Where do you draw the line re child eating habits?

[ItsABeautifulDay25]

Just struggling to be consistent with DS7 as I can’t decide where my boundaries are and/or what to do for the best?!

We’re in that period where food that was previously eaten with no fuss e.g. bananas, now has him crying at breakfast because I chopped half up to go in his cereal!

Decent home cooked meals are left half-eaten because he’s full, only for him to declare at bedtime he’s still hungry.

I don’t want to create any food anxiety by ‘forcing’ him to eat stuff he doesn’t like, but also I don’t have time (and I’m not going to) create different meals for everybody.

It’s not every meal, but he rarely clears his plate, so I question my portion judgement… until he declares he’s hungry again 🤦‍♀️

How do I deal with this? What are my rules or boundaries?? Thanks

There is no need to clear a plate.

I provide the same choices at breakfast most days, a couple of cereal, toast and greek yoghurt. By 7 he can and should be at least making the choice if not get it himself. I think chopping up banana for him is a bit OTT at this age. I would put a banana on the table or send them to the fruit bowl.

For dinner I make sure there is some element of the meal that everyone likes, that might mean a veg side dish or plain noddles if I’m making sticky turkey noddles.

I also try and involve my kids in meal planning.

What time is dinner and what time is bedtime?

Being full for him clearly means - my stomach is full now. But if bedtime is 3 / 4 hours later it makes sense that a bit of porridge or toast might be needed.

Give him a smaller portion at dinner then toast before bed.

Why are you obsessed with clearing plates, how on earth can you know when he's full? Adults guess kid's portions, but you should NEVER force anybody to eat it all if they say they can't. That's really outdated parenting style. You sound like you have issues around food, and are passing them on. Why isn't he making his own breakfast at age 7? I love bananas but would hate them chopped up in cereal. Let him make his own choices from a healthy selection.

Don’t force him to clear his plate but if he then says he’s hungry later give him a slice of toast and butter or an apple etc. Point out that if he’d eaten his dinner he wouldn’t hungry - not accusingly, just factually.

Some people, kids included, prefer to eat little portions but more often. I wouldn't insist on a clear plate as you may be giving too large a portion, but he should be eating something. Maybe a small snack before bed such as a slice of toast?

The banana thing I wouldn't give any thought to. I hate fruit in my cereal and he maybe has decided he doesn't want to eat it combined too. Leave an unpeeled banana on the table in case he wants to add it himself. They're soft fruit so he doesn't even need a sharp knife to cut it.

My folks used to make me stay at the dinner table until my plate was cleared. A plate which contained a portion size they had decided on. It was fucking awful tbh and something I discussed with dh (boyfriend at the time) as a no no when raising any future kids we had.

No plate clearing, it stops them listening to their bodies. We had a post dinner snack rule that was relatively plain ie toast and only toast if they still said they were hungry before bed. We used the dinner table as a place to sit and chat so there was no immediate get down from the table if you have finished. However, Dh made it home for family dinner so we all sat down together and all ate together.

We also implemented an everyone helps clear away so at 7 that would include carrying things from the table into the kitchen, music on, the 7 year old wiping the table and drying it (lots of cross body movements, great for development) and then they could see what went into preparing dinner and clearing away afterwards. In school they will clear their trays if they have a school lunch. Again it means no immediate playing which is the reason some children will say they are full so they can get back to play time leaving the adults clearing up.

The banana he can cut up himself with a dinner knife, give him some ownership, you can set the choices he can choose from those foods.

Just have clear boundaries about what he might get if he's hungry later. DS has tried this a few times, pushed his dinner around his plate, (something he's eaten many times) eaten a few mouthfuls then declared himself full, then half an hour later he's 'hungry' and asking for biscuits. That's a no. Still hungry you know where the fruit bowl is, or on occasion I have made porridge but with a reminder that if he'd eaten his dinner he wouldn't be hungry.

My 7 year old is a bit of a “little and often” eater. If she says she’s hungry before bedtime she can choose a fruit or vegetable snack. For things like breakfast she knows what the options are and can choose one of them. 7 feels a bit old for drama over cut up bananas. No one has to clear their plate but I do tend to err on the side of serving less and people can get more if they want it.

He isnstill very young. But food is often used by kids as a method of control.wjen something else is bothering that they cannot control.

My advice would be give him choices.

Allow him to decode how much he wants on his plate. For some kids (my dd included) a full plate can be massively overwhelming.

My dd grazes, she isn't keen on a big meal and goes for little and often.

I never made now teen DD clear her plate, I reduced the portions - and she'd still leave some!

She's definitely a little and often eater.

Get him to sort his own breakfast, he can put cereal in a bowl and choose the fruit he wants. Perhaps he'll eat better if he feels he has more control?

I choose what food to serve, the dc choose how much to eat. They do their own breakfast and have done (with help if necessary for porridge) since midway through primary.

