Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Should I offer her money

22 replies

Clearinguptheclutter · 15/02/2025 13:51

First world problem

Ds (y7) has a new friend who I have met when he came over for tea once, hence I was in contact with the mum re pick up but I have never met her.

she has kindly offered to pick up ds tomorrow and take them both out- for lunch and bowling. The friend doesn’t have siblings if that is relevant.

So far so good (not massively happy that he is going out with an adult I don’t know but I’m getting over myself on that one).

Anyway should I offer her £20 (or another amount) when she picks up DS. Not really sure what’s right in this situation. I should add that I can afford it no trouble and am really happy that DS is leaving the house as he is usually just in his room gaming all half term

OP posts:
Ang3leyes · 15/02/2025 13:51

Give her money to cover the cost of your son’s lunch and his bowling. If £20 covers it that’s fine

whatonearthishappenin · 15/02/2025 13:52

Just give your son £20.00 to take with him? He’s Year 7 surely he is able to offer to pay himself?!

FionnulaTheCooler · 15/02/2025 13:53

I'd send the money with DS and instruct him to offer it to her as a contribution. She probably won't accept, I wouldn't take money from my child's friend if I'd offered to take them out, but it's still a nice gesture.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education Secondary education
PullTheBricksDown · 15/02/2025 13:53

Yes, just give it to her. Or you could message and ask how much so you can transfer it.

Waisted · 15/02/2025 13:54

If she couldn’t afford to take and pay for both she presumably wouldn’t have invited him.

I think reciprocating and taking both kids out somewhere would be a nicer idea.

Original poster
Clearinguptheclutter · 15/02/2025 13:55

whatonearthishappenin · 15/02/2025 13:52

Just give your son £20.00 to take with him? He’s Year 7 surely he is able to offer to pay himself?!

He’s a very young y7 and I think is not very comfortable about paying for anything directly other than the school bus and school lunch. Yes we need to work on that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clearinguptheclutter · 15/02/2025 13:55

Waisted · 15/02/2025 13:54

If she couldn’t afford to take and pay for both she presumably wouldn’t have invited him.

I think reciprocating and taking both kids out somewhere would be a nicer idea.

This was my initial thought

OP posts:
DecafDodger · 15/02/2025 13:55

If i would offer to take another child out, I would also expect to pay. However, families are different, so I would give the money to DS with instructions that he should at least offer to pay for himself. If the mum declines then of course next time when you take the friend out, you should be expected to pay.

purplecorkheart · 15/02/2025 13:55

I assume you have her number. Could you look up and see if she has a revoult account and transfer £20 that way.

Bloom15 · 15/02/2025 13:58

I'm taking out DS and a school friend next Friday. I text his mum asking if it was ok if I took them (well permission to take her DS out and on bus) and she agreed. She said she would send money for place we're going. I replied it was my treat so no need and this was accepted.

This has happened a lot - days out or whatever just get reciprocated.

telephonelady · 15/02/2025 14:06

I would message her and say thanks for taking him and
"please let me know if you'd prefer cash or a transfer to pay for lunch and bowling"

Hopefully she then reply with either "no it's fine it's my treat" or tell you how she'd like the money. She probably won't want you to pay, but you should definitely offer.

welshpolarbear · 15/02/2025 14:07

For my DS and friends (13) they usually just take money with them, but say for instance tonight they're going to the cinema with my dh, because
We've had to pre-book tickets so we've paid for those tickets, and the kids will just pay for their own meals and snacks .

boobybum · 15/02/2025 14:31

I would always offer some money. Its never taken and we usually end up reciprocating at some point but as I don’t know someone’s financial situation I think it’s polite to offer.

SecretToryVoter · 15/02/2025 15:29

purplecorkheart · 15/02/2025 13:55

I assume you have her number. Could you look up and see if she has a revoult account and transfer £20 that way.

No way, don’t do that. I would be really creeped out if someone did that to me

Just text and ask how much you owe her

BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2025 15:33

I'd say it wouldn't do any harm. But usually I guess a lot of people would just do something in kind. So next time you'd take both kids to something and pay, and also do school pick up. If you feel you won't easily be able to reciprocate the gesture then giving money would be a good plan.
The mum can always refuse, but she certainly wouldn't be insulted.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/02/2025 15:36

Send him with the money, in y7 he needs to be much more independent and this is a good way to encourage it

Normallynumb · 15/02/2025 15:37

I would( and did) just hand over £20 when she comes to collect him, and assume she will take it unless she says it's her treat
If it's her treat, I will then say I'll return the favour when she confirms a date for next time
I'd also send DS with sweets( small pack like the 3 for £1 ones) for them both.

NorthernGirlie · 15/02/2025 15:43

I'd message and say 'ds is looking forward to it. I've put £20 in his bag for lunch and bowling"

EyesFlowers · 15/02/2025 15:44

I would probably ask - would you like any money towards DS or shall I reciprocate when I can?

Original poster
Clearinguptheclutter · 16/02/2025 13:33

Thanks for all opinions. All fine in the end I offered £20 and she refused and I said I’d take her son out in return some day

now I’ve met her it all seems a lot easier but these things seem awkward when you’ve never met a person (to me anyway!)

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 16/02/2025 13:35

Offering to have this friend later on this week and paying for similar might be less awkward than offering money and appreciated

Normallynumb · 16/02/2025 16:22

Aww I'm glad you've met her now
Much easier to chat face to face
I hope your DS enjoyed his outing

New posts on this thread. Refresh page