feeling rubbish and would appreciate advice on how to move forward. DS was 3.5 when I fell pregnant with DD. Wed always been beat mates and he was very much mummy-oriented. I had hyperemesis with DD (and didn’t at all with DS) so we spent so much less time together, I was constantly sick or in bed. He spent more time with DH but it was quite traumatic, he’d be crying and screaming for mummy but I just couldn’t be there for him. Then I got SPD in the third trimester and could barely walk so we couldn’t do much together. When DD was born, she had some mild issues (jaundice, weight loss) that focused the attention upon her. And I breastfed too which was quite time consuming.
Around that time DS started nursery and was thriving, but after six months we moved across the country, we started a new school, and had a rubbish teacher. His behaviour changed, he’d always been a happy chappy and suddenly he was having meltdowns at home, acting babyish, hitting us. We did our best to give him space because he was going through so much, and to make more time for him, especially me, for example I’d try to do a special outing, like the cinema with just the two of us. Sometimes he was happy but other times he would scream and refuse and say “I just want daddy, Mummy go away!” And I will admit there were times when he behaved wildly (screaming in a silly way for mummy at bed time whilst I was settling DD) and I ignored him or was a bit shouty because I wanted him to not wake his sister.
He’s now 6 and I’ve been feeling rubbish that I didn’t do more to support him and perhaps he felt neglected. We also learned that his teacher was much worse than we originally understood and have been feeling quite guilty for not advocating for him earlier.
Am I the worst mum? Can I repair the relationship with my DS? If so, how?