So fed up with fighting and just want son to be happy

[elliejjtiny]

I've typed several long posts about this and then mumsnet shut down and I lost it so will keep this brief and apologise for any drip feeding.

Ds is in year 6, diagnosed with autism and emotional development delay (about 7 years behind) but no learning disabilities.

He is ok while he is there but says he hates school and has no friends, the only thing he seems to like is elsa and maths.

He has got an ehcp but the LA fought us all the way and said he didn't need it.

We finally got the ehcp with all the things he needed. We visited the secondary school and he loved it, went round hugging all the teachers and introduced them all to his toy dog, it was really positive and I thought finally he will be happy at school.

Then the LA put him on band 4 funding which is about £4k and not anywhere near enough to fund his ehcp. The secondary school said they can't meet needs unless he is on band 5 minimum but the LA named them anyway. We and the school have gone back and forth to the LA but the LA won't budge and the LA are saying his needs might be lower by then anyway.

Primary school are giving him a lot of support that isn't funded and will be harder to give him when he is in secondary school.

On band 4 the secondary school can't even keep him safe, never mind actually teach him.

I am so fed up with all of this.

I also have an 11 year old who is about to have major surgery and a 14 year old who is a mess of raging hormones. I really don't need this from the LA as well.

I have no advice about the schooling situation but just wanted to say your doing amazing OP and you've done all you can do. Keep fighting.

Outside of school if he loves maths is there a maths club in the school holidays he could go to and perhaps he could meet new friends there?

If he loves Elsa is that the queen from Disney? If so what about joining stage school or a. Dance class. He will likely find boys and girls who also like Elsa there.

Also have a look on Facebook for groups in your area for children who have autism and perhaps there may be some parents you could get in touch with and set up some play dates

Thank you. Elsa is an intervention at school, nothing to do with the Disney film (although he does like the Disney film too). The e stands for emotional but I can't remember what the other letters mean. It involves him going out to the nurture room with one of the TA's and 3 other children and they do Lego, painting, messy play etc.

He goes to an autism support group once a month and a SEN group once a month on a Saturday and weekly in school holidays. We've tried mainstream playschemes and dance classes but he struggles with it and the other children made fun of him because I had to stay with him. I tried pretending I was there as a helper but they all knew I was there because ds can't manage to go on his own.

When I drop him off at school it's obvious he is different from the others as he will stand by me, saying hello to all the other children but being ignored. The other children all stand in small groups huddled around someone's phone. Apart from one boy who usually finds a stick and runs around playing with it but he ignores ds too. It was easier last year as my 11 year old would play with him on the playground, sit next to him at lunch etc but he is at secondary school now.

Oh I see. Sorry my suggestions are absolutely off the mark.

The three other children who go to the nurture room are they a similar age? Could you make contact with their parents? Are they able to play together at playtime in the school? I know some schools have separate areas for playtime for different ages or classes so not sure what the set up is in your school.

Focus on the provision detailed, specified and quantified in F of the EHCP rather than the funding. If all the provision DS reasonably requires is detailed, specified and quantified in F, it must be provided and can be enforced. The LA is ultimately responsible for ensuring it is provided under section 42 of the Children and Families Act 2014. That includes ensuring there is sufficient funding.

If all the provision required isn’t detailed, specified and quantified in F, you need to appeal because even if there was a huge amount of funding, if the provision isn’t detailed, specified and quantified in F it may not be provided and isn’t enforceable.

What support for the social difficulties is in the EHCP?

Has DS had a social care assessment? That could look at a PA to help DS access the community without you.

Thank you. The other 3 children who do elsa with him are in his class. I know all the parents. One is the boy with the stick who I mentioned earlier. One is a girl who has opposite needs to ds so he is sensory seeking and she is sensory avoiding. They manage to really enjoy each other just by being themselves. The other child I know his mum really well so we sometimes meet up at the park etc but he is much more able than ds and tends to ignore him because d's is "weird", although they don't dislike each other.

His section F is really good, I checked it all for loopholes and there are none, it's just the provision doesn't match the funding. I can't remember if the top of my head everything that's in it but there is a 1 to 1 TA most of the time, elsa, salt, ot, time in the sensory room and peer mentoring. He will also be allowed to go to the learning support department during break and lunch.

If the provision is detailed, specified and quantified in F, that is the main thing. It can be enforced then. Whatever the funding arrangements the LA remains responsible.

He hasn't had a social work assessment but he had a referral to early help and the family intervention service who said there was nothing they could do as we were already doing everything we could for him. They made me feel judged and incapable for even asking about him having a PA to be honest and kept saying about how the children who have that have much more severe needs than ds so I decided it wasn't worth fighting for that.

Personally, I would request a social care assessment. Other children’s needs aren’t relevant to whether DS requires support. Early Help and FIS fobbed you off.