What age did you son go a bit further to hang out with mates?

[callingtown]

I need some help because I don't want to be a controlling mum as my son actually really likes me 😆 at the minute and we have a great relationship. He's 13 and is normally happy enough playing games in his room / watching tv etc. he has lots of friends in school and in his local football club so he's not a recluse or anything. Today he's asked me if he can go and play football with some friends from school tomorrow at a park about 20mims walk away. I don't know the boys other than they go to his school. I'm very anxious about this. My cousin was killed years ago when I was 12 and it's always stuck with me. I understand he needs to grow up and I can't keep him forever.

Tell me your thoughts and stories if I'm being ridiculous. He's a sensible boy ( at least he is in the house) I just worry about kids leading him astray 😔

My 13 year old is just spreading his wings now. As it should be I think. It's important for them to learn independence and how to function and navigate situations away from their parents.

That sounds absolutely fine and normal to me OP.

Sorry to hear that about your cousin and I understand how this would have had a long term impact on you.

In answer to your question - yes my DS would have met up with school friends 20 minutes away at that age, but not after dark. He would also have visited friends at their homes after school but I would then pick him up in the evening.

A 20 minute walk isn’t that far away. You could drive there in 5 mins.

13 was the age my ds started to venture further within the local area. Mostly to the town 20 mins walk away.

At 14 he jumped on the train to the nearest city 40 mins away.

He’s 15 now and has free reign to wherever, as long as it’s not so far he’d have to stay over.

It's so hard isn't it? My DS would go and play football at that age and he had a really good group of friends to be with. But not after dark.

I tried to juggle that he needed experiences so he could grow with my over protectiveness.

I'm so sorry about your cousin.

It is hard especially with your first.

What your DC wants to do sounds absolutely fine to me. Mine were walking to town (2 miles away) at that age.

Sorry to hear about your cousin.

Mine is 11 and sounds a bit like your son

assuming it’s not after dark I’d be encouraging this. He’d take his phone.

My son would play in the park after school age 9/10 and then bike home whenever he wanted. He’d always be back for 5-5.30 though, This was a safe area though and I didn’t worry, about 15 mins walk from home.
At 13 I would let him go anywhere that he asked, this would be park, football place where you pay to go in, city centre, cinema or whatever.
I think it’s fine to let your son do this, understandably you’re worried about what happened in the past but it’s good for him to have independence.

Mine is 13 this summer and goes round town with his mates. Town is a ten min walk but they wander around and he can be 20 mins walk away. I know all his friends though and their parents. He’s been doing this since he was 11. He has a phone. I don’t track him but I do text him every now and then to check in on him. I think they need this level of independence at 13, it’s definitely old enough but I understand your anxiety after what happened with your cousin.

My daughter turned 11 in may 2024, so last summer I basically pushed her out the door and told her to go explore, visit friends etc.
I kind of had to because the school she started in September 2024 is a 35 minute walk away and she had to start to do that herself every morning from September.
At first I was concerned, but, she took to it well and now goes to and from school and she calls for friends etc.