New routine, new school, parenting fails

[RedPlums]

Eldest (DC10) has just started year 7 (we live overseas). It has been cock up after cock up on my part and I feel like a complete failure. His little brother DC8 is at primary. So far I have forgotten the swim kit, forgot to pick DC10 up from training one evening then this morning there was a catastrophe over school shoes being in someone else'se training bag which we had arranged to be picked up after school so DC10 could bike home. So he was in tears and late for school on one of his first days there.

Please - reassurance? Is this just an unfamiliar timetable thing? I feel massively overhwlemed with the start of a new term and getting used to all the routines etc. I work full time (from home) so does DH. We split most of the duties and the "organising" is mostly me.

Forgetting the swim kit is on him, I know most 10 yr olds forget their heads but they have to learn the hard way. The shoes / training bag thing also on him or the other kid so again, not you. Forgetting to collect from training was all on you I'm afraid but that's 1 cock up and you are allowed.

I find return to school stressful always. My DS has Adhd and poor organisation skills but he became an expert because he had to work so hard on it and I became good too, it never came naturally. What helped us was writing out a list together of what's needed on different days so for example if swimming was on Monday I would put the Monday list on his backpack Sunday evening and he would pack one thing at a time. We divided storage into smaller compartments and I labelled them from the outside, he does 2 sports so sport 1 items in 1 drawer, sport 2 next, swimming next etc.

School subjects were colour coded so if for example, Maths was green, anything related including books and calculator, ruler etc had a green sticker. The list of subjects and colours were on his wall.

Re collections etc DH and I had a wall calendar which I liked but DH often 'forgot' to check so now we have a family app with reminders. Everything is in it.

How could you forget to pick your dc up?

get a visual family planner so you can see what’s happening and when

The shift to secondary is a big one for everyone and having two kids with different systems ditto.

But it's not going to get better so you need to make sure you've got things sorted. Checklists, phone reminders, and stick to pretty tight schedules that aren't reliant on someone else. Relying on someone else to remember a kit bag at the start of term feels like inviting disaster.

For our kids, who have a lot of outside activities, everything is in the shared calendar. Everything. Along with which adult is responsible for it. And anything the adults have on goes in the calendar and whoever gets first dibs on a spare slot gets priority.

Muddling through is possible in primary school but unless you've got a naturally organised kid, secondary is a different level. Multiple permutations of uniform and sports gear, instruments, whatever else and then you'll have homework, revision, exams, sports matches, play rehearsals etc. Sort yourselves a system that works now and it really will make a difference.

@Runningoutofthyme i guess because i am a shit mum?

@Dontlletmedownbruce @JassyRadlett thanks - we do have a basic kitchen calendar but yes DH does not always check or mostly forgets to write stuff down. We are not very techy and kids don't have phones. When you say shared calendar is that a wall planner?

We have a large blackboard painted on a kitchen wall which is our shared planner.

I had a wall calender - everything went on there.
Check for letters/emails daily and put straight onto the calender and deal with it there and then (payment, permission form etc).
Prep everything the night before - pack bags, do lunch, check calendar for unusual events.
Have a simple timetable in each child's room so that they can learn to pack their own bags etc

We have a shared Google calendar between DH and me, it's on both our phones. DS1 has a phone now but doesn't use the calendar - it's for us to know which kid is where, what they need, and what parent is sorting it.

So take today. DS1 had basketball before school but PE later, so needed to take his mouthguard and shinpads. DS2 at after school club then football training, I picked up him and his teammate, dropped them at training and then came home in time to take DS1 to his cello lesson, DH had to be home in time for DS2's friend's mum to drop him home.

We've got it all in the calendar.