Holiday of a lifetime vs crippling anxiety about being away from home

[Iwillquit]

I have saved up for an amazing holiday to mark a milestone event in my life. It’s booked - deposit paid - with the balance due next week. I’m travelling alone. My family are staying at home but I so wish now they were coming with me but they can’t. It’s 10 days away to a vibrant and very safe city for sole travellers. My anxiety however is telling me not to go. I veer between thinking it will be an amazing experience to wanting to cancel and stay at home. If I stay at home I won’t do anything. How do i boost my confidence/conquer my anxiety to embrace this experience and enjoy it? What would you do - pay the balance or cancel?

Pay the balance.

I'm very similar. I know I would be the same.

I also know that doing it would end up being amazing, restore precious confidence in myself and worth the initial fear.

I did two days sightseeing in NY by myself recently (travelled with DH but he was off at a hobby) and it was great for me!!

Just remember - you can NEVER get the flavour of a trip before you set foot there, never. So you are fretting now, but what's actually going to happen is that you will get your bags packed, get on the flight, get off and get your taxi, and then have days of warmth, rest, beauty, surprise, pleasure, interest, peace, excitement and a flavour of life you have never ever had before. And you will think, life is amazing and I am so grateful I did this.

GO, if you go and love it it was worthwhile,if you go and don't enjoy it so much you will have gained valuable experience that you can cope on your own but in future you would prefer company on holidays
if you don't go you'll never know whether you missed out on something great
I have travelled several times alone it's fine as you say it's a place that is safe for solo travellers so just do it, getting out of your comfort zone is good

Ooo clue? Looking for inspiration

Absolutely pay the balance and go!

I'm sure once you've familiarised with your surroundings there, you'll have a blast.

Don't let anxiety stop you from doing the things you really want to do.

And if you find you didn't like travelling alone, you don't have to do it again. But don't let this opportunity slip by and wonder what might have been.

Thank you - I’ve been here twice by myself alone and loved it hence booking again. I’ve also been here with my family and loved it even more. I don’t know what’s happened to me. My confidence has gone and I don’t know why. Maybe reality has hit now it’s about to happen. I’ve saved for so long, booked an amazing flight and hotel, got loads on my list to do and see and I’m bottling it last minute.

Think Crazy Rich Asians.

You'll never know unless you go. If you stay at home, you'll feel safe but also frustrated and sad. Go, but do your research first. Read all about your new environment, key attractions, transport options, basic language, useful phone numbers - police, ambulance, taxis etc. This will give you confidence and help you to look forward to the trip.

I think it’s not helped by the fact that on our last visit one of my children was very ill and had a delayed return home with my husband. I loved my time there but on departure day I was ready for us all to go home. Not separately. Right now I’m happy to go. Overnight anxiety will hit but I know I’ll regret cancelling.

Iwillquit Hi Op did you end up going on your trip? I also have booked a solo holiday abroad and I'm getting really anxious. Any tips would be helpful

I've just got back from a 6 week solo trip to Thailand. I felt really anxious the week before, imagining all the things that could go wrong. Thats pretty normal I think. Nothing bad happened and I had a great time! Can you articulate exactly what you are feeling anxious about? It can be really helpful to write it down, to get some objectivity about your fears. For me it was things like coping with jetlag, the uncomfortableness of being on such a long flight, my luggage getting lost and coping with the heat and humidity. I did cope, and my luggage wasn't lost!

Don't cancel, you will regret it I think. Concentrate on why you wanted to go there in the first place, all the fun, exciting things you will do when you're there and how great you will feel when you've overcome your fears!

Appalonia Thank you so much for replying. You will never know how comforting it is to read your message. This morning I actually drafted an email to the package holiday company to say that I was cancelling. I did not send it.

I think that with travelling solo what worries me is going through customs and the security. This is the most ridiculous thing and I am sure someone reading this will howl with laughter...What if someone puts something in my bag and I end up banged up abroad. I know this is anxiety and fear talking because all my luggage will be carry on. I also will be in a quiet resort in the Caribbean reading and not partying hard where someone might take advantage.

