Do I apply for this job? I am scared.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Sounds dramatic but I am.

Potted history, made redundant (hospitality) at the end of the first lockdown from a management position. Took a supermarket job "for the duration" but ended up staying until Feb last year. In that period my parents (70's) developed serious health issues which led to me being their carer.

Now......doing 2/3 shifts a week in hospitality again and parents health issues are controlled. The only issue they have is that neither of them are able to drive anymore so sometimes they need lifts to appointments. They hated using taxis but have got used to it now and use them all the time so I am needed less.

I have been contacted about a job, via a friend, that I would love to do and I know I would be good at. Office hours so no more late finishes and weekends. But it is full time, and at times will involve a significant commute timewise.

I am a single parent to a 13 year old who is HF with autism. She wants me to apply. My parents want me to apply. I desperately need the money, it would be a MASSIVE boost financially.

But I am scared. I have been out of FT work for so long. I worry about DD even though she manages perfectly well when I have to work and she lets herself in, cooks for herself when she needs to and is very aware of personal safety. My parents live literally around the corner and she knows to go there or call them if anything happens.

But I am still scared. To the point where it is making me a bit tearful at times.

I have emailed the guy back asking to talk more about the position and suggested a time for a call and waiting to hear back.

But part of me (a BIG part of me) is thinking "We manage, why rock the boat? Ma and Pa might need me, DD might need me. What if, what if....." its like my brain keeps coming up with reasons why I shouldnt do it. Then sensible brain "Stop being a fucking excuse making coward and just do it".

I know I need to apply, but I am scared. Help me not be please.

I get scared about new starts as well.

You've been through a lot. Give yourself some grace. You'll do wonderfully.

It's stage fright. Our brains are very good at wanting us not to rock any boats.

If you don't, you'll be riddled with what ifs and the opportunity would have passed. If it doesn't work out then you dont have to stay. I think things will work out though.

Thank you both x

Daft thing is, I really want this job. But my brain keeps telling me reasons I shouldnt even try.

I understand

the "what ifs" with my mum are holding me back too

however, my mum is 86 and dad's gone. Can your parents keep an eye on each other? That is a help.

Grab the opportunity while you can. I'm slowly making progress towards the things I want. Take the steps. You can change your mind if it comes to the crunch and you don't want to in the end.

I can't comment re your DD but parents in 70s with health issues under control was a much easier time for me.

Good luck!

Go for it. Give imposter syndrome a kick up the bahookey.

Go for it. It’s not prison- if you don’t like it, you can leave.

But you’ll probably like it. Good luck 🙂

I total get where you are coming from. I have been out of work for a few years and want to get back but I'm scared as my CV not very good but I am a person where you show me I can do it type.

Yea! Go for it! I'm flying that flag for you. Your daughter sounds amazing by the way and that's a credit to you.

Feel the fear and do it anyway. (Brilliant book by the way).

Your future self will thank you.

Can you work out what exactly it is that you’re actually scared of?
Applying for it isn’t committing to accepting it even if they offer it to you - I don’t mean that to sound negative, just trying to point out that you’re letting your brain get well ahead of itself. Take this one step at a time. What’s the harm in just having a chat to find out a bit more about the job? Then if you’re still interested, what’s the harm in submitting an application? Then if you get called for interview, what’s the harm in going in for that?

You only actually have to make a decision about the job if they offer it to you!

How about...
Best case scenario, if you're offered the job, ask if they would consider 4 days or even 4.5 days. Would that ease the pressure a little bit by giving you flexibility to attend appointments etc?

Medium scenario, get in there, be good at it, stuck it out for 12 months & make a request for reduced hours due to your caring commitments.

As PP said, worst case scenario, you try it, it's too full on, you leave but you gave it a go. Sounds like hospitality/retail will always be a reliable back up with your experience.

Families adapt. It's great that they're all supportive of you & each other.

Absolutely apply for it, otherwise you're rejecting yourself before anyone else gets a chance to review your CV!

