Fussy eater/sensory eating

[Laymon28]

In search of some advice, currently waiting for the health visitor to speak to someone about my sons picky eating. But it's been going on so long and is getting worse each day looking for some advice while I wait.

He turned 3 the beginning of Jan and has been a 'beige child' since 18 months, before that he was happy to eat most things. For the past couple of months he has pretty much stopped eating any meals. He does have some snacks just so I can get some food in him. At nursery however he won't eat the snacks as they aren't things he likes and he still refuses dinner.

Things he will always eat;
Cheese
Crackers
Beef hula hoops
Marmite rice cakes
Yoghurt
Fruit pouches

He will ask for beige food for dinner then push it away and say he doesn't like it. I've been giving him a yoghurt and a fruit pouch anyway again so he eats something.
Looking for advice on if this is the right thing to do? And also any food suggestions, HV says he is seeking crunchy sensory from his foods.

Thanks

Hi the term used is usually “ safe beige carbohydrates” plus some yogurt etc
Is it brand specific? If so any slight change in packaging, items near to sell by date, anything that smells a bit different may easily be rejected.

We were fortunate to work with the Birmingham Food Refusal Service several years ago with our daughter.
One thing that was explained was the need for sameness/ lack of surprise. A McVities chocolate digestive for e.g. will always look and taste the same. A strawberry or an apple will look and taste differently every time.

It is important to keep up with foods that are accepted. It’s not a good idea to try to hide foods or trick a child with these needs.
An accepted food or drink can soon be removed e.g. my MIL put a non preferred brand into a branded packet. Not only did DD notice but dropped the food from her diet.

Look for books or articles by Dr Gillian Harris or Dr Elizabeth Shea both experts in restricted diets. Look at ARFID and support groups.
Send preferred foods to Nursery. He may need to eat away from others due to sight sounds and smells of food.
Look at the factsheets on the Infant and Toddler Forum. Lots of tips.
Good luck try not to stress he will pick up on it. Ignore “ well meaning” family and friends who won’t understand.
Handling or playing with foods is good e.g. in trays at Nursery even if he doesn’t put them near his mouth.
If there are other sensory needs look for an OT assessment for SPD.

This sounds really stupid but have you tried putting foods in little boxes/bowls or a lunchbox with compartments? My DS is similar, and this has definitely helped us. Now he eats a good variety of foods, which we put together to make a balanced meal, even though he won't eat a typical meal like lasagne etc

Hi thanks for your reply. So I've not particularly noticed it being brand specific. Though I am now wondering if this is why he's stopping eating the beige foods as I've been buying the cheaper version! I'm going shopping tomorrow so will buy the stuff he used to eat and see. I've never tried different brands of crackers. But yoghurt he doesn't notice, he won't however eat if from a bowl and he won't spoon feed himself. Is this common? His nursery are trying to encourage me to get him to do it himself. And he can, but he won't. When he does he tends to suck it off the spoon or rub it on his mouth.

I am struggling with giving him what I thought is something he liked and would be the same but he's still not eating it. Currently experimenting with how cooked things are and he did actually eat a sausage last night that was well done.

He does play with food, well he did! But he seems to be getting worse with it. He won't have any food near him that he doesn't like. Which makes it hard if he's changed his mind on a food and a meltdown will happen if I can't work out what 'that food' is he is asking for.

Thank you for all your other advice, I will have a look into the articles etc.

Yes he has plates that are separate and a lunchbox that is separated. I've tired putting stuff in his lunchbox for him at home and he still won't eat it. The other day I did it and he had a meltdown as I left 1 compartment empty. But nothing I filled it with was right. He would genuinely rather not eat than have anything near him he doesn't like!

You might need a meeting with Nursery about feeding, chosen foods and consistency. I appreciate that they will be working on independence skills but he’s likely to be even more stressed about eating there. Some consistent strategies may need to be agreed.
He probably lacks motivation to eat. I would also look at Interoception which means not really knowing if he’s hungry/full hot/ cold etc

Don’t worry about the word autism in the title of this info video. It’s Kelly Mahler if you are worried about the link and would rather Google.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A0zbCiakjaA

There's a good book called 'Getting the little blighters to eat' that i found worked on calming me down about DD's eating, or her control over it all. That is the first step, being understandably concerned but not letting them know you are!

If you can not show that you're concerned then it takes the pressure off them to eat something they're unsure of. Nobody will eat something that looks a bit 'scary/weird' just because they're being pressured to. It makes it worse.

There's also a good book by Rowell and McGlothlin called 'Helping your child with extreme picky eating' that might help.

We asked the GP for a referral to an eating clinic at the nearest children's hospital (not our local hospital) and met with a multidisciplinary team whilst a play nurse occupied DD out of earshot. It really helped, they've seen it all before!

The dropping of previously 'safe' foods is called food jagging. Personally I think keeping everything the same like brand, shape, size etc feeds into this and makes it worse, so a tiny change is more noticeable and a food is then dropped. So I present safe foods in a different shape, size etc at each meal.

