Feeling guilty over changing plans

[SpookyAllSeasons]

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and my DP and I were supposed to go to another city this weekend for our friend's birthday.
This was booked and planned before I was pregnant.

We have a hotel booked and the plan was for us all to go out for a meal, then head back to the hotel for an hour, get ready and go drinking.

I told my DP last night that I didn't mind going for the meal, but going out afterwards for the drinking part, until the early hours, is not something I can do. I had planned to just drink water, but naively hadn't prepared for how tired I would be. I am also very nauseous. DP understands and said we let them know we can't make it because it's a 4 hour drive from us and just going for the meal is not worth it.

Our friend is understandably upset but understanding. I feel very guilty, like I am ruining DP fun and upsetting our friend. I can tell that DP would like to go but thinks he'd be selfish for leaving me behind.

I don't know what I am asking really!

I think cancelling because you don't think just going for dinner isn't worth it is poor form. Not carrying for drinks is fine but don't pull out of the entire evening.

I did tell DP that I was happy to go for the meal, but he feels the 4 hour drive isn't worth it just for a meal.

I think he needs to get over that. Otherwise he's the one making you let people down. It's going to look to your friends like you're the one wimping out on the whole thing when you'reactuallyhappy to still go to the main bit.

Surely he can still go out with them drinking if he wants to.

I would still go and then go back to hotel after meal and he can carry on.

Why can’t you still go, if you want to head back to the room and chill after the meal you do that and your DH can go out?

Your DP is being unreasonable. Just go for the meal and have a nice night in a hotel.

Yeah it's poor you could have done the meal and your dh go out after. I'd be miffed if you were my friends

That’s awful! The message he is communicating is YOUR FRIEND isn’t worth it. I’d be mortified…

Canceling outright is really selfish. Your DP needs to man up a bit. There are other parts to this meet up than just the drinking.

I think it’s a bit unfair to pull out to be fair. You could have went for the meal and then seen how you felt.

Is the friend more your friend than partner's friend? If not then could you not have both gone out to dinner, then you stay in the hotel for the night while your partner goes out for drinks?

You really should still go. You might also feel differently when you're there and actually be up for one or two (non alcoholic) pints.

I'd also be mindful that you're in the last year of being able to socialise freely where you'll both be able to go and see friends for the weekend etc. It will get much harder when you have children.

Also, if your partner wants to go why doesn't he go out drinking after? You can stay in the hotel.

I spoke to DP again about the meal and he agreed we could go for that. He doesn't want to go out drinking afterwards without me, particularly because the meal is very early in the day. It means me being in the hotel alone for the majority of the day / evening. Our friend appreciates us still coming for the meal. 🙂

I have a 17 year old DS from a previous relationship, so I know how it goes when socialising after children. I very much appreciate the times we have now. Socialising by being around drunk people isn't my idea of fun right now though, particularly in the first trimester trenches.