Is it ok to 'just' give money for adult DC's birthday?

[WobblyWinter]

My DC is quite particular about what he wants and, on request, supplies me with a birthday list 2 or 3 weeks before the big event.

He lives about 4 hours from us and lives independently, earning not much more than minimum wages and is in his early 20's.

We will see him around 3 weeks after his birthday and will go out for a meal then with other family members.

This year I want to transfer money into his account instead. I met up with a friend and she was horrified by this. She tried to be diplomatic, but basically was saying it was a lazy option. Is it? I thought it streamlined and practical.

What do you do?

Sounds good to me, then he can spend as he pleases.

I don’t for either birthday or Christmas but neither of ours need money anyway . If they can’t come up with ideas or I don’t know what to get I buy tickets for something usually .

Mine get a bank transfer if they don't know what they want.

I’m in my 50’s, my brother late 40’s. Our mum gives us cash for birthdays & Christmas. Has done for as long as I can remember- I don’t remember her ever buying a gift.

Without sounding ungrateful (as I do appreciate it), I would much prefer a small gift that she had put some thought into.

I give mine both. They are 21 and 26 and have more disposable income than I do! But I give £100 in the currency of their next holiday - both gave winter birthdays and both always take winter holidays, so this year Thai for don in a card and Mexican for daughter in a card. I also get them a few thoughtful gifts totalling another £100. Make up, holiday goods (personalised towels and personalised leather passport covers/luggage labels), items for their hobbies, favourite sweets/chocs in a hamper, mini speaker, tickets for a show/event/meal......
I still love to watch them open their presents. Neither lives far so I drop them on the day with a cake and flowers and we also go out for a meal as soon as they're free, along with my parents.
I think their dad does a bank transfer though.
My mum still does the same for my sister and I and we are now mid fifties! My sis does the same too for her two adult kids. Money, flowers, cake, meal and a bag of thoughtful gifts. We are very lucky.

It's fine.

You can still get a small present to give him, so it's not just money. I often get my DD gift vouchers for shops she uses as well as presents, so she gets to chose things like clothes she might want.

My DF always gave me hard cash and I loved it! I tend to buy my DS something of his choosing and DSD usually has something to open and then money. I then take them out for dinner of their choosing as well. As my DSD is travelling I've just put money in her account.

It's whatever works for you both.

We usually now get money gifted to us from parents / parents in law which we find useful to put towards holdiay / meal or something else we would like (and choose ourselves that is our taste!). Then a couple of books or consumables to unwrap as well. This works well for us as saves on getting unwanted bits that just get taken to charity, or if we asked for something - say pyjamas - then not receiving ones in your style/size etc.

I think it's a bit mean and shows little effort if he gives you a list you can use. If he didn't know or would prefer money it's fine. I just feel otherwise it shows a lack of effort. Really though it's about how he feels about it. Have you asked him if he'd prefer cash?

My parents do this for me, I'm very happy with it!

It's fine. My 2 know the budget for birthdays and Christmas, they decide what they want me to buy them out of that. If there's any budget left over I give them the money, or all money if they don't know what they want or it's a contribution towards a more expensive item.

I am late 50s, have had cash from DPs since I was adult. Usually get a small present too....box of chocs, cookbook, plant unless I request something specific. Cash amount is adjusted if bigger present requested.
Family not generally big on presents though, thoughtfulness and love shown in other ways.

I do both.
A gift or two to open and a bank transfer.
Also like a pp I always give some money for holidays so they can have a meal on me.

This probably makes me sound really ungrateful. But I would prefer money for all presents from everyone. I don’t particularly like ornaments / homeware type gifts as I tend to have different tastes from people I know, and then I feel like I have to have something I don’t like on display. My house isn’t very big either so I don’t want more things to clutter it up. Make up and bath or shower stuff, I have brands that I love, same with clothes and jewellery. I really really do appreciate having money to buy the things I love though! Or gift cards. Sometimes I put the money towards a holiday or meals out.

"streamlined and practical" isn't my main aim when planning birthday presents. Making them feel cared for, a bit of luxury, a bit of fun if possible?

Depending on their friendship group and whether they're in a relationship, birthdays can be pretty quiet for young adults, perhaps especially the males. Something to open, as long is it's not way off, is usually pretty welcome.

Do you normally post a parcel, or get it delivered direct to him?