I can tell you will put your heart and soul into it, and that will translate into you being fabulous in the role. Good luck and hope all goes well.

give yourself a chance. The interview process itself will be an experience and may give you confidence going forward should you not get the job. Good luck! Everything crossed for you 🤞

How about you do something for you?

Everyone is supportive, go for the interview.

Oh thank you all.

I think that life has got (weirdly) a bit easy.

My caring role has really not been needed for the last 6 months. So I have got a bit comfy just doing a couple of shifts a week. My age and the fact that I only have one child left at home after a very busy life of a (more than) FT job and 6 kids feels like I just am happy taking it easy. I am. But at 51 I cant afford to take it easy. I am mortgage free but if I told you what my monthly income is you would be shocked that we manage to live on that.

I think I do need a kick up the arse, and yes there is very much a case of imposter syndrome.

I suggested a phone call on Friday, so I will see if that happens and will of course let you know what comes from that.

Thank you all again for the support. Especially suggesting that I do something for me....that would be a first. Had my eldest at 17 and my youngest at 38 so everything I have ever done has been around the children. Then when they were all ok, my parents needed me so it became all around my parents. So maybe yes, it is time for something for me.

OP YOU CAN DO IT!!
There is scope in most roles for family emergencies.
Believe in yourself and get the application sent!
Don't let your own negative thoughts be the limit of your success!
Sending you a massive good luck hug, everyone is rooting for you 🥰

I should add

I'm freelance part time

but would like a last blast at corporate for security

i hear from contacts that it's easier than it used to be as there's more sympathy for personal emergencies etc. frankly that's a big change. Also I wouldn't put as much pressure on myself now - aged 48 - though arguably I benefited from putting pressure on myself 😂

it's bloody great not being full time though. Obviously not fun when occupied with mum stuff but still, good to not be doing full time.

Well, after talking to a couple of friends and my eldest DD, I have bitten the bullet and applied. The deadline is Saturday so dont want to leave it any longer and if its not suitable, I can withdraw.....lets see what happens!!

Thank you all for your support, it really has helped give me the push I needed.

Yay! I'm so pleased!

Good job @PyongyangKipperbang!

Let us know how you get on… we’re invested now

I have just had a chat with another and she has uncovered that yes, a MASSIVE case of imposter syndrome!

So this would be a corporate role withing the hospitality industry. And most of the corporate lot are people who have done very little in terms of hands on in the industry apart from maybe a bar job whilst studying Business Management at Uni. Not being sneery, thats just how it is.

She said "Are you worried that would be thought less of because you worked your way up through the ranks instead of going to Uni and doing all the courses?" I said yes I guess so "Even though you know far far more about the job they are trying to tell others how to do?" Yep, pretty right so far. "Would you trust a person who has studied cars for years, has degrees and heaven knows what qualifications in cars but has never touched one to fix your knackered gear box, or the bloke who left school to a YTS (google, it was a thing in our day!) and now owns the garage?"

Fair enough.

Oh I will dont worry!

I am keeping expectations realistic about getting it. But....I am glad I applied as its sort of broken down a barrier I had in my head.

OK I need the help of you wise women!

So put my application in and called the recruiter today. Good conversation and he sent me further details, which I am pondering (a 6 month probation period for what isnt actually a management role seems a bit much, what do we think?) Also a couple of things he said made me think that they are struggling to fill the role which, given so many people in the industry would jump at what seems like a perfect job, seems odd.

However, biggest issue for me Teams! First interview is on Teams and I have never used it. My role meant that I didnt need it during lockdown as on furlough, and then was made redundant. All roles since have been customer facing, so again, not needed or used.

I can figure out the technicals but do I need to know anything about ettiquette, best practice, what not do etc? Familiar (ish) with Zoom if that helps?

@PyongyangKipperbang can't help with Teams I'm afraid but I tend to view all of these things as the same? As in the etiquette is all the same in a screen interview?

As far as six month probation goes, I have noticed that everything requires six month probation these days. I don't know why. I suspect the differences will only be seen when you get to contract stage so probably shorter notice both sides.

The Teams experts will be along soon I’m sure. Just wanted too wish you luck. What’s for you won’t go past you.