me a break at night 😂

I think I've only dreamed about either of mine once. S1 was very small and I dreamed he'd got into the ornamental pond and drowned.

(no, we don't have an ornamental pond)

I think it was quite clearly an anxiety dream. Mine quite often are. It's normally fairly easy to work out what my dreams are really about, tbh.

He's 25 now, btw.

It's interesting I don't know if I've dreamt about my DC either come to think of it. I'm going to ask around tomorrow and see what the consensus is.