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Original poster

Finding Motherhood Lonely...

12 replies

ladybird30 · 13/02/2025 14:51

Am I the only one?

I'm finding it incredibly lonely. I'm a SAHM to my almost 2 yo and lately I've just felt off. Very low, ruminating thoughts, negativity, feeling very sensitive, a lot of tears.

I've found since becoming a Mum I've lost 90% of my friendship circle and I'm struggling to make new friends. Me and my LO go to 2 groups a week but it's only ever surface level, polite chat with the other Mum's.

I've found my closest 2 friends who are both Mum's don't really keep in touch much, and understandbly. We're all tired, a bit depressed and over stretched but sometimes I just really need them and to meet for a coffee and a chat but often it takes months to organise with the back and forth.

I don't know. I'm not even sure what I'm really getting at. I think I just feel a bit like I'm on my own with it all...

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 13/02/2025 15:55

This is the point that I went back to work. I needed adult company

CultureAlienationBoredomandDespair · 13/02/2025 16:01

ladybird30 · 13/02/2025 14:51

Am I the only one?

I'm finding it incredibly lonely. I'm a SAHM to my almost 2 yo and lately I've just felt off. Very low, ruminating thoughts, negativity, feeling very sensitive, a lot of tears.

I've found since becoming a Mum I've lost 90% of my friendship circle and I'm struggling to make new friends. Me and my LO go to 2 groups a week but it's only ever surface level, polite chat with the other Mum's.

I've found my closest 2 friends who are both Mum's don't really keep in touch much, and understandbly. We're all tired, a bit depressed and over stretched but sometimes I just really need them and to meet for a coffee and a chat but often it takes months to organise with the back and forth.

I don't know. I'm not even sure what I'm really getting at. I think I just feel a bit like I'm on my own with it all...

Yes I feel exactly the same. I moved just before I got pregnant with DS1 and everyone said that I’d make lots of friends at groups. I didn’t and feel completely alone most days.

Original poster
ladybird30 · 13/02/2025 16:04

@DustyLee123 Unfortunately not an option for me/us for another year or so yet as it wouldn't work financially, I also work self employed which can be lonely in itself but yes, I've considered perhaps finding a "regular" job when LO starts nursery

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Original poster
ladybird30 · 13/02/2025 16:07

@CultureAlienationBoredomandDespair It's tough isn't it... I've gotten to the point where I kind of feel a bit numb with it all and I worry I'll never feel normal again. It's definitely not something anyone really prepares you for with having children, but I'm sending hugs to you x

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 13/02/2025 16:21

You aren't alone. I was very lonely and glad to go back to work. I was ok during fine weather, ds & I went hiking, but winter was miserable.

All my friends & family worked full time, I needed adult conversation, and ds was an easy baby who slept a lot. I'm really not a mum&baby group person 😊

Original poster
ladybird30 · 13/02/2025 17:29

@Meadowfinch Yes, I find better weather definitely improves how I'm feeling too and being able to get out to parks and beaches and going out for walks.
I'm also not really a Mum & baby group person 😅 but my little boy enjoys the sessions and I figured I could only try. We do messy play and a music class so I guess not the easiest to make conversation but I can't do the sitting with a cuppa and watch the kids play groups

OP posts:
Abitofhassle · 13/02/2025 18:20

It’s such a massive change to your life and can be very lonely, I felt lost for a long time. I remember going to Mother and Toddler groups where everyone seemed to be in established groups or just not interested in chatting. I tried loads and some were just awful but I eventually found a couple that were more welcoming.
Have you tried doing something for yourself one evening a week? A local netball team (even just for the training sessions) or women’s cricket team?
The local library was a godsend with their activities.
it does get easier, you and your child will make friends. It’s just learning to live a bit differently than before

DustyLee123 · 14/02/2025 07:38

Perhaps if your little one went to nursery for a couple of hours, you’d chat to other parents at drop off/pick up, and then you could do something for yourself in that time. Find yourself.
I don’t think anything can prepare you for the change you feel within yourself when you have your first child. You will never feel the same as you did before again, yet life goes on pretty much as normal for the dad.

Original poster
ladybird30 · 14/02/2025 16:22

@Abitofhassle Yes, I find that with the groups we do. There's the groups of Mum's who've clearly known each other a while and the rest of the Mum's stay to themselves. I'd love to start going back to the gym as I really enjoyed thay before but my partners self employed and his days and hours are all over the shop so that can be tricky but I've definitely got a small list of things I'd love to start doing again

OP posts:
Original poster
ladybird30 · 14/02/2025 16:28

@DustyLee123 Definitely feel like I'm figuring out the new me still and there's perhaps a small of me resent my OH a little because, like you say, not a lot changes for them

OP posts:
CultureAlienationBoredomandDespair · 14/02/2025 16:32

ladybird30 · 14/02/2025 16:28

@DustyLee123 Definitely feel like I'm figuring out the new me still and there's perhaps a small of me resent my OH a little because, like you say, not a lot changes for them

I think that’s true but I also think men miss doing things more than connecting with other people. DH would miss it if he couldn’t game or go to the gym but he just doesn’t talk to his male friends in the same way I do with my female ones. Some of his text conversations are 90% memes and football talk 😂.

tennissquare · 14/02/2025 16:42

ladybird30 · 14/02/2025 16:22

@Abitofhassle Yes, I find that with the groups we do. There's the groups of Mum's who've clearly known each other a while and the rest of the Mum's stay to themselves. I'd love to start going back to the gym as I really enjoyed thay before but my partners self employed and his days and hours are all over the shop so that can be tricky but I've definitely got a small list of things I'd love to start doing again

Find a gym with a crèche and put your ds in the childcare at the gym, it will help get him ready for nursery. Start looking for jobs where you would be out of the house with other people when your ds is at nursery. Lots of mums go back to work for the company as well as financial reasons.

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