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Original poster

Childcare for DC ages 10-14

45 replies

Midlifecareerchange · 04/02/2025 17:36

Totally clueless about this. I've had family help until now- what do most people do for DC who are tweens/ young teens for those gaps around school. I leave for work at 6 and dh leaves at 7.20 and the DC need to leave at 7.50. They and we aren't comfortable with leaving them to be the last to leave the house (mainly for the younger one) and after school they'll get home around 3.30 and we don't get back till 5-7pm depending on the day/ workload. Trying to find a nanny seems a bit odd at this stage. What's the normal done thing? Most of my kids' friends have at least one parent wfh or working part time so I've not managed to get any real life answers

OP posts:

SheilaFentiman · 04/02/2025 19:25

Perhaps talk her through how, although her friends might have a parent who WFH, since you and DH have the school holidays off, overall, she spends more time with you both than the average?

PenguinLove1 · 04/02/2025 19:48

Do you both have long commutes? If not can you not come straight home alternate days from school and do marking/lesson plans from home? I didnt think being out 7-7 was necessary as a teacher

user2848502016 · 04/02/2025 20:09

My youngest (10, year 5) goes to breakfast club which starts from 8am. Then one day a week she goes to grandparents and the other 4 DH and I WFH so at least one of us is here. We are 5 mins walk from school so at a push she could let herself in and would be alone for an hour until my eldest (13, year 9) gets home.
When she was younger she did after school club 2 days a week as well as grandparents 1 day so we only had to collect her from school on 2 days.
Morning is trickier, we just wouldn't be able to both of us leave before 8am.

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Original poster

Midlifecareerchange · 04/02/2025 21:35

PenguinLove1 · 04/02/2025 19:48

Do you both have long commutes? If not can you not come straight home alternate days from school and do marking/lesson plans from home? I didnt think being out 7-7 was necessary as a teacher

We both work in boarding schools with extremely full on extra curriculars we are involved in. Timetables are 100% not up to either of us

OP posts:

Original poster

Midlifecareerchange · 04/02/2025 21:37

And yes my commute is 1.5 hours either way. I'm often out for 15 hours although normally back by 7pm

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Original poster

Midlifecareerchange · 04/02/2025 21:39

Yes we have got used to family childcare and we are lucky but the lonely feeling she has that she doesn't see me enough is real due to my long days and I don't want to make her any sadder about it

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Original poster

Midlifecareerchange · 04/02/2025 22:10

And not that it's very relevant except to DD's feelings but I also work all day on Saturdays. Dh doesn't work Saturdays so that's not a 'childcare' issue.

anyway I appreciate those who have left helpful comments and told me their own arrangements. It has given me a better sense of what would be normal. I can't exactly ask the kids at my school they only see their parents every few months mostly (it's a very international type of school, they don't always see parents for exeats or half terms)

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Hayley1256 · 04/02/2025 22:16

This sounds harsh on your younger DD OP, do you work every Saturday? I know you need to work but I can see why she misses you. I would see if there are any childminders that she could go to in the mornings or after school if she wants.

fruitpastille · 04/02/2025 23:00

15 hour days plus work on Saturday is a lot. Would you consider looking for a job at a school closer to home? I've always used a childminder or grandparents when the kids were younger but now use breakfast club on my work mornings and there is an older sibling to keep the younger one company after school.

Original poster

Midlifecareerchange · 05/02/2025 06:22

Most Saturdays in term time yes @Hayley1256

@fruitpastille yes it's a lot! There are various reasons I don't work closer to home. The main one is I teach a subject that's not even taught in most state schools

OP posts:

kiraric · 05/02/2025 06:57

Midlifecareerchange · 04/02/2025 21:39

Yes we have got used to family childcare and we are lucky but the lonely feeling she has that she doesn't see me enough is real due to my long days and I don't want to make her any sadder about it

I understand that she is sad about it but really there aren't lots of options (assuming you don't want to change job and it sounds like you don't). Really the options are breakfast club or she lives with being without you in the mornings. She can choose between those but otherwise what can be done?

I guess you could move to reduce your commute but I am guessing you don't fancy that either.

SheilaFentiman · 05/02/2025 07:00

@kiraric I would assume OP’s DH works at a different secondary school, much closer, given that he leaves later and will be taking the DS into school from September.

Lindatowin · 05/02/2025 07:00

Kindly I think you perhaps need to go with your user name and look for a job closer to home with shorter hours. There are lots of teaching vacancies even if it’s not teaching your specialist subject.
I can see why your daughters feel like they are missing out.

kiraric · 05/02/2025 07:03

SheilaFentiman · 05/02/2025 07:00

@kiraric I would assume OP’s DH works at a different secondary school, much closer, given that he leaves later and will be taking the DS into school from September.

Yes I was assuming there were good reasons for where they live relative to both commutes but just mentioning it for completeness.

Answeringaquestiontonight · 05/02/2025 07:04

Does your youngest have any friends close by whose parents might be okay with her going to theirs in the morning?

NewYearNewDietAgain · 05/02/2025 07:09

My DS was letting himself in and out the house from year 6. I only work PT so it wasn't every day. We put a ring doorbell up so we could check he was leaving/arriving ok. I only work 3 minutes from the house so could pop back in case of an emergency.

Also, in the months beforehand, I gave him his own door key with key rings and put him in charge of locking and unlocking the door whenever we went out. Was a god way of getting him into the habit of locking up and teaching him to be responsible with a key. We've never had any problems.

Sounds like your youngest will be fine!

Dollmeup · 05/02/2025 07:11

I think in your position I would look for another job. My mum was a teacher and took a job in the school we went to. Several of my friends are teachers and have done the same thing. That way they get a lift in with you in the morning and can just go to your classroom at the end of the day and do their homework or read or something. You would then have weekends free for more family time too.

In a few years they will be teens wanting to do their own thing and you can go back to focusing on teaching your specialised subject then?

If you don't think that works it's probably just a case of accepting breakfast club and going home by themselves after school (which would be totally fine too).

ClementinePancakes · 05/02/2025 07:21

Is there a school friend nearby who she could drop into for half an hour (bringing her own breakfast)?
Dd’s friend’s younger sister used to do this once the older one was in secondary - leave with her sister, who was walking to secondary, earlier and then wait at her friends house until primary started, so she didn’t have to be alone and lock up the house.
I wouldn’t mind hosting one of my Dd’s friends in the same way, particularly if it was just for a couple of terms.

Original poster

Midlifecareerchange · 05/02/2025 07:21

Yes dh works much closer to home.

Thanks for all the thoughts everyone. As you may notice from my username I have thought quite a lot about changing jobs but I can't get a teaching job closer to home due to my subject and it's extremely hard to replace a 50K salary with (or even without) long holidays outside of teaching.

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Original poster

Midlifecareerchange · 05/02/2025 07:30

@ClementinePancakes yes that is an option I will ask about. Could work for the short term

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