How to manage small business with small kids?

[Smallbusi]

I have a small business that I’m able to run from home. It’s great because it’s so flexible around looking after my young kids but it completely consumes my life. I don’t have much in the way of proper childcare during the week for my youngest, MIL usually takes him in the morning one day per week. We can’t afford to pay for him to go to nursery really and I don’t want him to go til age 3. My husband comes in from work (9-5 office job) and expects I will somehow have worked 9-5 the same as him, despite having two kids with me for at least half of every day. He will walk in the door and immediately start complaining that the house is a mess (because I’ve been working while my youngest plays). If I work on the weekends around him and the kids, he instantly says ‘all you do is work’ like I’m expected to make a full time wage without ever actually having an undivided hour all week to do any of it in.

I end up working into the early hours some mornings just so I don’t have to deal with kids crying or him complaining 🤦🏻‍♀️ At a bit of a crossroads of how to manage it going forwards. I’m jealous of people who work 2/3 days a week then have other days available to play with kids and sort their house out. In an ideal world he’d say one day at the weekend that they can pretend I’m not there and I get to work and a night during the week he fully covers dinner/bath time so I can work but it’s like I’m expected to be everywhere doing everything all the time without ever actually allowed to visibly work, it’s becoming impossible 😩

Can you print out a week calendar from outlook and sit down with him to ask for his help to schedule / structure your week?

Block out all time you're on childcare
Block out time for cleaning / laundry / shopping / meal prep etc everything else you do
Show him what (tiny) proportion of your week remains for work

Work together to see what can give : what he can do more of.

But ultimately if you want to work more you need more childcare

If you want to stick with no childcare then you need to work less

Only you can decide that one.

I’d second all the PP’s advice above

But also if he’s over 9 months you should get 15 hours free nursery a week - I really think you need to use it for his sake as well as yours, you will have more proper time for him if you can get a good chunk of work done with him looked after elsewhere, if you are half working he won’t be getting the best out of you and that’s not great full time.

The people that you're jealous of that work 2/3 days and have the other days off with their kids pay for childcare for the most part I'm afraid - myself included. It takes up pretty much all of my wages but it is what it is. You can't expect to work and do childcare at the same time - it feels impossible because it is!

Tell your husband you'll be going to the library (or some alternative workspace) every Saturday for six hours while he takes charge of the house and kids.

You need to plan your time better around your Dh and dc, and ultimately, you need to start getting some childcare in place.

When Dh started his business, he did it in the evenings. I did a PhD when mine were small, but I did a lot of work when Dh was home from work, late afternoon into evening and on the weekends. So you need to set aside dedicated childcare time when you are fully engaged with your dc. And then you need time when you can be fully engaged with work. As those of us who had to work while caring for toddlers during lockdown will tell you, you can’t do both, not well anyway, certainly not for any period of time.

And you need to explore your childcare options. You should be able to receive a funded place and realistically a child who has the full attention of carers in nursery or with a childminder is much better off than a child plopped in front of a screen with a frazzled parent trying to work. You will all be happier and it also means you can grow your business and improve your financial security. All good stuff.

Yeah you’re trying to do the impossible. I tried this during Covid, as did millions of others, and it was stressful and unproductive. If you want to work more, someone else needs to have your child - whether that’s your husband, family or paid childcare is up to you.

thanks for everyone’s help

He doesn’t get any screen time at all at his age @mindutopia but thanks