Question for (primary) teachers

[Kkhfosc]

How do you react when a student cries after you shout at them to tell them off?

I admit it myself, I would cry when I got told off because I was usually well behaved so getting told off was unusual to me.

Come secondary, I was more emotionally mature so if I did get told off, I'd accept it and not cry.

Admittedly I was at Secondary but .... Shouting should only be used in the most serious of cases and if they cry, they cry that's ok. But if they've hurt someone, caused damage etc then a point has to be made and often shouting is a last resort but often gets the job done. I'd offer them a tissue and to step outside for a minute to collect themselves.

I too was an easy crier, I didn't even have to be shouted at just a telling off or thinking I'd let the teacher down would do it.

Depends what they did,

Some kids will try very hard to hurt another kid and then cry when told off,

I'll give them time outside to sort themselves out.

I remember crying in year 2 because I turned around in a performance assembly and was "distracting the students performing". As in there was a play (the nativity I think) going on behind us that we weren't supposed to watch.

I also tried to hold back tears when getting told off and kept inside for chatting in the corridor. (This I want shouted at and yes the teacher was justified)

I never hit anyone in primary.

Often Primary school children confuse being shouted at with the teachers stern voice (or even their projected voice over other noise) the two things are not the same.

I was one of those and like you can remember the tellings off I had, same as I can remember the odd one from home. I assume it's because I was from a quiet and calm household, was well behaved so being told off was a novelty I did not enjoy.

Children from shouty households are desensitize and generally don't care / show they care when shouted at.

Also presuming you are a 'proper' adult and in your 30 - 50s as is MN main demographic, comparing teachers behaviour at school in the 80s+ to modern ones isn't that useful as society has changed. I mean plenty of people remember being caned at school in the relative recent past so a telling off is nothing in comparison. Caning stopped I NI and Scotland in early 2000s - you think it was longer than that!

Is this about a child now or your own experiences as a child in a different era when teachers may have behaved differently to now?

For me primary was 16 years ago.

I was hoping current teachers on MN would answer my questions.

I am a current teacher. Yes, children sometimes cry after they've been told off. I can't think of a time I've 'shouted at' a child though. Possibly spoken in a stern serious voice, but I don't about.

I would have spoken to them, implemented whatever consequence the school policy outlined and if they cried, give them a a minute, then have a chat about making the right choice in future and having a fresh start now.

It wouldn't happen, as I wouldn't be "shouting at" pupils.

Nor would any of the staff I've worked with in all the years I've been teaching.

Totally agree with Often Primary school children confuse being shouted at with the teachers stern voice (or even their projected voice over other noise) the two things are not the same.

I wouldn’t shout at a child. I would tell them off in a stern voice when needed but I wouldn’t shout.

why do you need to know?

I rarely shout at a child at school. I teach year 2 mainly, sometimes reception and year 1. I do, however, at times use a stern voice or a slightly raised one,

Some children do cry after being told off, regardless of whether it's a quiet or a loud voice. It's the actual reprimand that does it generally, not the volume, ime.

How we deal with it [the tesrs] will depend on the seriousness of the incident and what we already know of that child.

For some we know it's best to let them get it out of their system and they'll come round in their own fairly soon after. For others, they need a hug/quiet word to tell them it's dealt with, help to dry tears and to move on. And for others again, we know that they may use it to avoid consequences so we ignore.

If I had done the telling off I'd have asked my TA to have word, give the child a moment to feel their feelings and maybe caught up with them later in the day. Or if I'd realised I'd been too stern (first teaching practice with a year 1 boy who cried when I told him off too sharply) I'd apologise and reel it in. That was early days

Secondary here but it does occasionally happen, I only ‘tell off’ to teach a lesson about behaviour and would only shout if I needed to get a students attention quickly in a dangerous situation. As soon as the message had hit home I stop and talk about restoration and next steps. Sometimes a student will continue to cry through this bit, they get offered a tissue and once the conversation is done the opportunity to go and wash their face.

I'm a primary school teacher. I don't shout at children but I do tell them off when necessary.

How I react if a child cries when reprimanded depends on the child.

If the child is generally kind and well behaved, rather sensitive, has done something a bit silly or unkind and it's down to not stopping to think about how the actions affect others, then the telling off is pretty brief, quite gentle and I go down the disappointed route rather than looking cross. No need to go on if the child is sorry and regrets what they did.

If it's crocodile tears because they've been caught out and they have learned that crying (or appearing to cry) works at home to stop the telling off then I'm more brusque, tell them that there's no point in crying, use my stern voice and continue to tell them why I'm not happy about their behaviour, ask what they should have done differently etc. The tears usually stop quite quickly when the child realises that it doesn't work.

If it's a child who is more robust than the first sort but more genuine than the 2nd, a naughty kid who has done wrong but is crying because they are genuinely sorry then I take a bit of a middle road - serious but with a bit of sympathy.

I don't shout.

If a child cries it's usually because they realise they've made the wrong choice.

I remember getting shouted for crying and getting told "don't cry!"

I was very sensitive back then so yeah it upset me