Feel absolutely sh*te at work

[Windmillllsss]

For some backstory, I started a new role July 2023, went off on maternity in November 2024. It was a completely new field of work. I did think I was a bit out of my depth when I started it but thought I’ll pick up when I’m back more and learn/get some qualifications.

I returned part time early November 2024 and I just still feel so clueless and stupid.

It’s this morning. My manager is amazing and is trying to help me build my confidence and skills and present more etc. I was speaking on a call this morning I had a document up and people had to chime in etc, my job was to edit it and I just felt so nervous I nearly vomitied.
I spelt something wrong once and was corrected, I didn’t know some of the stuff and it just generally felt awkward.

my manager said (in a seperate call afterward) no don’t worry it went well and those calls are always chaos and lots of people saying different things. But I panic that she doesn’t mean it and thinks I’m awful

I feel so down and my confidence is through the floor I’ve been crying since my last call

I just noticed your post and wanted you to know that it has been seen and appreciated. I think that you are in a new field of work, have a new baby and are only part time.

You are obviously very talented or they wouldn’t have hired you but you’re probably tired, keen to make a good impression and a bit hard on yourself. New skills and new environments are tough.

Try and think of all the good things you have done and learned there. Make a list of three things you want to improve (we all need help to do that), and make some notes to help you. Talk to your boss about those three things, ask them what they could add to your ideas list.

I’m sure they’ll say that you are doing well and have nothing to worry about but you are worrying, so a chat through your proactive ideas will be really useful to help your confidence. Those out of control, everyone shouting meetings are terrible, no one comes out remembering what happened, so your notes are brilliant helps. Often, we don’t see our own spelling, especially in such a pressured environment, so I’m sure they’ll just have wanted to help.

You’re obviously very conscientious and you should be proud of that. Don’t just hear the negative, focus on the positive, make a note of it. As your boss said, it went well. So that’s great feedback. Hopefully you’ll feel more settled soon and you’ll slowly feel more confident and comfortable.

I felt like a complete fraud when I started teaching about a hundred years ago, but it comes with time. Be kind to yourself and remember that you got the job, so you belong there. Good luck x

Your manager clearly sees a lot of potential in you and is really supportive by the sounds of it, so trust her and try have more faith in yourself. Learning takes time, and you have even less time to put into that if you're part time so give yourself some credit for what you can do when you're there. Things can only get better x

The next time will be easier, your confidence will grow.

You are capable, you did it!

Turn this round in your head - it was new, challenging and it went fine.

Are you hyper-critical about yourself ??

You've only been back at work for 6 months and assuming you went back when your LO was 1ish then you also still probably have sleepless nights to cope with and all the other fun that comes with babies. You are probably running on a lot less sleep than when you started so it will take time to get the hang of things again. I went back to work in 2022 and it took me a good few months to get back into the swing of using my brain for something other than measuring out milk and what to food to cook for my little boy. I am a PA so all I had to do was manage diaries and emails etc but some days I couldn't even type properly. Your boss sounds really supportive (I was lucky with one of those too) so cut yourself some slack and understand that you will get back to being great at work again, it just takes time after being off for so long.