We have one snack a day after school, so they’re not filling up on rubbish. Mealtimes are relaxed. Plates don’t always get finished but the children are happy and healthy.

Make sure the majority of meals have a wide variety of healthy foods including ones you know he will eat and let him serve himself.
Don't comment on how much or little he's eaten just let him get on with it.
Any food left can be given again if he's hungry later on.

He’s seven so stop chopping his bananas. He’s also too old to cry about it so just ignore it.

If he prefers smaller portions at dinner then give him that and something boring like toast if he wants something later.

I wouldn’t obsess about plate clearing as long as he’s not just mucking about (ie hungry 5 mins later)

Give him some say - maybe he gets to have 2 or 3 things he doesn’t like at any one time. I wouldn’t involve him in planning meals unless it’s fun for you - he can plan meals when he pays for and cooks them

We always have 'supper' right before bed. Here it's Greek yoghurt or occasionally unsweetened rice pudding. Something reasonably healthy and filling that is the same or very similar every day. Sometimes they don't want it but they always can.

At dinner they have to finish a portion of vegetables and taste everything on the plate. If they really don't like the vegetables served they may have raw pepper or carrot from the fridge instead but they are eating some vegetables.

Breakfast and lunch they can basically choose what they want (and usually sort it themselves, including my 7 year old son). Within certain parameters.

It's slightly different as ds has autism, but at that age we did a lot of meals where you helped yourself to what you wanted out of a selection of healthy stuff.

I was also happy if he then had a snack later. I actually think it's reasonable to not be that hungry at a meal you havent chosen the time off, then feel hungry later. I also think eating till your full at that moment in time us healthy, even if 3 or 4 hours later your aren't full anymore.

We also have a lunch box and anything not eaten at lunch can be a snack when home. The lunch hall isn't a place a lot of children eat properly.

It depends on lots of factors.

Breakfast let him choose, from a sensible selection.
Lunch presumably at school. Weekends we often all eat different things, again let him choose from a small selection.
Main meals I always ask how much they want when I am plating up.

Does he snack after school? What time do you eat? How long until bedtime?

Mine are teens now but always had cereal or toast or fruit before bed when they were small (as did I 40 years ago)

I cook the same evening meal for my 7 year old as for me. Any elements I know she doesn't like I still put a tiny amount on her plate for her to 'try it again in case she suddenly find she likes it.' but I never make her eat it. Doing this has led to her reintroducing foods to her diet that she had gone off but all by her choice.

I think it's really easy to overwhelm a child with a big plate of food that is far more than they actually need and, if it's something that doesn't appeal to them, will just feel like a marathon for them to get through. As a rough guide my DD eats half the amount I eat. If ever she had only eaten a little I would keep it for later in case she's hungry later but this very rarely happens.

I do find any snacking late in the afternoon will impact DD's appetite for dinner and her will to eat a meal that's not a favourite so I'm careful about what she has in the couple of hours before dinner otherwise I have to accept that cake at 4:30 means she won't be ready to eat a proper meal at 6:30. Tends to be more of an issue when we're with others who snack more.

I think at breakfast time it's really easy to offer a choice. DD knows she has a choice between a variety of cereal or porridge with her choice of topping on weekday mornings. Weekend breakfasts more of a treat with pancakes, crumpets or croissants etc. I think the chopping banana onto your DS' cereal without asking is just not a battle worth having as breakfast is a meal where it's easy to offer them a choice and have different people eating different things.

As a general rule I try to keep meals low pressure but that doesn't mean I avoid putting meals on the table that aren't a first choice for DD.

In his defence I think I’d cry if someone put a chopped up banana in my cereal, texture nightmare! I agree with other PPs though, don’t expect clear plates, little and often etc,

Kids need to eat little and often. Just relax tbh. Don't make food an issue.

How long is the gap between dinner and bed?

Ok, the banana was just an example! I’d mashed half up for the baby and just chopped it up for DS7 breakfast to save it going to waste. Banana and peanut butter sandwiches are still ok, but no longer banana and cereal!

DS normally has a biscuit, chocolate or cake when he gets home from school at 3.45. Then tea is anywhere from 5 to 6.30, and bed around 7.30.

So there is an issue with leaving the table to play on his tablet (which is set to turn off at 6.30). So I appreciate the comments about about not leaving the table to play. This is something I’ll need to look at.

But the hunger at bedtime is also not thought about until he’s in bed, story then it’s “oh I’m hungry”.

So if he's left half his dinner only to be hungry again later, why not give him dinner again? So feed him a very small plate of dinner, with another small plate put in the fridge for 'later'? That way he gets the same food, just spread over two 'mealtimes'. Plus no surprises as to what there is to eat for supper. I presume dinner is food he likes, so he's not leaving it because he hates it, just because he's too full to eat it right then, so let him eat it in two portions.