I’ve been musing about this a lot recently. As a kid my mum went in very heavily on the anti drugs chats, teenage pregnancies etc. There were a lot of terrible scare stories, and as a result I was very fearful of these things, the stories worked. At the same time she did also say I could always go to her if I was ever in trouble.
I was a “good” girl, up until I went to university. At which point, I started seeing friends taking drugs and seeing that they didn’t all die, or end up as addicts. The scare stories of my mum didn’t work anymore. Even though I never ended up taking loads of drugs myself, I don’t think I was particularly equipped to deal with the reality of people messing up, or indeed me making my own mistakes.
Because my mum went in so heavy as an early teen, when I did end up making mistakes (getting too drunk, bad relationships, and an abortion in my early 20s), I never went to her for advice or comfort. I was too scared to, even though I know the reality is she would have helped me.
My kids are getting to be tweenagers and I’m wondering how you warn them about all the things that you don’t want them to do, whilst also leaving the door open for them to feel like you won’t judge them when they do mess up???