Is this anxiety? Intrusive thoughts? Help me name this emotion

[babystep]

I often experience this - focus of it will vary but it's stomach churning, adrenaline going, feeling of overwhelm and brain cycling round the same negative thoughts. Sometimes I can sort of name it, identify the trigger and try to talk myself down from it/try to let it go.

So for example I might try to think to myself. I'm feeling anxious, that's ok. It's about the holiday we've booked and whether it will turn out to be a waste of money or whether we spent too much. It was a big amount of money, and we will enjoy it even if things go wrong because we have enjoyed all other similar holidays even though none were perfect.

But sometimes, as today, it's not so much anxiety as regret or intrusive thoughts about things which I feel I should have done better. Today it's work related (something I did in the week which is yet to be presented to peers, and am now fixated on what I could have done differently, how I 'failed' and how peers will judge me about it.)> It's not quite anxiety. I was anxious before the thing, but coped OK. Now it's persistently in my mind, and even if I focus on something else it's making me feel on edge even as I just cook lunch and not actively thinking about the thing. Like the physical feelings remain even if mentally I'm not conscious of it

Can you help me name this and think about how to accept it/let it go?

Are you perimenopause age by any chance?

I have this. HRT doesn't help sadly. I have made some progress with counselling. It's basically rumination and over thinking.

This morning it was happening to me, I was lying in bed with tears streaming down my cheeks. But I recognised what was happening and instead of getting up, doing a workout and a million house chores to isolate myself, I went and had a hug with my husband. It put me in a much better frame of mind.

I've learnt that my tendency when ruminating is to isolate when it's better to reach out (sorry, wanky phrase)

I have also started recognising when it's happening and trying to change my thought process. So rather than worrying (and the more you do it, the bigger the groove you create in your neural pathways to find the same thought groove every time) I try to think about something else.

It's easier said than done though.

I’ve found that anxiety makes it worse.

I also recognise all the feelings you have like being on edge.

For me it makes me feel sick and slightly nervous a lot of the time, though it helps massively with keeping my weight down as I'm too worried/on edge to eat sometimes!

I do recommend psychotherapy or counselling though.

I’d name it rumination or overthinking or intrusive thoughts or that pure o ocd - something like this.

I get this too. I recommend something someone told me earlier this week: double breathing. So you take a breath in and then another breath in (as it were) then breathe out slowly. It’s apparently supposed to do something to your parasympathetic nervous system. It’s been helping me all week to curb panic attacks/anxiety.

That worlds for me and so does a body scan to help me get back into my body, eg this one: m.youtube.com/watch?v=u4gZgnCy5ew&pp=QAFIAQ%3D%3D

Nervousness?

Yes- well, 41 so at the early end but noticing things like weight gain and small cycle changes so definitely in that zone. Feel too early for any kind of hrt though, maybe I'm being naive to that.

@DustyLee123 Sorry above post was me from my phone which is a different account - but can confirm I am indeed at potential early peri phase.

@Ilovelowry @MagicalMystical yes rumination is exactly what it is. Can relate with the feeling sick as well, and also I find myself much more easily overstimulated than I ever was in the past. Eg at lunch just twopeople talking at once or one child talking loudly makes me feel like crying or shouting.

Thank you for helping me with the word. Not sure why but just having a name for it helps, probably now I feel I can start to work out strategies, and it sounds like the same things I've used or anxiety or stress will help - all just about calming down those physical things.

I will try the double breathing, I have a technique from hypnobirthing that I still use - basically making your out breath longer than your in breath which does something I've now forgotten to your nervous system and definitely calms me down.

FFS

Is this a new experience or just a heightened awareness of something you felt before?

If it's a new thing it could be the dreaded peri

People going ffs about peri.

It is a thing and it makes you feel like you're hopeless but really you're not. You are not going mad and this WILL pass.

@ohyesido I think it's a heightened version of things i've felt before, but it does feel heightened enough or different enough for me to think hormones playing a part even indirectly eg I sometimes now get bad anxiety after I drink even moderately and I think that can be another thing which happens in peri?

Also could be just that I have 3 kids (4-12) and they are getting less physically demanding but noisier and still emotionally demanding, no naps to have time alone and the older ones stay up a bit later so less time in evenings for whatever I need to do. So maybe it's just this phase of parenting.

Sadly as we get older, alcohol is less of a positive thing. I have a few glasses in full knowledge that later that day I'm going to cry and have an existential dread.

If you feel like you're in danger, talk to someone. But the negative thoughts and despair are not real, they are a symptom of something that you can address and overcome

Thank you for your kindness, I don't feel in danger - the main concern I have is that since this feels slightly heightened to my 'normal' incidences of anxiety or stress, my usual coping tools don't help as much and I'm more tempted to use food or wine. IE I will need to do some work this weekend (mainly reading and making notes for a thing this week) It will it remind me of the thing that is causing me to ruminate, so I'll feel anxious and jittery doing it. My usual tactic if I'm needing to focus on work when anxious is to listen to certain music or motivate myself with breaks. But now that isn't working as much, I'm tempted to think 'if I have a glass of wine/eat these chocolates it will make me feel less anxious while I do this reading.'

Looking for help in finding new tools I guess, to avoid ending up drinking or stuffing face everytime I have to do something which makes me feel bad

(and to add, I think by identifying this as ruminating I can see online some ideas of ways to deal with it which are a bit different to how I usually address negative thoughts, so that might help)