Are you still heavily influenced by what your parents will think?

[Oldromance]

I've always been close with my Dad. He's been a huge support through some difficult times, basically raised me to be a good "man", taught me there was nothing I couldn't do and was hugely supportive of my education and career.

He's also probably quite difficult to please and I know some if my life and career decisions have been based on what might most win his approval.

He's very concerned about financial matters and financial security. I think I'm on the verge i making a huge decision that will make me happier but a lot poorer. I'll be OK, but a different decision would make me much better off. I know he won't approve and that's the only thing that's holding me back...

I'm in my 50s and he's 80+ fgs...

Yes, I’ve been in a relationship for over a year.

They’ve assumed I’ll be single forever post-divorce.

Not really. I mean I wouldn’t go out of my way to upset them or anything: but we are very different people and have different lives. At the age of 40 I have a young child, a husband and a career. At the age of 40 my parents had 4 kids and 5 grandchildren. My mum was a SAHM. They can’t quite see life from my perspective and I can’t always see it from theirs

No I have to live MY life. Some of the things my mum said age expected then changed her mind anyway were daft. I was told never to say I was pregnant and not married or she’d break my back. She. My brother got his girlfriend pregnant after 2 months it was all wonderful . Then it was ‘are you get going to have kids..’ we can’t have children.

She told me she was ‘pure’ until her wedding night and wanted me to be the same, that ship had sailed, many times by that point.

Times and attitudes change.

No, but that's because they are both dead.

Normal ups and downs of family life with them, no toxicity, but hand on heart life is a lot easier without the obligation and responsibility of dealing with parents and their expectations.

Yes and no. I felt the weight of my dad's judgement and the benefit of my mums encouragement my entire life. After both passed in 2022, I feel more able to please myself without having to justify it to my father. I'm 52 fgs. It's the only positive to them not being here anymore.

A few months ago we got home after a very long annd exhausting journey and the following morning we stayed in bed until 11am.
I could feel my mother glaring down from the Next World - or wherever she is - in disapproval.

Well mine are dead now but I always just did what I wanted. No dancing to a tune but I never needed anything from them financially and moved away when young.

Very indeoendant mind from very young with solid opinions of my own.

No, not remotely. I’m not convinced I ever have been really, particularly as an adult. I went NC with my dad when I was in my early teens as he’s a fucking prick and my mum, for all that I love her, is not exactly known to make good life choices and so I never really worried too much about what she thought of my own life choices. I’m 30 now, and she’s 60, and I expect it’ll always be the same way!

If you are in your 50s I was really advised you to think very very clearly about becoming much poorer.

Apologies for typos!

No. In fact everything that comes out of their ill-informed mouths drives me in the opposite direction.

And your parents don't know? It's quite nice having a secret relationship!!

In answer to the op yes unfortunately I am, deffo not by my father though he would only want me to be happy,

Sounds understandable op.

Your parents child dynamic sets the scene.

I'm not in that position but my parents gave me crap advice, are really quite clueless on lots of things (not everything) and I stopped wanting their opinion a long long time ago.

I would have loved the guidance you've had... But wouldn't love the scrutiny... Pros and cons eh!?

Just do what will make you happy, if not now when!? You don't always get a second chance.

Get someone else to break the news for you and then give him time to digest it before you have to talk to him... Then you don't have to see his initial reaction. 🤣

No.

Have you had lots of financial support from your parents in your life?

This.

Also, how I feel about my parents is that I listen, and do what I want. Sometimes they are very right (hated exH).