See its also strange as they tell me he does use his spoon at nursery! And he's even eaten hummus, more than once. So I'm finding it difficult to know if I should be encouraging those behaviour at home.

The video is interesting though as he is being looked into for autism and some things do make sense. He does eat very slowly and he will not sit still. And he won't eat if I don't feed him so makes sense he lacks motivation.

I think I may need to speak to the GP, the health visitor is referring me to someone. But she said it could take a while and all that time he's getting worse! The other day he ate a slice of cheese for dinner and that was it!

I'm going to look at the books but I'm sure I'm not helping him. I'm so stressed about it and finding it very hard to manage the meltdowns or understand what he needs.

So what would you do if they completely drop their safe foods? I can't try anything new and now he won't eat what he previously liked. Do I just continue offering? Or accept that he is only going to eat cheese and yoghurt for dinner?

I'm going to look at the books but I'm sure I'm not helping him. I'm so stressed about it and finding it very hard to manage the meltdowns or understand what he needs.

It's SO hard when they get to meltdown point, hard to cope with for you and hard to see them so stressed. About food, which should be nice! Please don't blame yoirself, we're hardwired to want to feed our children and to have them thrive and be happy. It's natural to really worry if they won't eat!! If he's being investigated for autism then this is probably linked. DD was eventually diagnosed as well. Definitely me calming down, all lot, made a difference.

So what would you do if they completely drop their safe foods? I can't try anything new and now he won't eat what he previously liked. Do I just continue offering? Or accept that he is only going to eat cheese and yoghurt for dinner?

I promise you, he will not be harmed by eating only cheese and yoghurt for dinner. Always have his 'safe' foods on the table/plate for him. Then you can have other foods on separate plates for him to try if he wants to. Or not. Don't comment on any of it, don't even praise him for eating something as that increases the pressure.

Agreed on the pressure - I used to (and sometimes still do) put something in front of him and then walk off like I wasn't bothered. I'd pop in frequently of course so he wasn't actually unattended, but on the pretence of something else, and wouldn't look at what he was doing or say anything. This would be while he was eating in his high chair while watching tv - not ideal I know but it did definitely help

Also try and give him a multivitamin if you can!

I put a multivitamin in his water every day, which he will drink so that's something!

I do try to do not pressure, I'm going to try to be better with it though. As I have been so stressed about it and have wanted to make sure he eats something. But having your opinions on this has massively helped me feel less stressed.

However some times if I ignore he's fine and will get down and play or sit and watch tv while he waits for his sister to finish so he can have a yoghurt. Other times he screams and throws things. It got so bad last night when I asked him to feed himself his yogurt he had a meltdown, refused to eat the yoghurt. Then when we went to have a bath I had to cancel that plan as he was having such a meltdown he couldn't calm himself and was pushing his sister over and nearly shut her hands in the door.
Health visitors have always said ignore the behaviour and don't give in. But I feel like I have to give in and feed him/give him what he wants to avoid this behaviour.

I'm afraid I can't help specifically. Would he eat peanut butter scraped into the centre of celery? Or hummus in celery? Just thinking that its crunchy, but might not be the texture he wants.

Does he like nutella? I always love this recipe, because it has black beans in it, so full of fibre and if introduced very gradually, can replace the real stuff.

BBTELLA-
Ingredients (use organic where possible)
Makes 550g
100g hazelnut butter
1 400g tin of black beans, drained and rinsed
4 tablespoons of cocoa powder
2 tablespoons of butter or coconut oil
4 tablespoons of raw honey
2 teaspoons of vanilla extract
A small pinch of sea salt
Method
Add all the ingredients to a food processor or high-powered blender and pulse to the desired consistency.
Transfer the spread to a sterilised jar and store in the fridge for up to three weeks.

Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately he won't eat any of that, he won't even try it. He used to eat peanut butter on toast but won't go near that now. And anything green is an absolute no no! Even when I made a rainbow cake he wouldn't eat it because of the colour.

He also won't eat any kind of chocolate spread. HV suggested this to try get him eating bagels. And he won't entertain it even though he loves chocolate!

That’s great re vitamins. We used to use Abidec drops.
Some behaviours can be ignored and “ planned ignoring” is a valuable strategy. If he is hurting himself or his sister maybe it needs unpicking. I know there are unsafe behaviours you can’t ignore.

You really want to be Mum I know but unpicking some behaviours might help moving forwards. I used to say to parents to work on the issue causing most difficulty rather than tackling everything.
Behaviour is usually communicating something and STAR analysis can be helpful to unpick.

This is a link to some examples. I’m not from Bradford but was a special needs Advisory Teacher in a Local Authority ( as well as Mum to a child on the spectrum with extreme food refusal) This e.g. is from an Early Years perspective and also mentions food. You can google other STAR info.

bso.bradford.gov.uk/userfiles/file/Andrew/SCIL%20Early%20Years/03_%20T%20STAR%20Analysis%20Template%20for%20Children%20in%20Early%20Years%20-%20Example.pdf

Thank you for all your advice, it's been very helpful. Going to try putting everything in practice now and see how we get on.