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To feel sad I have a sister who doesn't want to know me

7 replies

confusedlots · 03/02/2025 15:46

My sister and I have never been close. She's very outgoing, sociable and has a big personality. I was a quiet child growing up, I'm not comfortable in new social situations and am most comfortable with a few close friends. I'm pretty sure I have ADHD, but not diagnosed.

In adulthood we have been civil to each other but the relationship has declined over the past few years, and I'm not too sure why. When her first child was born over 10 years ago I went to stay with her for a few days and remember having a good time, enjoyed helping her out with a newborn or just helping round the house etc. We stayed again as a family a couple of years ago and it was awful, she was so rude and condescending, and I spent one evening crying when she had gone to bed, and told myself I'd not be back to stay again.

The past few weeks I've just been reminded how sad it is. Was with a good friend who's sister had offered some practical help for her kid's birthday party, and another friend who's sister's family had some bad damage during the storm and she had spent the day helping them. It just reminded me that my sister would never offer any practical support, even if she lived close enough to do so. She's not interested in offering any type of support at all, and I have had to step back too because of how rude she has become.

Just feeling a bit sad about it today as it has hit me how lucky some other's are to have a good relationship with their siblings and to have someone who would offer support without even being asked.

OP posts:
Rocknrollstar · 03/02/2025 15:51

We don’t choose our family. For everyone with a close relationship with their sister there is someone else who is estranged from them. Do you have friends you can call on if you need them?

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 03/02/2025 15:58

Why was she being rude and condescending?

Sorry op, I'm estranged from my family inc my younger ds so I know it's not nice x

MrsJHernandez · 03/02/2025 16:15

I would love to have had a sister who I was close with. I'm an only child.

Unfortunately we can't choose our family or the dynamics of it.

You can't change or control how she behaves, but you could let her know that the way she treats you is upsetting. She may not even realise she's doing it.

Maybe she doesn't offer support without being asked because she's afraid to stick her nose in where it's not wanted?

I don't know. I'm sorry you don't have a close relationship with your sister when you would like one.

BourbonsAreOverated · 03/02/2025 16:19

I’m sorry you feel like that.
I completely understand the pang of sadness.
I am low contact with my family and no contact with my sister. I do grieve the family I don’t have. The reality is, even if I saw them they wouldn’t be the family id want or need. They wouldn’t help in those situations. I am still sad that they aren’t that family.

Latenightreader · 03/02/2025 16:48

My mother's sisters are twins who are very close. Neither of them bother to keep in touch with my mother. It is a sad situation, and I know Mum would like to be in touch with them more, not much but a few times a year, share family news, that sort of thing. Not much that can be done though if the other person isn't interested. There is a lot of resentment bubbling away about their childhood which is probably the root of it all.

ScarlettSunset · 03/02/2025 17:02

I feel similar to you OP

I would have loved to have a close relationship with my sister. We never got on as children but I hoped it would improve once we had grown up. It hasn't and if anything, it got worse. I tried to be nice to her and supportive if she needed me, but she never appreciated it, and would actually be nasty about me to others too.

I went through a phase of feeling so down about it a few years ago, but I have now just distanced myself from her as far as possible, and after a while, it has started to hurt less.

confusedlots · 03/02/2025 18:58

I did have some counselling a couple of years ago and we spoke about it quite a bit. My take on it is that she has always had a big personality and socialised with very popular/wealthy people, and never had much time for me as I wasn't the same at all. She married into a wealthy family, they bought a big house and had kids, while I never really had any sort of long lasting relationship for a long time

It was when I met my now DH that I think things started to go downhill. She was no longer the centre of attention, I got married and had a family, and I live much closer to my parents, who have a much closer relationship with my kids than they do with her's as she lives pretty far away. I'm also the one who my parents call on in an emergency, although only because I'm close enough to offer practical help, I'm sure they would call on her too if she lived closer.

Honestly, I think that growing up, she's never been used to not being the centre of attention, and not that I'm centre of attention now at all, there's definitely a different dynamic and she doesn't appear to like it. I wonder if my parents should have been more aware of it when we were children and tried to address it, but it's a tricky one to unpick.

OP posts:
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