Worried about ASD husband ?

[Bubbblezbath]

this is in no way to offend anyone on the spectrum I am just asking for advice I’m sorry if it comes out wrong?

DH is on the spectrum. Doesn’t give much physical affection, isn’t great socially. I’m used to it but with the kids I do the nursery runs as when the staff engage in small talk he’d can’t do that so just seems rude and I’d rather not have the staff think he is haha

another thing when the kids like trip up or cry he says “what’s wrong?” Our kids are 3.5 and 1.5. Not really at the stage where they’d be able to explain? I had to say to him ages ago “pick them up give them a cuddle” when our youngest was little. He didn’t think to do that?

Even when they were newborn and would cry he’d just say they’re crying what do you want me to do. And I’d say can you go up please and cuddle them? Then he would

Another thing just like I seen a dad get his school age daughter a rose and card for Valentine’s Day and I thought that’s sweet. My dad did that with me and my sisters something little!

I said to him would you do that he goes no why would I?

Hes not good on occasions really and can come across not thoughtful.

I just worry will the kids see him as distant and not a nice dad? I struggle I really do. I give so much love and affection and I’m neurotypical so I can’t see how DH struggles but yes the kids won’t be affected will they?

I make it up enough for the both of us I like to think

He sounds like he takes instruction on these things but isn't really able to think on those terms in many situations. The stuff with the baby. He really does need to be able to care for them alone and sooth crying, that's a key part of parenthood.
Something like a checklist of things. First try cuddle, if that doesn't work then bouncing, then going for a walk etc. it's almost like he needs suggestions and guidance but would adhere to it well enough?
Does he visit any professionals to help with his condition? Therapist, or does he take medication? I hope you can find a way to help him help himself.

Doesn’t take medication or see anyone. It is tough I never leave the kids alone with him that sounds bad doesn’t it? But yes constantly needs telling what to do

and I just feel the emotional aspect isn’t there? Which I’m not berating him for. I know it’s tough for him but it’s tough for me and I worry about our kids not getting for a while why their dad is how he is

ill try to explain of course but at a young age they won’t get it

I would go to councelling together. Find some one with an expert knowledge about ASD, couples and parenting.
You will both struggle big time if you don't start working on how different you navigate life.

I once saw a programme about training all dads how to interact with babies, eye contact etc.

I think there were about 12 dads on it and 2 were ASD. After the training they interacted better than the NT dads.

Just a thought.