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Original poster

Perfect MIL do they exist?

29 replies

Thomasina79 · 04/02/2025 07:28

Lighthearted

just wondering. There are so many comments about toxic MIL, I thought I would ask. What makes a good MIL? I have a lovely DIL and am so glad my son married her. They have two lovely young child who I adore. How can I make their lives easier without being intrusive, but showing I do care, which I hope they know anyway. My own late MIL was far from perfect, always making little digs and my late mother was a narcissist all her life.

OP posts:
BabCNesbitt · 04/02/2025 11:25

CurlewKate · 04/02/2025 11:14

If you read this thread, in order to be a good MIL, you have to eradicate your own personality, do a lot of childcare-but only when instructed to, never because you fancy spending some time with your grandchildren, be a good cook -but again, only when instructed-and crucially, under no circumstances want to have any sort of relationship with your son.

I don't think anybody's saying that. I think that people are just appreciating MILs who don't do the standard nightmare MIL approach that's complained about on here - trying to push out their DIL, only wanting to see their grandkids when it suits them, sneering at them and just generally making everyone else's lives more difficult and unpleasant. It's nice to see a thread singing the praises of the great MILs out there.

Pancakeflipper · 04/02/2025 12:49

My MIL isnt perfect and annoyingly for her, I'm not the perfect DIL. So we balance out nicely!

I think because we don't live near I have had no expectations of support etc for our families and with that lack of regular contact probably less drama.

But I love her, she knows that and I know she loves me, loves my children. She's getting older and I'll be heartbroken if she dies before me. I like her company and love sending her treats.

AnnaMagnani · 04/02/2025 13:32

CurlewKate · 04/02/2025 11:14

If you read this thread, in order to be a good MIL, you have to eradicate your own personality, do a lot of childcare-but only when instructed to, never because you fancy spending some time with your grandchildren, be a good cook -but again, only when instructed-and crucially, under no circumstances want to have any sort of relationship with your son.

I don't think this is fair.

My MIL started out thinking that she was going to have her relationship with her son through me. She expected I'd buy all the presents, send the cards, sort her Mother's Day, arrange the meet ups. Basically it wasn't a relationship, it was wifework.

When it was clear this wasn't going to happen she has proved perfectly capable of speaking to him directly and all of us get on a lot better as a result.

Fluffyc1ouds · 04/02/2025 14:18

I would say my MIL is perfect but not because she's got no personality, and I'm certainly not fussed about her cooking. She's pretty nuts actually and the first time I met her she drank a bottle of wine, shut me in the kitchen, grabbed a guitar and serenaded me. She's a brilliant and interesting woman with lots of life stories. She's very close to DH and our DS absolutely adores her which is the main thing.

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