I think that a lot of the anxiety is connected to the terrible plane crash yesterday and I keep worrying what if that happens to me and I leave my young children motherless.

It's my 40th birthday and I always put everyone's else's needs above my own and so I made the decision to do something lovely for myself.

You are right though writing this out feels better out than letting anxiety and fear take over. Thank you for your message I truly appreciate it

Hi, yes I went and loved it! I’ve been back about a week now. I almost cancelled the day before, had a huge amount of panic attacks but was fine once I landed. I ended up
taking one child with me and they had the most fantastic time. It did me the world of good and I processed lots of issues I had been avoiding. It was that good I’m about to book again! It was a very safe place to visit and everything worked out perfectly.

I'm so glad I read this. I've literally booked a solo trip yesterday and have had dreadful anxiety today and was thinking about cancelling. Its almost reassuring to see other people think exactly the same...

Iwillquit that's really good to hear. I always find it easier travelling with my kids and rarely get anxious when flying and then being on holiday altogether.

Wittow where are you going?

The anxiety is coming and going. I've emailed the holiday company to see how much the cancellation charge would be if I cancelled. Before kids I would fly solo all over the world.

I suspect you will go through the whole range of emotions I did. I cried the day before and wanted to cancel, I cried going to the airport and even on the flight. But once I did that it was fine. I could WhatsApp my husband and other child every day. Got standard home updates to make me feel like wasn’t missing out. Paid bills/book appts etc like I was at home. Kept in touch with my friends and family. And had a fabulous time with so many amazing memories but I know my anxiety will
peak again once I rebook. Hopefully it won’t be as bad. Good luck for your trip!

I'm so glad that you ended up going and had a brilliant time.

I feel a bit embarrassed that I emailed the travel company this evening. I hope that they will be reassuring. I imagine that I'm not the first person they've booked who needs reassurance 😊

Just saw this and well done you for getting over your anxiety and went. I think it's Singapore (the crazy rich Asian hint). It's an amazing city and like you say, very safe. Only problem is just the long flight..

I have anxiety about every holiday we go on. I convince myself that the cat is ill and will die in our absence, or the boiler is making weird noises and will blow up the house, or my parents will have an accident and need me here. Every single holiday my husband has to talk me down, I even convince myself that I dont really fancy going away anyway. Of course as soon as I get there I am fine and have a lovely time but it makes going away so stressful and I wish I could find a way to stop the anxiety.

There's a FB Group called Solos in The Sun. Lots of pp holidaying alone. The pre trip anxiety is very normal, and the group are very reassuring and supportive to each other about pp's worries. It's also v inspiring seeing so many pp travelling alone and having a great time! Maybe worth a look?

I hate going through customs/ security too. During my trip around Thailand I went on 6 flights. My biggest stress was going over my luggage allowance and I got fined about £30 at Bangkok airport! Ended up buying a cheap wheelie case for my purchases.Also, really don't enjoy flying.That moment when the plane lifts off is v nerve wracking! But it is generally a v safe form of travel. The Air India flight that crashed just after tariff is horrendous, but it's really, really rare. I think it's the feeling of being so out of control that makes it so stressful.

@GratitudeGoddess please don't cancel your holiday!

My anxiety however is telling me not to go.

Ask the anxiety for it's reasons for you not going. Write them down - are they valid?

Thank you Appalonia and Eyesopenwideawake for your supportive messages. I truly appreciate it. I haven't heard back from the travel agency about advice if I choose to cancel.

I'm really looking forward to being in the resort. I'm going to Body Holiday in St Lucia. I've been saving up for years.

My main anxiety is the plane, going through customs and security and transferring there as I believe it's a 90 min drive up very windy roads.

Sadly I am not on Facebook but may join so that I can connect with other solo people.

If I could just click my heals and be transported to the resort I would be happy. The thought of being in the Caribbean and reading my favourite books is a dream that I've held for many, many years.