Dreading DP getting a job at home after working away for 10 years

[eachpeachpea]

DP and I have been together 10 years, he has pretty much always worked away apart from the odd week here and there, it's never been a problem as it's just what I'm used to and how our lives has always been. Over the years I grew to really enjoy the balance and now I couldn't imagine it being any different. We have a 3 year old and due another in the next month. I work 4 days myself and always managed the balance of working, parenting myself while DP was away and keeping on top of the house pretty well. DS and I have a great routine and I love my peaceful evenings alone once he's is in bed.

Since DS was born he has often mentioned he would like a job at home, but it's never got much further than that. The nature of his job in construction is the reason why he works away. He is now in serious talks with a company at home who have the kind of work he is looking for available and it is sounding like he's going to be taking it on. I know this sounds awful, but I am just really dreading this huge change to what has always been our lives. I do love him and he's a great dad, working away has never affected the bond him and DS have, but I selfishly grew to really enjoy him working away and having him home from Friday afternoon until Monday morning.

I am wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and how it worked out? I'm worried it's going to effect our relationship negatively.

It'll be good for your children to have a a more involved dad and as they get older you will probably enjoy having him around so you can do things like go out for a drink with a friend mid-week.

It'll be an adjustment for sure but hopefully one you come to like. Nothing stays the same forever.

It'll be much easier for you than wrangling two wee ones at bedtime if not the rest of the week.

I think you'll get used to it very quickly.

Having 2 is much harder than having one . If he's genuinely a good dad and pulls his weight around the house you might be glad of the change. Especially while the new baby is tiny.

I really don't think that you understand just how much work having 2 is. It's so hard getting one tucked into bed when the other one is bawling and trying to get the older one fed and out the door to nursery first thing after hardly any sleep with a screaming baby than needs a feed at the same time. That's great that you've been able to hold fort alone up until now, keep a clean house and work 4 days a week. Don't assume that the next one will be so easy. Then there is the hideousness of after school clubs when they get older and have to be in two different places at once all evening and when they stay up later and make even more of a mess.
One is sooo much easier by comparison.
Could he work from an office or you free up some time to each go for a swim or out with friends in the evenings? You don't have to be in each others pockets all the time.

mine are older now (teens) but had the exact same, same industry too.
hed always worked away in the week then got a local ish site, when dc1 was 3 and dc2 a few months.

id never minded him being away as like you it was just the status quo from day 1. I was also a bit unsure.

actually it was great timing, as the dc got bigger he was home at a useful time to do bath and stories/bed etc. plus bed time is lovely as they get bigger and having stories…DH much better at funny voices than me!

the nature of the job is that at some point (several years) he got a site away again, they were both at secondary by this point.
i really feel that it was great that he was around to see the really lovely years when they are at primary and there are school events etc. plus also the age when the dc are really interactive in loving you back.

it also meant that I could go out in the evenings and do fitness classes and the like so although I couldn’t starfish in the bed there were definite positives for me.

hes back to being away again and has been tough at times (exams for example) but then I get to starfish (or sleep without earplugs) so swings and roundabouts. I think you will settle into a new routine with him back, but make sure you take advantage with some time to yourself.

Having 2 children is much harder than having 1. I think you might change your mind about having him around more.

He'll probably live to regret losing his peaceful evenings though.

I also think you will change your mind once the new baby is born. Two kids is waaaay more work than one. More than twice the work, imo, because you're not just looking after two children, but also dealing with the dynamic between them, which can be challenging!

You will benefit from having more support.

I really think this is one of those situations where you have to change your mindset if you genuinely want it to work.

You’ve had a fabulous time. And now you are going to have a very different fabulous time.

It could be really really good if you are willing to look for and embrace the new positives, rather than focus on what you’re losing.

I can't blame him wanting to be around his children more. Surely you wouldn't want to work away from your dc?

My DH travelled for work a lot. Regularly away 4 nights a week from before we had kids until our DC Were 7 & 9. When covid started the travelling came to a 100% halt and he has never travelled since and worked from home full time.

Honestly, it was the best thing for us. When he was away and came home I just felt like he was messing with our routine. Now he’s here full time he is part of the routine and does school runs, cooking and cleaning and is a hands on parent.