It's the mental load and everything again

[TheOnlyLunchPacker]

I told DH that the school meal patterns are changing for the upcoming half term, so DS will take packed lunches on Mondays and Wednesdays instead of Tuesdays and Thursdays... just so he'd be aware, since he gets DS to school 2 days a week so I can go into the office.

His response was, "I don't need to know which days. I just send it whichever days you've prepared it and left the lunch box by the fridge."

Which is true. But grrr. I'm tired of it being that way for everything.

And I know it's not a case of LTB, because if I did, then I couldn't even go to the office those two days and keep my job.

And I know that trying to get DH to help more (or DS to take responsibility for it himself) doesn't work, as DS has ASD (and I suspect DH does as well).

I'm just tired.

Lots of sympathy OP, similar situation in our house with ASD DD and I'm exhausted being the person who has to think of everything. I also have to do pretty much all the food as DH "doesn't do it right". I wish I could suggest solutions but unfortunately I haven't found any so far.

No advice cos I'm in a similar boat - see my post.
Sending love xxxx

Would leaving the lunchbox out but no lunch in it work as a reminder for your DH to make it? I do that for our 11yo.

Sounds like he doesn’t give a flying fuck, because you will sort it out.

I don't honestly see why this is an issue - it never took me more than ten minutes to prepare my daughter's packed lunch - usually less. At least when you do it, you know what she's been given and that it's been done. It's certainly not something I would bother to raise.

I lost it the other week over similar reasons in the family. Just so effing fed up of having the mental load fall on me every single day. I said something has to change. You have my sympathies.

What works best for us is we have distinct areas of responsibilities and we own that fully no matter what.

Eg he does all the milk ordering, DS hair cuts, DS medical, aaaalllll the sports clubs admin / kit / tournaments / diary mgmt. etc

Are there any areas you can hand to him completely???

I've realised what is most frustrating is that I expect him to take the mental load. I still feel like that but I decided to just own it. I do the mental load. But that means I'm manager and he has no say in anything. He doesn't get any say in what we eat, what is bought, what we do at the weekend, where we go on holiday etc if he doesn't bother to organise it.

He needs to be involved and be a bit more aware what’s going on at least just in case. The first time I was very unwell and DH needed to do it he was very frustrated (DD likes her lunch bag to be 100% in a certain way 🙂).

Our kids are still little but we alternate to share things out. We take turns doing bedtimes and whoever does the bedtime, the other person does the lunchboxes.

It's not perfect and DH definitely adds more chips and biscuits than I do (but I don't complain as we just have different takes on it) but it stops this resentment.

I would make DH lunchbox with 3 childrens, different sizes/coloured lids,
all they had to do was retrieve them from the fridge.
I drove them to school a distance away about 5 mins from DH place of work -
he left the house at 7.30 cycling in all weathers
He could have left later, taken his children to school in the car,
saved me an hour cutting into my wfh time, it isn’t as though he did anything
else as a functioning father

I was making chicken with tarragon for dinner it being Friday. I had aglass
box of 5 large chicken breasts in the fridge
or thought I had
no! it was DH packed lunch
he wanted me to drive up with it to work I said no ! and bin the chicken now
he said: I’m hungry
I employed the Gallic shrug

otherwise
how would a grown man removing a glass Pyrex lidded dish heavy with
5 large chicken breasts glooping about rather than a firmly packed tupperware
box containing his yummy lunch
ever learn

who was it said there is no such thing as an accident

To be fair, there are a couple areas he owns completely. DS haircuts is one. He also stepped up and owned getting DS glasses recently. I agree, it helps to have distinct responsibilities. I just wish he was willing to take on a few more.

This is what we do too. Makes life so much easier, and I don’t feel resentful towards DH.

In our case, he does car, tax/finances, insurance, health, home repairs etc. I do meals, laundry/clothes, kids school, holidays (which is nothing at the moment!). School run is split, him mornings, me afternoons. It seems to me to be fairly equal.